I propose! The enemy follows me hard with such buffetting fears and discouragements as I cannot express. However I determined to go and leave the event to God. At Mrs. C.'s many came in to tea, and being a mixed company, I thought, Lord, give me something profitable to say, or keep me silent; and blessed be God it was a profitable time. After tea I conversed alone with one in deep distress,—and read in the providences she mentioned, a wonderful display of the wisdom, condescension, and guardian care of the Lord Jesus. When I returned into the dining room, a large class was ready for me, and the Lord was very present. Glory be to his name, he never fails his poor unworthy dust! Then Mrs. Clapham asked me if my strength would hold out to meet the children? I assented, and also found some liberty. Immediately I began the second class, and there I found the Lord was very good indeed,—but my strength almost failed. After the people were gone, I talked closely with Mr. H. I trust not quite in vain. It being now late, we got a little supper, and went to bed. I had but little rest, being very feverish. Indeed I am seldom well in a town. Next day we visited several in peculiar states and circumstances, and here also I saw the Lord's hand. In the afternoon I returned home in peace.

December 20. This was on the whole a good day. Taking some time in the Hermitage, my soul was refreshed. My situation is perplexing; but I feel myself calmly fixed on the will of God. I can, I do believe He will not let me take any step that is not for his glory. And if I do not get out of his order, I care for nothing else.

December 30. Waked early, and after losing some time, (though kept from unprofitable thoughts,) I arose about five, and was blest in prayer; but afterwards found myself very stupid, dull, and heavy. I went to see some sick people, and their words were animating. I was

humbled while they recorded several meetings in which my words had been blest to them O my God, let me not help others into liberty, and myself remain in bondage. I heard also to day of some in Leeds that were brought into a fuller measure of love,-and that they had been blest ever since my being there. Ah! Lord, how will this rise against me if I am not filled with Thee! On all sides I hear of my words being blest, and yet I am only a poor pipe through which it passes. Lord, let me never rest till I have full redemption in thy blood. Sometimes all my soul is on the stretch, but then I rest again, and other cares my heart divide. How long! O Lord! how long!

January 1, 1774. And do I yet see another year! Lord with what improvement? Shine on my soul, while I examine for an answer. Blessed be thy name! I have more faith than last year, I have more power, and my I am more mouth is more open to speak for Thee. deeply convinced of my vileness, which is such as I am also more on stretch for none can conceive.

holiness.

I

January 15, Friday night. This day I set apart as a fast. All the morning I was tossed much with thoughts of temporal difficulties; R. T. being quite unwilling to come into any scheme I can propose. In the afternoon I found more liberty in prayer, I was as in an agony. said, "Lord, if it can be consistent with thy justice to make such a sinner as me entirely holy, do it! Do it for thy name's sake! Give me once more what thou gavest me at Hoxton. Do it, Lord! in thy own way, I submit myself to any condition; only make and keep me holy." My life seemed as if it would go from me, and my and my hands were so strained by the grasp, (which I afterwards found they had of each other) that I could hardly use them for some time. But I did not gain the blessing I wanted.

am

February 6. Blessed be my adorable Saviour kept from all condemnation. I feel I am so born of God,

I do not commit sin. But I have not that liberty of soul, that close communion which I want and believe to be my privilege. O my Saviour, shine more clearly! Let me fully enter into the good land!

Saturday, February 19. Glory be to God, I have been kept in peace this week, and my soul seems nearer to God. Yet I do not seem to have got "salvation appointed for walls and bulwarks ;"-I am but a little child. But Lord, I am thine, save me." As to my outward affairs, they are not now such a weight,-I have cast them on the Lord, and I embrace his will. He without whom a sparrow does not fall to the ground," will not leave nor forsake his poor helpless creature.

-66

Monday, 22. Yesterday was a day of trial. Mr. *** preached at Morley, and then came here. He really grows in grace, and his word is attended with power. I was much pained in conversing with him to see the grief of mind occasioned by his attachment. O my God, indulge me in this! Show me some way out of this embarrassment !

Saturday, 27. A solemn day to my soul. I was kept in peace while busy in domestic affairs. Home always agrees with my soul. It is seven weeks to-morrow since I have been constantly kept as the clay before the potter yet still how far below my privilege I live!

Sunday, September 26. I did not rise quite in so spiritual a frame as I wished. Lord, let me not lose ground. I was blest in the meeting afterward;—and in reading the Essay on Truth, in Mr. Fletcher's equal check, page 162. Lord, give me to live in that constant act of faith! It is the very marrow of the Gospel. How delightfully it is distinguished from Antinomian presumption! It has of a truth been food to my soul. In prayer this night I found power to lay open all my troubles before the Lord, and to take fast hold on that word, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." I cannot tell how to

express the power I felt in those words, All these things! I saw Jesus had undertaken my whole cause.

December. I feel my faith rather increased. I have this day been examining the state of my soul, as to the progress I have made this year,—and inquiring of the Lord why I do not grow much faster, and sink into a much deeper acquaintance with God. It appears to me that the reason is, I do not valiantly resist every thought that presents itself, but suffer my eyes to be turned off from my Saviour.-In particular, I lose much time in searching for ways out of my present trials. It seems often a duty to do so; and my mind is carried away, till recalled by that word, "Thou canst not make one hair white or black.”

February 1, 1775. I was much blest at the Wednesday meeting. For some time these words have been with me, "Delight thyself in the Lord, and he will give thee the desire of thy heart.”

February 28. I fear my soul has lost ground this month. O what a narrow path do we tread! How true also is that word,-Without me ye can do nothing! In the beginning of this month I wrote that precious word, Delight thyself in the Lord; but, alas! instead of delight, I feel sorrow of heart! A little time since I had a particu lar trial with ****. What was proposed, seemed hard and unreasonable; and I forgot the Christian motto, "Do good, and suffer ill." I got my eye turned off from Jesus, and then I no longer felt the love that never faileth. This deeply wounded me. At night I felt a drop of healing balm, but my spirit remains to this day much discouraged.

May. I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit. My affairs are perplexing indeed! Yet something seems to say, It is for an appointed time. But all this I should not regard, if my soul was always filled with love. I sometimes seem to get all obstacles removed, and then I reflect the image of my Saviour, and all is quiet, calm, and peace.

Floods of trial do not seem to move me. But though I thus taste of the pure river now and then, I do not abide in the faith, and therefore I do not abide in liberty.

May 28. This day I set apart for prayer, to inquire of the Lord, why I am so held in bondage about speaking in public. It cannot be expressed what I suffer,-it is known only to God what trials I go through in that respect. Lord, give me more humility, and then I shall not care for any thing but Thee! There are a variety of reasons why it is such a cross. The other day one told me,—" He was sure I must be an impudent woman no modest woman, he was sure, could proceed thus.' Ah! how glad would nature be to find out,-Thou Lord dost not require it! Mr. William Bramah observed today, "The reason why your witness is not more clear, is because you do not glorify God by believing, and more freely declaring what he hath done for your soul." He spake much on these words,-" What things soever ye ask in prayer, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them." His words came with power, and my soul got a further hold on Jesus. I do see that by his death he hath purchased perfect salvation for all who believe; and that we receive it in proportion as we thus believe. "Be it unto you according to your faith," is the word of the Lord. Then I will, I do cast my whole soul on thee! O let me find salvation as walls and bulwarks !

September 10, Sunday. I rose this morning with a sore weight on my mind. It was given out for me to be at D. There was much wind and rain, and the roads were very bad. I feared the journey. I feared also I should have nothing to say when I came there ;I feared all manner of things. Those words, however, came to my mind, "Take no thought what ye shall say.” I then felt myself led to consider those words, "Repent! for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." I found some liberty in speaking from them, and the people were affected. As I was riding back, I clearly saw I was called