in Jesus, resolved to believe that he will make me more than conqueror through all. "None ever trusted in him and was confounded." My one cry therefore shall be, Lord, glorify thyself in thy poor creature, and that is enough." In the night I was exercised with pain more than common, but my mind seemed to be fixed on this, Lord, glorify thyself! I slept; and waked in that thought, and it brought peace.

August 3. This time of the year returning affects me much. This day twelve months was the last in which my dear husband enjoyed perfect health, and the last in which he visited his people. Oh! how does every hour present the past scenes to my view! But I find power to live in the spirit of sacrifice. As I was this morning reading Mr. Wesley's note on Judges, chap. iv. 14. it was made a blessing to me. It is said of Barak, "He went down from Mount Tabor," Mr. Wesley adds, "He did not make use of the advantage which he had of the hill, where he might have been out of the reach of Sisera's iron chariots. He boldly marches down into the valley, to give him the opportunity of using his chariots. and horses, that so the victory might be more glorious." So it seems to be with me. When I had every help and every comfort, he brought me into the valley indeed! unto the loss of all my earthly comforts; and into deep and fierce temptation. And yet those very things which would have been a great trial to me, and a great alarm to my fears, when I had my dearest companion with me, are nevertheless rendered easy; and my Captain going before, seems to gain for me an easy victory. He is my light in difficulties, my protection in dangers, and my continual shield. But that word of the Lord spoken to Gideon, "The people are too many for me to deliver Israel by them," casts a still clearer light on my path. I was the happiest of women! I had every thing which friendship, the most heavenly and refined, could give. My helps were too many; I could not feel

my deep nothingness. God has stripped me of all! Yet I will look every moment for the complete victory.

Monday, August 14. How awful a Sabbath was yesterday to me! The remembrance of the tremendous scene that day twelve months deeply penetrated my heart. The whole of the last week has been to me very solemn. Every hour has pointed out some part of the bitter cup which I have drank, and do still deeply drink of.

This day has also been a time of deep examination. What difference do I find between this and the last fourteenth of August, the day of my dear husband's death? I find a good deal many ways. First, I have more vehement longing after Christ. Secondly, I am stript of all desire of human comforts, and dead to earth in a fuller degree than I ever was before in any part of my life. Thirdly, That fierce conflict of temptation which I endured at that time, has wrought for my good. Fourthly, I am more constant and faithful in private prayer, indeed it is my one business; and I have a more watchful spirit. Fifthly, I feel a more perfect resignation; and though my wound continually bleeds, yet I can continually say, Thy will be done. Yet nothing can supply the place of the full indwelling Spirit. The Lord is ever with me, I have surprising helps and deliverances, and victory in every trial. I feel I am crucified to the world; but yet I want the promise of the Father in its fulness.

Tuesday, August 15. Yesterday being (according to the days of the month) the annual return of the time when my dearest love departed this life, I set it apart for prayer and close examination, to know what I had gained or lost in this black year. Most of the day I was in heaviness; but by the light of God I clearly discerned his powerful hand was upon me. The entire deadness I find to every thing worldly; the purity in which the Lord continually keeps my soul; the increasing vigour of my spiritual affections; my great love for souls, and abundant liberty in speaking to them, with the many degrees of resignation to the divine will which I feel my

soul sunk into ;-and that spirit of love which ever prompts me to turn the other cheek, all give me good hope. Now, thought I, though I felt a measure of allthis before, is not the increase of all these an evident mark, that the work of God is deepened in my soul? I saw it was so, and was constrained to cry out, This hath God wrought!

I then was led to reflect on my union with my dear husband, and saw how much of the heavenly state we had enjoyed together; and it seemed as if I so longed to give up all for God, that I offered up to his divine will even our eternal union, (if it was in reality, as many suppose, that separate spirits forget all they have known and loved here) that his will might be done! I seemed content, so my dearest love, and my own soul, were lost in his immensity, and should know each other no more! I then found, as it were, a conversation carried on in my mind. The question arose, what part of our union can heaven dissolve? It will take away all that was painful-such as our fears for each other's safety, our separations, &c. But what of the pleasant part can heaven dissolve? I answered from the bottom of my heart, Nothing, Lord, nothing! Clear as light it appeared before me, that hea-, ven could not dissolve any thing which agreed with its. own nature. Let two drops of water, two flames of fire, or any two quantities of the same element, be put together, they would not destroy each other, but would be increased. So what came down from God, would, when returned to .its source, live for ever, and be corroborated, but not lessened.

I am quite at a loss for words to describe the feelings of that hour! but it fixed in my soul an assurance of our eternal union. And as it increased my tender affection towards my dear husband, so it seemed to spread it to all around. I felt it reflect as I felt it reflect as it were backwards and forwards, to and from all the heavenly host; all seemed doubly dear through that endearing love I found to him. At the same moment, a peculiar sense of union with my

friend Ryan sprang up in my soul; and I seemed to worship with them both before the throne. As I rose from my knees, I had an application of these words, as from his own dear mouth,

"The days that in heaven they spend,

For ever and ever shall last."

O, what did I feel! my eyes overflowed with tears, and my heart with praise !.

November 15. Last Sunday (the 12th) was to me a heavy day. That was the day my dear husband gave himself to me, and that I gave myself to him, or rather the Lord gave us to each other. But I was enabled to go through the duty which the Lord called me to that day, with calmness and resignation.

This day I had, at my ten o'clock hour, much freedom in pouring out my heart to the Lord.. I prayed that I might have an increase of faith. I then opened an old book which helped me to make some reflections very suitable to the present posture of my mind. I had been considering whether I might expect as fully to glorify my Saviour as one who had been less guilty and sinful? For two days that question had been uppermost in my heart, and the following words much in my mouth,

:

"If so poor a worm as I

May to thy great glory live !"

But to-day I was led into the following considerations: the Lord Jesus hath said, They to whom much is forgiven, love much, but they to whom (comparatively) little is forgiven, love little and this is corroborated by three parables, The lost sheep, the piece of money, and the prodigal But why is it so? Can I find sufficient ground for my faith to set its foot upon? The following thoughts occurred to my mind. First, We generally love best what has cost us most. My Saviour has drunk a more bitter draught for me, than for many ;* therefore he hath

son.

* Here is a fine illustration of those words of the Apostle, "In lowli ness of mind, let each esteem the other better than himself." Can we : keep the unity of the spirit without this? - Ed.

paid a higher price for me. All the pain, shame, and evil consequences of sin, "He hath borne in his own body; He hath borne my grief and carried my sorrows. Well then, I have more to love him for than any other.

Secondly, The author observes, "It is certain we may believe that God will give them the first place in his esteem, who have glorified him most in this world." But who are they? Doubtless those who believe most, -who come nearest to the faith of Abraham; for to believe in God's faithfulness to his promises, and in his power to perform them, is to give him glory. Rom. iv. 20, 21. "He staggered not at the promise through unbelief, but was strong in faith giving glory to God; and being fully persuaded that what he had promised, he was able also to perform." From hence it follows, that to believe the truth and faithfulness of God in his promises, and in his power to perform, (even in those cases where the performance is most difficult and rare,) is a greater glorifying of God, and shows a higher degree of faith, than to believe in ordinary cases only, wherein the belief is not so generous and noble, or so remote from the common principles of reason. The high commendation of Abraham's faith, by which he is said to give glory to God, (i. e. in a very signal and transcendent manner) is expressed in these words, Who against hope believed in hope. His faith breaking through the strong oppositions which the dictates of reason and nature made against it, was highly pleasing to God, and cast an abundance of glory upon him in that respect. Hence he pronounced him the father of the faithful, and made him the father of many nations; that is, he conferred and settled this great dignity upon Abraham, to be for ever after reputed and acknowledged the great exemplar, or pattern of all, who to the end of the world should believe; and who for their number should equalize many nations. Therefore, that believing in God which accords most with this faith of Abraham, hath most of the spirit and power of that grace. That which lifteth up itself in the soul against