what to do, and the grief of my mind quite destroyed my health. My grandfather and grandmother, who were to me the tenderest of parents, seeing me in such a poor way, as to my body, (though they knew not the cause,) desired to have me with them. I grew something better while I was there; but on my return home, I became as bad as ever.

This heavy season lasted, I think, nine weeks; when one day opening my mind to my sister, (as indeed I had often before attempted to do, but could not explain myself,) she providentially used these words in her answer, "Why, you do not mean to blaspheme, do ?"" you A light immediately struck into my mind; I weighed the thought over and over, and could truly say, Lord, thou knowest I do not mean to blaspheme. I then recollected that I had heard something about temptation, and often wondered what it was. I thought, it may be Satan whispers this into my mind, like what we read about Christian in the Pilgrim's Progress, going through the valley of the shadow of death. I then determined never to regard it more, but always answer with these words, I do not mean to blaspheme, I will acknowledge Christ for ever; and in a few days I was perfectly delivered. I am the more full on this head, because it has been a warning to me ever since, not to be too severe in passing a judgment on the actions of children, whose reflections are far deeper, and their feelings much keener, than we are apt to imagine.

I was now, I believe, about ten years old, and can recollect many comfortable moments, in reading the word of God. The promises in Isaiah, were in a particular manner applied to my soul, and I hardly ever opened the Bible, but there was something for me; till one day I heard a person make this remark, that many people took promises to themselves which did not belong to them. Of some, she observed, they belonged to the church: others, to the Jews; such and such, to the

Gentiles, &c. and then began to blame the presumption of those who applied them to their own souls! Such a thought had never entered my heart before. I knew the words were primarily spoken on particular occasions: but the Lord had led me to believe that his word was written to every soul, so far as they were willing to receive it by faith. But, from the above conversation, I was unhinged,* I knew not what to choose, or what to refuse, so that being cast into reasonings, I lost my love for reading the Scriptures, and sunk into a very cold and lifeless state. When I was twelve years old, we went to Bath for three months. Here I met with many dissipations, and had, I may truly say, no enjoyment of religion; only when in the midst of the ball-room I used to think, if I knew where to find the Methodists, or any who would show me how to please God, I would tear off all my fine things, and run through the fire to them: and sometimes I thought, if ever I am my own mistress, I will spend half the day in working for the poor, and the other half in prayer.

When I was about thirteen, the things of God began to return with more power on my mind. One day my sister visiting Mrs. Lefevre,† found her truly awakened, and in earnest to save her soul. She told me this news with great delight; for as our parents had no suspicion of her being a Methodist, we saw the Lord had opened us a door into that Christian liberty we so much longed after. At her house we got opportunities of conversation with religious persons, which a good deal strengthened our hands, though we often said to each other, these Methodists do not quite answer our expectations, though our time is short with them, they lose much of it before they begin to converse with us about our souls; the Apostles would not have done so. But we

*Here again she felt the want of Christain fellowship. Ed.

+ Well known in the Methodist Connexion by her admirable letters, published many years ago.

must not form our judgment by the rich, let us wait till we get acquainted with some of the poor among them; perhaps they will be right Methodists, and more like the first Christians.

Sometimes that promise was brought powerfully to my mind, "Whatsoever ye shall ask believing, ye shall receive :" then, thought I, I may ask all the grace I will; I may ask power never to offend my God again. Faith sprung up in my soul, and I was much drawn out in prayer for holiness; till one day speaking of it to a particular person, she raised many objections to the thought of all sin being removed from the heart. I felt it as if cold water were thrown on a newly kindled fire, and the wings of my faith seemed clipt. Fearing lest I was wrong, I prayed the Lord to answer for himself by his word, So taking up the Bible, with much prayer I opened it, and immediately cast my eyes on these words, "Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is any thing too hard for me?" It came with power; my heart, as it were, leaped for joy; and I cried out, Now I will wrestle, and I shall prevail.

Towards the end of the following winter, there was a confirmation at St. Paul's; and my father desired I should be confirmed. This was a very rousing ordinance to me; for some time before, I had felt how unworthy I was of it: how unfit thus solemnly to devote myself to God, by renewing that covenant I had so often broken. I read the order of confirmation, with the ministration of baptism, over and over, and besought my God to give me power to keep the charge of the Lord faithfully. For some months after, every time I approached the Lord's table, I had a very peculiar sense of his presence, and sometimes I felt as if the Lord Jesus did from his own hand give me the sacred emblems of his body and blood.

But the next year my mind again wandered after many things, and though I tasted now and then, a little

of the loving-kindness of the Lord, yet in the general I was greatly under the power of my own will. Pride and perverseness got many times the upper hand, and there was nothing in my life or conversation which could adorn the Gospel; but I did not then see my conduct in that light. While our love is small, our perceptions in spiritual things are very dark. Alas! I thought I walked as a Christian; but now that I see so much more of the holiness of God, I also discern more fully the depth of my fall, and am astonished that either God or man bore with me. While the carnal mind retained this power, I do not wonder my dear mother should not love me as the rest of her children; for I was not only more dull and indolent in every thing I had to learn, but I gave way to an insolent and disobedient spirit in such a degree towards the whole family, that the recollection has often seemed to draw blood from my heart. How perfectly do I feel these words my own,

"Sink down, my soul, sink lower still,

Lle level with the dust."

But the Lord did not forsake me.

One night, after

spending some time in prayer, I cast my eyes on a book Mrs. Lefevre had given me, and read these words,

"I'll look into my Saviour's breast;
Away, sad doubt and anxious care,
Mercy is all that's written there.

Jesu's blood, through earth and skies,
Mercy, free boundless mercy, cries."

I saw as it were the Father of mercy opening his arms to receive me, and on that boundless love I had liberty to cast my whole soul. I was more and more thankful for my union with Mrs. Lefevre, and experienced in her the greatest comfort of my life.

About this season my ever-honoured grandfather and grandmother were taken from us. He was one of the excellent of the earth his life, in many respects, was remarkable and singular. In his last illness he delighted much in these words, "My sheep hear my voice; I know them, and they follow me, &c." He was aged seventy-nine, and had lived with my grandmother fortyfive years in a union not usually to be met with. He was a pattern in many respects; plain in his dress, mortified in his food, and strictly conscientious in all his expenses. When many dishes were on his table, he scarcely ate of any thing but mutton, and that for many years, because he believed it most conducive to his health. His love and charity to the poor was uncomHe esteemed it a reproach to any man to say he died very rich; adding, it is too plain a mark he has not made a good use of his income.

mon.

One day upon the exchange, a gentleman who was by him said to another, "Sir John, I give you joy; they tell me you have completed your hundred thousand pounds. The other replied, "I hope to double it before I die." My grandfather, turning short, said, "Then, Sir John, you are not worthy of it." Once being at the table of a nobleman, he observed the guests drinking to excess, and conversing in a very unchristian At first he tried to turn the conversation, but the torrent being too strong, he rose up, and leaning over the back of his chair, he gave them a solemn reproof, joined to an affectionate warning, and then left the company. I have been with him in his chariot when he has suddenly stopped it to reprove profane swearing on the road.

manner.

My grandmother was a woman of an uncommonly sweet temper; and having acquired a good deal of skill in physic, she so helped the poor, that they looked on her as a mother, a nurse, and a counsellor. When my grandfather had been dead three months, she dream