(who did not appear to be persons of the best character,) if they would choose to come up into my room in a morning to family prayer, as they were only women? But they never, as I remember, accepted the invitation. However, some days after the above-mentioned racket, they sent me word, "If I pleased, Mr. H*** and themselves would wait on me to prayer the next morning." I did not dare to refuse, and answered, they were welcome. God only knew what a cross I felt in so doing! I had all the reason that could be, to think they only wanted to divert themselves; and the receiving a wild young gentleman, with such gay ladies, into my bedchamber, seemed to me a strange enterprise. The chapter I chose to read was the 25th of Matthew. I spoke with freedom on each of the parables, and found God was with my mouth. I did not much look off the book, till about the middle of the parable of the talents I cast my eyes towards Mr. H***, and was surprised to find his earnestly fixed on me, and swimming with tears. When prayer was over, he respectfully returned me thanks, and went down stairs. After attending three mornings, he stopped behind the family, and told me, when they were gone, that he was convinced he had led a bad life, and he wished to learn how to do better. That he was free from all business, had a good fortune, and was only here accidentally; and if I would tell him where he could get instruction, and help for his soul, he would go any where, for this house, said he, "I must leave." From the first morning there was no more noise, singing, breaking glasses, or rude behaviour of any kind. As my friend grew worse, we were desired to leave Clifton, and try Bath. There she recovered to admiration; and in a short time we returned to the orphan-house, at Layton-stone. Mr. H*** made good his words; and cultivating the friendship of some pious persons whom we had recommended to him in London, particularly brother George Clark, he became much confirmed in the truth; and hath ever since remained a follower thereof, and a promoter of the prosperity of Zion. At Bristol also I met with poor Fanny,* much grown in grace, and adorning her profession.-And after a month's absence, I was brought again in peace to Madely, and constrained to say, "In all my ways His hand I own, His ruling providence I see." I now found my dear love's relations in Switzerland laid greatly on my mind in prayer; and sometimes when engaged therein, it has seemed to me as if his dear spirit so joined with me, as I cannot express: and for his nephew in particular, whom I expected, I was greatly drawn out in intercession. Being poorly one Saturday night, about ten o'clock, (the last week in May,) I was about retiring to bed, when word was brought me that my nephew was arrived. He could speak little English, and I but little French. This was the first I had seen of my dear husband's relations. He was of his own name, his godson, and his only nephew. But, alas! I now received him alone, and instead of showing him his dear uncle, and sweet instructer, I "Live could only lead him to the silent tomb, and say, as he lived, and thou shalt die as he died.” : I found him as I expected, quite carnal, and very averse to the things of God. As my spirits were very weak, and his pretty high, I wished to have him rather as a visiter, than one of my family and Providence so appointed for me. Mr. Horne, the curate, understanding French, kindly offered to receive him into his house, until he was more perfect in the English language. I soon discovered he was of a sweet temper, a fine understanding, and outwardly very moral, but withal a strong Deist; and as he delighted much in philosophy, he placed such confidence therein, as to believe he could set us all right, if he might but have five hours dispute with us! I inquired of the Lord concerning the method I should use towards him; and saw for the present, I was only * The Jewess mentioned in the former visit. called to show him condescension and love-to consider myself as his servant in Christ, and therefore to stand always ready to take up my cross, and in every thing innocent to do his will rather than my own. And as I could not say much to him in words, I must the more endeavour to show him, by the example of myself and family, that religion justly bears the character given her in these words, "Mild, sweet, serene, and tender is her mood, Nor grave with sternness, nor with lightness free: Fervent in zeal, and warm in charity." It appeared to me as if those four lines were given me as a direction which I must ever keep before my eyes. And much did I plead with the Lord, that nothing he saw in me, or mine, might tend to set him further off from God. When we could converse in English with tolerable ease, I perceived he had not only imbibed many wrong sentiments, but had such a stock of pharisaical righteousness, as I scarcely ever met with before. One day, as he was talking in his free way, about the truths of the Gospel, a friend said, "If your aunt hears you talk at this rate, she will be much grieved." He replied, "But I will not say these things to her; though should my aunt talk much to me about religion, I fear I shall not keep my temper: for my uncle drove many people mad when he was abroad. I do believe there were three hundred who were quite mad! They talked of being filled with love, and kept praying and running together, not only while he was there, but since that time also." Hearing of this, I said, "Tell him I will promise to keep my temper whether he does or not, for my love to him has a better foundation than he can shake." In order to improve in the English language, he proposed to read to me some hours in a day; and I was to choose the books. Mr. Wesley was so kind as to send him Batty's Evidences of the Christian Religion, which he read with some pleasure: but as yet his heart remained untouched. I was very conscious I had none of that wisdom which in cases of this kind is often very useful; and where it is joined with divine unction, does beautifully illustrate the truths it endeavours to defend. But that word was remembered with pleasure, "I will choose the foolish things of the world to confound the wisdom of the wise. And again, "My strength shall be made perfect in weakness." Well, thought I, if I have no philosophical arguments to bring, I will so much the more cry to the strong for strength. I cannot do with the armour I have not proved; but the stone of conviction, and the sling of faith is that which I must depend on; and when these are directed by the Spirit of God, nothing can stand against them. Many of the Protestants in Switzerland are Deists; they are nevertheless very strict in bringing the young people to the communion; and they esteem it a reproach to do otherwise. My nephew expressed a desire of joining with us in that mean of grace, for having been from home some years at the university, he had not yet been brought to the table. Mr. Horne told him freely his scruples in receiving him as a communicant-but after much conversation, he perceived a degree of conviction, and a desire to know the truth, and consented to admit him. The first time he came to the table, as he was kneeling beside me, and Mr. Horne was speaking those words, "The blood of the Lord Jesus Christ which was shed for thee”—I found such a power of prayer spring up in my heart, it seemed as if I claimed a ray of the divinity just then to penetrate his soul. He hath since told me, he felt something very particular at that moment. My greatest difficulty however lay here, he did not believe the Scriptures. I was therefore cut off from drawing any arguments from them, and could only hold to this, the necessity of a change, in order to be capable of enjoying the Supreme Being. new creature. I observed to him, You believe heaven to be a state, and a place of holiness, and the happiness there to be separate from all sin ;-is there not then an absolute need of having a disposition suited thereto ?-This he readily allowed; but added,-" Then I will make myself this The Supreme Being hath not left his work imperfect. He hath given me powers sufficient, if I do but use them; and if I am to do all by this grace of God, as you say, then what has God to thank me for?" I endeavoured to convince him of our utter helplessness, except through that assistance which we draw from union with God through the Saviour, without whom we cannot do any thing. He replied, "Indeed, Aunt, that is not my case. I do not know how it may be with others, but for me, I do assure you, there is no snare I cannot avoid, nor any passion I cannot overcome.” As he abhorred the doctrine of the fall, as much as that of the divinity of our Lord, I did not speak often on those heads. I sought rather to convince him he was fallen, whether through Adam, or any other way, and that he was a sinner and unfit for heaven: and narrowly did I watch for every opportunity of pointing out any disposition that would help to prove my argument, though it was very difficult to bring him to a consciousness of any. At last I observed he had an abhorrence of the sin of envy, and a sensibility of having felt it. I then, on every proper occasion, enlarged on the happiness of the blest, as consisting in love, the very contrary to selfishness, which was the principle from whence envy took its life; and therefore he must become a new creature to enter into that state. This he now began to see, and sometimes to feel; but all my hopes appeared to be overturned at once, by a circumstance which occurred. -He had fixed his affections on a lady, from whom about this time, he thought he received some encouragement. 20 * |