And I abominate not only mortal sins, but, also, those venial sins which gradually lead to their com mission; and, above all, I detest the accursed root from which spring sensuality and pride. 3. An act of self-humiliation. O God of vengeance! I have sinned; I have merited hell. If you had acted upon your rights, I would have been, for many years past, numbered with the damned, I would be a burning brand in hell's fire, worthy of all possible contempt and loathing. And yet I am proud! It is possible that once again I may sin mortally; it is possible that I may die in my sins; and it is possible, O my God, that I may yet be damned. Nevertheless, I still am proud! Perhaps I will sin, perhaps I will die in that state, perhaps I will be damned, and yet I give way to feelings of pride. "In truth, I confess that I am worthy of all scorn and contempt, because I have deserved for my sins hell and everlasting fire" (a). 4. An act of hatred of ourselves. O my Lord God! I have, alas ! preferred my body to Thee, and, through love of it, have offended Thee, the infinite Goodness. That I might gratify it with the enjoy. ment of a momentary pleasure, I have exposed it to the risk of eternal damnation. Filled with confusion, I confess to Thee my folly. But I now swear before Thee, that, henceforward, I shall take vengeance on myself. Perish the body, provided the soul be not lost. Let my senses suffer for a while, that my spirit may not be tortured for eternity. Oh, if one of the damned could but return to life, in what manner would he treat his body? Gratitude bids (a) Thomas à Kempis, book iii. c. 52, n. 2. me act as he would; since it is a greater favour never to have been cast into hell, than, having been once precipitated into it, to be permitted to return. Wherefore I shall deny my senses the gratifications (NN.), and shall chastise my body by (N.). 5. An act of indifference. O my first Beginning, and my last End who hast created me to serve Thee in that manner which is pleasing to Thee; behold, "as clay is in the hand of the potter" (a), so am I in thy hand. "Turn me round which way Thou wilt: lo, I am thy servant, ready to obey thee in all things" (b). Ah! that state of life to which you called me, or that degree of perfection in the state already chosen, to which you invite me is not hell; that office, that place, that condition of health is not hell. Therefore, I offer myself to Thee as indifferent to everything; for what will it profit me to have had all comforts and honours in abundance, if I lose my soul; and what loss will it be to have lived a life of misery and contempt, if even, so, I am saved? We never perceive these truths so clearly as when they are illuminated by the glare which comes from the fire of hell. 6. An act of gratitude and of sorrow. O sovereign Lord of life and death, I thank thee for not having visited me with death after my first sin; and for having, so mercifully, granted me time and grace to repent. Ah! if a sudden death had come upon me when I was in that state of sin (I shudder at the thought), hell would now be my dwelling-place. Thou hast condemned others, and Thou hast pardoned me; for Thou hast loved me, who am the (a) Jeremias xviii. 6. (b) "Imitation," book iii. ch. 15. most vile of all, more than Thou hast loved others. How, then, was it possible that I could have offended a God who has been so merciful towards me! . I am sorry from the very bottom of my heart, and I grieve for my offences with all the vehemence of feeling of which my soul is capable, and I resolve to die a thousand times rather than to offend Thee, ever, ever more. COMPENDIUM. I. As regards the punishment of the body, the damned shall suffer in hell; 1. All possible pains, and all of them at one and the same time. "Every sorrow shall fall upon him." 2. They shall suffer them in a most intense degree, because the least possible pains of hell immeasurably surpasses the very greatest endured in this life. 3. They shall suffer them for ever, without respite, without relief, without comfort of any kind. II. With respect to the punishment of the soul, the damned soul will suffer most excruciating torture from this thought alone: God died upon the cross to save me, and yet I am lost. I, a Christian, a priest, . who have pointed out the very way of salvation to so many others, . . . . I am damned.' 2. And I am damned .... a religious, through my own fault, since I could have so easily worked out my salvation. 3. And I am damned for a nothing, for a pleasure which lasted but a moment. 4. Nay, more, I have endured greater hardships, walking the paths of sin, than would have sufficed to ensure my salvation! III. The pain of loss, or the exclusion from the beatific vision of God, constitutes by far the greatest punishment of the damned; and so great is it, that, in comparison, a thousand hells would be a trifle to endure, for it means the loss of God's infinite beauty, and it is, therefore, a loss infinite in its intensity. IV. The eternity of the punishment. This immense loss shall be eternal, and these excruciating torments must be endured for ever. Millions of millions of years shall pass by, and billions of millions of centuries shall roll on, and still the damned shall find themselves damned for ever, "that all flesh may know that the Lord hath drawn his sword out of its sheath, not to be turned back” (a). (a) Ezechiel xxi. 5. 138 Third Day. FIRST MEDITATION. On Death. FIRST POINT. : DEATH teaches us to despise worldly goods, which constitute the first obstacle to our entire indifference to all things, and are the first impediment to our progress towards the attainment of our last end. The sentence has already gone forth: "thou shalt die the death" (a). Thou shalt die: not others in thy stead; but thou, thou thyself shalt die and this, once only; for "it is appointed unto men once to die" (b). Moreover, you shall die when you least expect it for at what hour you think not, the Son of Man will come" (c). You shall die uncertain of the time, and the manner, and the place of your death. Without having the slightest shadow of a hope left you of being able to return and remedy the faults you have committed. In one word, sooner or later, despoiled of all you possess, and abandoned by everybody, "thou shalt go into the house of thy eternity" (d); and you will go there unaccompanied, for " every one of us shall render account to God (a) Gen. ii. 17. (b) Heb. ix. 27. |