hand, and burnt it all over; which I presently thought came justly upon me for playing on the Sabbath day: And I was ashamed and sorry I had done so.

But after this I do not remember any particular conviction for some years; but was changeable and inconstant, sometimes quite careless, and then more diligent in the performance of prayer. I had always as I thought, a great love for those who I believed were good people, especially ministers. My very heart would leap with joy, when I could see, or come near enough to touch them. I mention this as a childish notion, that I took such pleasure in touching them. I used to go secretly behind them for that purpose. I thought I could do any thing in my power to serve them.

About two years and an half after we came to Boston, my parents moved to Freetown, and I with them. And when I was about thirteen years old, my mother went from thence to Newport on RhodeIsland, and went to visit Mr. Clap, who gave her a little book of spiritual songs for me, and desired her to give it to me, and tell me that it came from one who was a hearty well wisher to my soul. These words immediately seized me, and filled me with shame to think that one whom I never knew should take such care of my precious soul, while I was so carcless myself. And from that minute I thought I had a grateful love for Mr. Clap, and longed to sit under his ministry. I was then for some time under strong convictions; had such a sense of the hardness of my heart, that I often thought it was

impossible for me to be sufficiently awakened by any ordinary means; and prayed that God would do any thing with me, though ever so terrible, so that I might be driven from my evil courses, and turned to God. Some change I thought must be

wrought in me, or I should never get to Heaven; but after what manner, I knew not. However, I resolved to persist in the way of duty, as I called it, and to forsake my sins, and lead a new life. But, fool that I was, I made resolutions in my own strength, and built upon my own works; and so soon fell again. O, amazing grace, that God should spare such a wretch as me, such an abuser of mercy!

After this I found myself dead, and to have no heart, as I thought, to pray, nor any sweetness in it, when I did. Then, O how I longed for the return of the spirit of God, imagining he was withdrawn from me. Sometimes I did agonize in pray

er,

and plead with God that he would return to me by his spirit once more. But was often answered by these words, "My spirit shall not always strive with man." Then I would beg, and promise that if God would try me this once, I would never grieve or resist his spirit again. O, wretch that I was! thus to lie to the glorious God, who was then striving with me, to bring me to his son; for I did, I did quench his motions, and soon forgot my promises. O, deceitful and dreadfully wicked heart! who can know it? Lord, I am amazed at thy patience that I am out of hell.

Sometime after this, contrary to my parents commands, I got into a canoe to paddle about in the

river, and could not get on shore again. It being in the night, though the moon shined bright, I expected no other but to be drowned. Once I thought to get out, and pull the canoe to the shore; but tried first if I could reach the bottom with my paddle: And finding I could not, durst not venture. Then I could see no probability of escaping death. So I kneeled down and prayed, and all my former convictions revived: And the sin of disobedience ⚫ to my parents especially appeared odious.

I

thought it was just that God should bring me into this distress for this sin; and with great vehemence and self abhorrence confessed my sins, with their aggravations before God, pleading for an interest in the blood of Christ, and for pardon for his sake, for that, and all my other sins. And while I was praying, I felt a secret joy, verily believing that I was forgiven, and that Christ had loved me with an everlasting love, and that I should be happy with him, and longed for the time. I was immediately resigned, as I thought, to the will of God, quite willing to die, and willing to re, begging that God would dispose of me as most consisted with his glory. And after I had thus resigned myself, as I thought, soul and body into the hands of God, to do with me as seemed good to him, I was as calm and serene in the temper of my mind, as ever in my life.

But at length I bethought myself, that self preservation was a great duty, and therefore I ought to try to get on shore. So I hallowed as loud as

*Their house stood by Taunton river, which was navigable.

I could to the neighbours, who with much difficulty were made to hear, and came to me, some hours after. There was not another canoe within two or three miles; for I had been driven by the tide some miles, first up and then down the river.

How it would have been with my soul, if God had taken me out of the world at that time, he only knows. Some christians have thought, a saving change was then wrought, and that I should have been happy.

After this, I was more diligent in pursuing, as I thought, the ways of holiness in the way God had appointed; and more watchful against sin. My life was pleasant and sweet. I had great enlargements in duties. But at length grew cold again. O ungrateful soul! to forget such a remarkable deliverance from death.

The next winter I was as wonderfully preserved. The weather being exceeding cold, the river was frozen, so that people, horses and teams went over on the ice. But while it was hard and slippery, I durst not venture on it, for fear of falling. But after a great thaw, so that the ice looked quite black, I,: contrary to my parents' orders again, they being from home, went quite over to the other side, which was a mile. But the tide was rising, so I could not get on shore: And when I looked round me, I could see nothing but great holes as large as houses, or larger, some of them. There was no way for me, but to go straight back again; which I did. But the water was almost over shoes all the way; and the ice it seemed to me, bent every step I took

And when I got back, the water was so risen, that I was much beset to get on shore: And it was in the dusk of the evening. But at last, with much difficulty, I found a strip of ice, as narrow as a bridge, which reached the shore, by which I got to land. But when I had got off, and saw the imminent danger to which I had exposed myself, by my folly and presumption, it made me tremble exceedingly. I presently thought again, how just God would have been, if I had been drowned for my disobedience to my parents; and wondered at his patience in sparing me: But do not remember, that I felt any abiding impressions; so great was my woful stupidity: Though I think I kept on praying, &c. As to the river, the wind rose presently, and blew very hard from the south, so that it, with the tide, broke it up, that before bed time there was not a piece of ice of any bigness within sight of our house, which stood close by the river. I am amazed, when I consider how wonderfully God preserved me, a poor sinful worm, so unworthy of the least mercy.

The next March, we removed to Dighton,* where we lived one year. I remember but one awakening in that time; and that was by hearing of the death of one of my former associates in Freetown, a young girl, about my age.

Then I was again astonished at the patience of God, in sparing me alive and out of hell.

renewed my resolutions to lead a new life.

A town on the other side of Taunton river.

Then I

But in