MY DEAR BROTHER, Kaunaumeek, Jan. 2, 1743-4. "There is but one thing that deserves our highest care and most ardent desires; and that is, that we may answer the great end for which we were made, viz. to glorify that God, who has given us our being and all our comforts, and do all the good we possibly can to our fellow-men, while we live in the world. Verily life is not worth the having, if it be not improved for this noble end and purpose. Yet, alas, how little is this thought of among mankind! Most men seem to live to themselves without much regard to the glory of God, or the good of their fellow-creatures. They earnestly desire, and eagerly pursue after the riches, the honours, and the pleasures of life, as if they really supposed, that wealth or greatness, or merriment, could make their immortal souls happy. But alas! what false and delusive dreams are these! And how miserable will those ere long be who are not awaked out of them, to see that all their happiness consists in living to God, and becoming "holy, as he is holy!" Oh, may you never fall into the tempers and vanities, the sensuality and folly of the present world! You are by divine Providence, left as it were alone in a wide world, to act for yourself: be sure then to remember, that it is a world of temptation. You have no earthly parents to be the means of forming your youth to piety and virtue, by their pious examples, and seasonable counsels; let this then excite you with greater diligence and fervency to look up to the Father of mercies for grace and assistance against all the vanities of the world. If you would glorify God, or answer his just expectations from you, and make your own soul happy in this and the coming world, observe these few directions; though not from a father, yet from a brother who is touched with a tender concern for your present and future happiness. "First; Resolve upon, and daily endeavour to practise a life of seriousness and strict sobriety. The wise man will tell you the great advantage of such a life, Eccl. vii. 3. Think of the life of Christ; and when you can find that he was pleased with jesting and vain merriment, then you may indulge in it yourself. "Again; be careful to make a good improvement of precious time. When you cease from labour, fill up your time in reading, meditation, and prayer; and while your hands are labouring, let your heart be employed, as much as possible, in divine thoughts. "Further: Take heed that you faithfully perform the business which you have to do in the world, from a regard to the commands of God; and not from an ambitious desire of being esteemed better than others. We should always look upon ourselves as God's servants, placed in God's world, to do his work; and accordingly labour faithfully for him; not with a design to grow rich and great, but to glorify God, and to do all the good we possibly can. 66 Again: never expect any satisfaction or happiness from the world. If you hope for happiness in the world hope for it from God, and not from the world. Do not think you shall be more happy if you live to such or such a state of life, if you live to be yourself, to be settled in the world, or if you shall gain an estate in it: but look upon it that you shall then be happy, when you can be constantly employed for God, and not for yourself; and desire to live in this world, only to do and suffer what God allots to you. When you can be of the spirit and temper of angels, who are willing to come down into this lower world, to perform what God commands them, though their desires are heavenly, and not in the least set on earthly things, then you will be of that temper which you ought to have, Col. iii. 2. 6 "Once more; never think that you can live to God by your own power or strength; but always look to, and rely on him for assistance, yea for all strength and grace. There is no greater truth than this, that we can do nothing of ourselves;' (John xv. 5. and 2 Cor. iii. 5.) yet nothing but our own experience can effectually teach it us. Indeed, we are a long time in learning, that all our strength and salvation is in God. This is a life which I think no unconverted man can possibly live; and yet it is a life which every godly soul is pressing after, in some good measure. Let it then be your great concern, thus to devote yourself and your all to God. "I long to see you, that I may say much more to you than I now can, for your benefit and welfare; but I desire to commit you to, and leave you with, the Father of mercies, and God of all grace; praying that you may be directed safely through an evil world, to God's heavenly kingdom. "I am your affectionate loving brother, " DAVID BRainerd." Jan. 3. Was employed much of the day in writing; and spent some time in other necessary employment. But my time passes away so swiftly, that I am astonished when I reflect on it, and see how little I do. My state of solitude does not make the hours hang heavy upon my hands. O what reason of thankfulness have I on account of this retirement! I find, that I do not, and it seems I cannot lead a Christian life, when I am abroad, and cannot spend time in devotion, Christian conversation, and serious meditation, as I should do. Those weeks that I am obliged now to be from home, in order to learn the Indian tongue, are mostly spent in perplexity and barrenness, without much sweet relish of divine things; and I feel myself a stranger at the throne of grace, for want of more frequent and 3 continued retirement. When I return home, and give myself to meditation, prayer, and fasting, a new scene opens to my mind, and my soul longs for mortification, self-denial, humility, and divorcement from all the things of the world. This evening, my heart was somewhat warm and fervent in prayer and meditation, so that I was loath to indulge sleep. Continued in those duties till about midnight. Jan. 4. "Was in a resigned and mortified temper of mind, much of the day. Time appeared a moment, life a vapour, and all enjoyments as empty bubbles, and fleeting blasts of wind. Jan. 5. "Had a humbling and oppressive sense of my unworthiness. My sense of the badness of my own heart filled my soul with bitterness and anguish; which was ready to sink, as under the weight of a heavy burden. Thus I spent the evening, till late. Was somewhat intense and ardent in prayer. Jan. 6. "Feeling my extreme weakness, and want of grace, the pollution of my soul, and danger of temptations on every side, I set apart this day for fasting and prayer, neither eating nor drinking from evening to evening, beseeching God to have mercy on me. My soul intensely longed that the dreadful spots and stains of sin might be washed away from it. Saw something of the power and all-sufficiency of God. My soul seemed to rest on his power and grace; longed for resignation to his will, and mortification to all things here below. My mind was greatly fixed on divine things: my resolutions for a life of mortification, continual watchfulness, self-denial, seriousness and devotion, were strong and fixed; my desires ardent and intense; my conscience tender, and afraid of every appearance of evil. My soul grieved with reflection on past levity, and want of resolution for God. I solemnly renewed my dedication of myself to God, and longed for grace to enable me always to keep covenant with him. Time appeared very short, eternity near; and a great name, either in or after life, together with all earthly pleasures and profits, but an empty bubble, a deluding dream. Jan. 7. "Spent this day in seriousness, with steadfast resolutions for God, and a life of mortification. Studied closely till I felt my bodily strength fail. Felt some degree of resignation to God, with an acquiescence in his dispensations. Was grieved that I could do so little for God before my bodily strength failed. In the evening, though tired, was enabled to continue instant in prayer for some time. Spent the time in reading, meditation, and prayer, till the evening was far spent: was grieved to think that I could not watch unto prayer the whole night. But blessed be God, heaven is a place of continual and incessant devotion, though the earth is dull." VOL. X. 16 The six days following, he continued in the same happy frame of mind; enjoyed the same composure, calmness, resignation, ardent desire, and sweet fervency of spirit, in a high degree, every day, not one excepted. Thursday, this week, he kept as a day of secret fasting and prayer. 6 Jan. 14. "This morning, enjoyed a most solemn season in prayer: my soul seemed enlarged, and assisted to pour out itself to God for grace, and for every blessing I wanted for myself, my dear christians friends, and for the church of God; and was so enabled to see Him who is invisible, that my soul rested upon him for the performance of every thing I asked agreeable to his will. It was then my happiness to continue instant in prayer,' and I was enabled to continue in it for near an hour. My soul was then strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.' Longed exceedingly for an angelic holiness and purity, and to have all my thoughts, at all times, employed in divine and heavenly things. O how unspeakably blessed it is, to feel a measure of that rectitude, in which we were at first created! Felt the same divine assistance in prayer sundry times in the day. My soul confided in God for myself, and for his Zion; trusted in divine power and grace, that he would do glorious things in his church on earth, for his own glory." The next day he speaks of some glimpses which he had of the divine glories, and of his being enabled to maintain his resolutions in some measure; but complains, that he could not draw near to God. He seems to be filled with trembling fears lest he should return to a life of vanity, to please himself with some of the enjoyments of this lower world; and speaks of his being much troubled, and feeling guilty, that he should address immortal souls with no more ardency and desire of their salvation. On Monday, he rode down to Stockbridge, when he was distressed with extreme cold; but notwithstanding, his mind was in a devout and solemn frame in his journey. The four next days, he was very ill, probably from the cold in his journey; yet he spent the time in a solemn manner. On Friday evening, he visited Mr. Hopkins; and on Saturday, rode eighteen miles to Salisbury, where he kept the Sabbath, and enjoyed considerable degrees of God's gracious presence, assistance in duty, and divine comfort and refreshment, longing to give himself wholly to God, to be his forever. Jan. 23. "I think I never felt more resigned to God, nor so dead to the world, in every respect, as now; was dead to all desire of reputation and greatness, either in life, or after death; all I longed for, was to be holy, humble, crucified to the world, &c. Jan. 24. "Near noon, rode over to Canaan. In the evening, I was unexpectedly visited by a considerable number of people, with whom I was enabled to converse profitably on divine things; took pains to describe the difference between a regular and irregular SELF-LOVE; the one consisting with a supreme love to God, but the other not; the former uniting God's glory, and the soul's happiness, that they become one common interest, but the latter disjoining and separating God's glory and man's happiness, seeking the latter with a neglect of the former. Illustrated this by that genuine love that is founded between the sexes; which is diverse from that which is wrought up towards a person only by rational argument, or hope of self-interest. Love is a pleasing passion, it affords pleasure to the mind where it is; but yet, genuine love is not, nor can be placed on any object with that design of pleasure itself." On Wednesday he rode to Sheffield; the next day, to Stockbridge; and on Saturday, home to Kaunaumeek, though the season was cold and stormy: which journey was followed with illness and pain. It appears by this diary, that he spent the time while riding, in profitable meditations, and in lifting up his heart to God; and he speaks of assistance, comfort and refreshment; but still complains of barrenness, &c. His diary for the five next days is full of the most heavy, bitter complaints; and he expresses himself as full of shame and selfloathing for his lifeless temper of mind and sluggishness of spirit, and as being in perplexity and extremity, and appearing to himself unspeakably vile and guilty before God, on account of some inward workings of corruption he found in his heart, &c. Feb. 2. Spent this day in fasting and prayer; seeking the presence and assistance of God, that he would enable me to overcome all my corruptions, and spiritual enemies. 26 Feb. 3. Enjoyed more freedom and comfort than of late; was engaged in meditation upon the different whispers of the various powers and affections of a pious mind, exercised with a great variety of dispensations; and could not but write, as well as meditate, on so entertaining a subject. I hope the Lord gave me some true sense of divine things this day: but alas, how great and pressing are the remains of indwelling corruption! I am now more sensible than ever, that God alone is 'the author and finisher of our faith,' i. e. that the whole and every part of sanctification, and every good word, work, or thought, found in |