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where my window presented to my view the grave digging, and the church-yard visited by numbers to look at the vault!-Soon it occurred to my mind, that before we married, some letters had passed between us on particular subjects, which he had often told me I had better burn, saying, "Thou puttest it off; and if one of us should die,-it will almost kill the other to do it then, Yet, being loath to part with them, I had neglected to do it; but now being seized with a kind of palsy, and loss of memory, I thought, perhaps in another day I may not be able to do it, and then I shall be unfaithful to my dear husband's command. The third day therefore I carried them to the fire.-But oh! what did I feel at the sight! I could not even avoid seeing some of the tender expressions they contained, which were now as barbed arrows to my heart. Next day came on the funeral.

All this time my soul was as in the lion's den. The day after, I heard that some reports were abroad concerning my dear husband's death,-as if he had been delirious, and expired in great agonies. I believed I was called to write the truth;-and casting myself on the Lord, to be guided by his hand as a mere machine, I took up my pen, and wrote to Mr. Wesley the following letter.-I wrote it at one sitting, intending to copy it afterward; but I had no more strength than just sufficed for the occasion. I sent it therefore as it was to the press, and left it all to God.

“Rev. and very dear Sir,

August 18th, 1785.

Though but yesterday I parted with my beloved husband's remains, I must now endeavour to collect my wounded mind, as I would not have any of his words fall to the ground, and give, if possible, some account of the awful, but to him glorious scene.

"Our union increased daily, as did his health and strength; his consumptive complaint appeared quite removed, and in my eyes the bitterness of death was past. The work was sweetly prospering, and in a variety of circumstances the sun of prosperity shone around us. "For some time before this last illness, his precious soul (always alive to God) was particularly penetrated with the nearness of eternity; there was scarce an hour in which he was not calling upon me to drop every thought and every care, that we might attend to nothing but drinking deeper into God. We spent much time in wrestling prayer for the fulness of the Spirit, and were led in a very peculiar manner, to an act of abandonment (as we called it) of our whole selves into the hands of God, to do or suffer whatever was pleasing to him. On Thursday, August 4th, he was taken up in the work of God from three in the afternoon, till nine at night; when he came home, he said, I have taken cold.-Friday and Saturday he was but poorly, though he went out part of the day, but seemed uncommonly drawn out in prayer. On Saturday night his fever first appeared very strong.—I begged him not to go to the church in the morning, but let a pious brother who was here, preach in the yard ; but he told me he believed it was the will of the Lord, and that he was assured it was right he should go; in which case I never dared to dissuade him. As I was in the morning with a little company of our pious women, I begged they would pray that he might be strengthened, and that I might have a grain of that faith which supported the faithful when their friends were martyred. In reading prayers he almost fainted away.-I got through the crowd, with a friend, and entreated him to come out of the desk, as did some others; but he let us know, in his sweet manner, that we were not to interrupt the order of God. I then retired to my pew, where all around me were in tears. When he was a little refreshed by the windows being opened, and a nosegay thrown into the

desk by a friend, he went on; and afterward going up into the pulpit, preached with a strength and recollection which surprised us all.

In his first prayer he said, 'Lord, thou wilt manifest thy strength in weakness, we confer not with flesh and blood, but put our trust under the shadow of thy wings.'

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"His text was from Psalm xxxvi, Thou Lord shalt save both man and beast; how excellent is thy mercy, O God: and the children of men shall put their trust under the shadow of thy wings.'

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"After he had pointed out the Saviour of mankind, and observed how some by sin had made themselves beasts, he showed that the promise, even in that sense, might be applied to the sinner as well as to the beasts of the earth and in speaking to these, with his usual earnestness, he pressed, invited, and entreated them to return unto God, enforcing those words of our Lord when he came near to Jerusalem, and wept over it—` If thou hadst known, even thou, at least in this thy day, the things which belong to thy peace! but now they are hid from thine eyes.' These words peculiarly pierced. the hearts of many, as they have since told me. He continued to observe, in nearly the following words, · That the wings of the Lord are compared to those of an eagle for strength and protection,' Exodus xix. I bare you on eagles wings, and brought you unto myself.' And to those of a hen for love and care, 'Like as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings.' In the Jewish tabernacle, where was the Holy of Holies, two cherubim were placed, whose extended wings joining together overshadowed the mercy-seat. When Christ died upon the cross, his arms were stretched out, and these were as wings of love which he opened, and still holds wide open to receive all that come unto him; let us then, when we see his love and power thus united to save and bless us, enter boldly into the Holy of Holies through

the door of divine mercy. A friend threw me some flowers to revive me when I was faint, but the mercy of the Lord is far more reviving;-it is this I would hold out to you, and drop it into your very bosoms; may it sink deep there, that you may taste and see how good the Lord is,' and confess that his saving mercy is above the richest perfume, for he saves both man and beast?'

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"After sermon he went up the aisle to the communion table, with these words, I am going to throw myself under the wings of the cherubim before the mercyseat.'

The congregation was large, and the service held till near two. Sometimes he could scarcely stand, and was often obliged to stop for want of power to speak. The people were deeply affected.-Weeping was on every side. Gracious Lord! how was it my soul was kept so calm in the midst of the most tender feelings? Notwithstanding his extreme weakness, he gave out several verses of hymns, and various lively sentences of exhortation. As soon as the service was over, we hurried him away to his bed, where he immediately fainted away. He afterward dropped into a sleep for some time, and upon waking, cried out with a pleasant smile- Now, my dear, thou seest I am no worse for doing the Lord's work, he never fails me when I trust in him.' After he had got a little dinner he dozed most of the evening ;now and then waking (as was usual with him) full of the praises of God. That night his fever returned, but not so bad as on Saturday; nevertheless from Sunday his strength decreased amazingly. On Monday and Tuesday we had a little paradise together; he lay on a couch in the study, and was at times very restless, as to change of posture, but sweetly pleasant, and often slept for a good while. When awake, he delighted much in hearing me read hymns and tracts on faith and love. His words were all animating, and his patience beyond what I can express. When he had any bitter or nauseous

medicine to take, he seemed to enjoy the cross, reminding me of a word he used often to repeat,—that our business was to seek a perfect conformity to the will of God, and then leave Him to give us what comfort he saw good. I asked him, if he should be taken from me, whether he had any particular directions or orders to give me, since I desired to form my whole life thereby. He replied, No, not by mine, the Holy Ghost shall direct thee; I have nothing particular to say, only that the Lord will open all before thee;-and let not any one bring thee into bondage. If I stay with thee, I will keep thee from oppression; but if I should be taken from thee, beware.'—I said, Hast thou any conviction the Lord is about to take thee?He answered, 'No, not in particular, only I always see death so inexpressibly near, that we both seem to stand as on the verge of eternity.' While he slept a little, I laid my trial before the Lord, entreating him, if it was his good pleasure, to spare my beloved husband a little longer; but my prayer seemed to have no wings.-It was held down, and I could not help mingling continually therewith, Lord, give me perfect resignation! This uncertainty in my own mind made me rather tremble, lest the Lord was going to take the bitter cup out of my dear's hand, and give it unto me. The cup of separation, he had for some weeks before very deeply drank of, when I myself was ill of the fever. At that time he often passed through the whole parting scene, and struggled for the fortitude of perfect resignation. Sometimes he would say at that season, Polly! shall I ever see the day when thou must be carried out to be buried? How will the little things which thou wast accustomed to use, and all those which thy tender care has prepared for me in every part of the house, how will they wound and distress me! How is it? I think I feel jealousy-I am jealous of the worm! I seem to shrink at giving my dear Polly to the worms!'

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