Imágenes de páginas
PDF
EPUB

Lord's day, Sept. 20. "Was still in a sweet and comfortable frame and was again melted with desires that God might be glorified, and with longings to love and live to him. Longed for the influences of the divine Spirit to descend on ministers, in a special manner. And I longed to be with God, to behold his glory, and to bow in his presence!"

It appears by what is noted in his diary, both of this day and the evening preceding, that his mind at this time was much impressed with a sense of the importance of the work of the ministry, and the need of the grace of God, and his special spiritual assistance in this work. It also appeared in what he expressed in conversation: particularly in his discourse to his brother Israel, who was then a member of Yale College at New-Haven, prosecuting his studies for the work of the ministry.* He now, and from time to time, in this his dying state, recommended to his brother a life of self-denial, of weanedness from the world, and devotedness to God, and an earnest endeavour to obtain much of the grace of God's Spirit, and God's gracious influences on his heart; representing the great need which ministers stand in of them, and the unspeakable benefit of them from his own experience. Among many other expressions, he said thus:-" When ministers feel these special gracious influences on their hearts, it wonderfully assists them to come at the consciences of men, and as it were to handle them whereas, without them, whatever reason and oratory we make use of, we do but make use of stumps, instead of hands."

Sept. 21. "I began to correct a little volume of my private writings. God, I believe, remarkably helped me in it; my strength was surprisingly lengthened out, my thoughts were quick and lively, and my soul refreshed, hoping it might be a work for God.-O how good, how sweet it is to labour for God!

Sept. 22. "Was again employed in reading and correcting, and had the same success, as the day before. I was exceeding weak; but it seemed to refresh my soul, thus to spend time.

Sept. 23. "I finished my corrections of the little piece before-mentioned, and felt uncommonly peaceful: it seemed as if I had now done all my work in this world, and stood ready for my call to a better. As long as I see any thing to be done for God, life is worth having: but O, how vain and unworthy it is, to live for any lower end !—this day, I indited a letter, I think,

* This young gentleman was an ingenious, serious, studious, and hopefully pious person there appeared in him many qualities giving hope of his being a great blessing in his day. But it has pleased God, since the death of his brother, to take him away also. He died that winter, at New-Haven January 6, 1748, of a nervous fever, after about a fortnight's illness.

[ocr errors]

of great importance, to the Rev. Mr. Byram in New-Jersey. Oh that God would bless and succeed that letter, which was written for the benefit of his church!* Oh that God would purify the sons of Levi, that his glory may be advanced!—This night, I endured a dreadful turn, wherein my life was expected scarce an hour or minute together. But blessed be God, I have enjoyed considerable sweetness in divine things, this week both by night and day.

Sept. 24. "My strength began to fail exceedingly; which looked further as if I had done all my work: however, I had strength to fold and superscribe my letter. About two I went to bed, being weak and much disordered, and lay in a burning fever till night, without any proper rest. In the evening, I got up, having lain down in some of my clothes; but was in the greatest distress, that ever I endured, having an uncommon kind of hiccough; which either strangled me, or threw me into a straining to vomit; and at the same time was distressed with griping pains. O the distress of this evening! I had little expectation of my living the night through, nor indeed had any about me and I longed for the finishing moment! -I was

obliged to repair to bed by six o'clock; and through mercy enjoyed some rest; but was grievously distressed at turns with the hiccough.- -My soul breathed after God,-- When shall I come to God, even to God, my exceeding joy? Oh for his blessed likeness!

Sept. 25. "This day, I was unspeakably weak, and little better than speechless all the day; however, I was able to write a little, and felt comfortably in some part of the day. O it refreshed my soul, to think of former things, of desires to glorify God, of the pleasures of living to him! O, blessed God, I am speedily coming to thee, I hope. Hasten the day, O Lord, if it be thy blessed will, O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen.t Sept. 26. "I felt the sweetness of divine things, this forenoon; and had the consolation of a consciousness that I was doing something for God.

Lord's day, Sept. 27. "This was a very comfortable day to my soul: I think, I awoke with God. I was enabled to lift up my soul to God, early this morning; and while I had little bodily strength, I found freedom to lift up my heart to God for myself and others. Afterwards, was pleased with the thoughts of speedily entering into the unseen world.”

Early this morning, as one of the family came into the room he expressed himself thus: "I have had more pleasure this morn

* It was concerning the qualifications of ministers, and the examination and licensing of candidates for the work of the ministry.

This was the last time that ever he wrote in his Diary with his own hand; though it is continued a little farther, in a broken manner; written by his brother Israel, but indited by his mouth in this his weak and dying state.

ing, than all the drunkards in the world enjoy."——So much did he esteem the joy of faith above the pleasures of sin.—He felt that morning an unusual appetite to food, with which his mind seemed to be exhilarated, looking on it as a sign of the very near approach of death. At this time he also said, "I was born on a Sabbath-day; and I have reason to think 1 was newborn on a Sabbath-day; and I hope I shall die on this Sabbathday. I shall look upon it as a favour if it may be the will of God that it should be so: I long for the time. O, why is his chariot so long in coming? why tarry the wheels of his chariot ? I am very willing to part with all; I am willing to part with my dear brother John, and never to see him again, to go to be for ever with the Lord.* O, when I go there, how will God's dear church on earth be upon my mind!"

Afterwards, the same morning being asked how he did, he answered, "I am almost in eternity? I long to be there. My work is done; I have done with all my friends; all the world is nothing to me. I long to be in heaven, praising and glorifying God with the holy angels. All my desire is to glorify God.

During the whole of these last two weeks of his life, he seemed to continue in this frame of heart; loose from all the world, as having finished his work, and done with all things here below. He had now nothing to do but to die, and to abide in an earnest desire and expectation of the happy moment, when his soul should take its flight to a state of perfect holiness, in which he should be found perfectly glorifying and enjoying God. He said, That the consideration of the day of death, and the day of judgment, had a long time been peculiarly sweet to him." From time to time he spoke of his being willing to leave the body and the world immediately, that day, that night, that moment, if it was the will of God. He also was much engaged in expressing his longings that the church of Christ on earth might flourish, and Christ's kingdom here might be advanced, notwithstanding he was about to leave the earth, and should not with his eyes behold the desirable event, nor be instrumental in promoting it. He said to me, one morning, as I came into his room, "My thoughts have been employed on the old dear theme, the prosperity of God's church on earth. As I waked out of sleep, I was led to cry for the pouring out of God's Spirit, and the advancement of Christ's kingdom, for which the Redeemer did and suffered so much. It is that especially which makes me long for it."-He expressed much hope that a glorious advancement of Christ's kingdom was near at hand.

*He had, before this,expressed a desire, if it might be the will of God, to live till his brother returned from New-Jersey: who, when he went away, intended if possible, to perform his journey, and return in a fortnight: hoping once more to meet his brother in the land of the living. The fortnight was now near expired, it ended the next day.

He once told me, that " he had formerly longed for the outpouring of the Spirit of God and the glorious times of the church, and hoped they were coming; and should have been willing to have lived to promote religion at that time, if that had been the will of God; but, says he, I am willing it should be as it is; I would not have the choice to make for myself, for ten thousand worlds " He expressed on his death-bed a full persuasion that he should in heaven see the prosperity of the church on earth, and should rejoice with Christ therein; and the consideration of it seemed to be highly pleasing and satisfying to his mind.

He also still dwelt much on the great importance of the work of gospel ministers, and expressed his longings, that they might be filled with the Spirit of God. He manifested much desire to see some of the neighbouring ministers, with whom he had some acquaintance, and of whose sincere friendship he was confident that he might converse freely with them on that subject, before he died. And it so happened, that he had opportunity with some of them according to his desire.

"Another thing that lay much on his heart, from time to time, in these near approaches of death, was the spiritual prosperity of his own congregation of Christian Indians in New-Jersey: and when he spake of them, it was with peculiar tenderness so that his speech would be presently interrupted and drowned with tears.

He also expressed much satisfaction in the disposals of Providence, with regard to the circumstances of his death; particularly that God had before his death given him an opportunity in Boston with so many considerable persons, ministers, and others to give in his testimony for God against false religion, and many mistakes that lead to it, and promote it. He was much pleased that he had an opportunity there to lay before pious and charitable gentlemen the state of the Indians, and their necessities to so good effect, and that God had since enabled him to write to them further concerning these affairs; and to write other letters of importance, which he hoped might be of good influence with regard to the state of religion among the Indians, and elsewhere, after his death. He expressed great thankfulness to God for his mercy in these things. He also mentioned it as what he accounted a merciful circumstance of his death, that he should die here. When he was sick at Boston, nigh unto death, it was with reluctance he thought of dying in a place where funerals are often attended with a pomp and show, to any appearance of which he was very averse: and though it was with some difficulty he got his mind reconciled to the prospect then before him, yet at last he was brought to acquiesce in the divine will, with respect to this circumstance of his departure. However, it pleased God to order the event so as to gratify his VOL. X.

52

desire which he had expressed, of getting back to Northampton, with a view particularly to a more silent and private burial. And speaking of these things, he said, "God had granted him all his desire;" and signified, that now he could with the greater alacrity leave the world.

Sept. 28. "I was able to read and make some few corrections in my private writings; but found I could not write, as I had done; I found myself sensibly declined in all respects. It has been only from a little while before noon, till about one or two o'clock, that I have been able to do any thing for some time past: yet this refreshed my heart that I could do any thing either public or private, that I hoped was for God."

This evening, he was supposed to be dying. He thought so himself, and was thought so by those who were about him. He seemed glad at the appearance of the near approach of death. He was almost speechless, but his lips appeared to move: and one that sat very near him, heard him utter such expressions as these," Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.-Oh why is his chariot so long in coming." After he revived, he blamed himself for having been too eager to be gone. And in expressing what he found in the frame of his mind at that time, he said, he then found an inexpressibly sweet love to those whom he looked upon as belonging to Christ beyond almost all that ever he felt before, so that it seemed, to use his own words, "like a little piece of heaven to have one of them near him." And being asked, whether he heard the prayer that was, at his desire, made with him ; he said, "Yes, he heard every word, and had an uncommon sense of the things that were uttered in that prayer, and that every word reached his heart."

On the evening of Tuesday, Sept. 29, as he lay on his bed, he seemed to be in an extraordinary frame; his mind greatly engaged in sweet meditations concerning the prosperity of Zion. There being present here at that time two young gentlemen of his acquaintance, who were candidates for the ministry, he desired us all to unite in singing a Psalm on that subject, even Zion's prosperity. And on his desire we sung a part of the 102d Psalm. This seemed much to refresh and revive him, and gave him new strength; so that, though before he could scarcely speak at all, now he proceeded, with some freedom of speech, to give his dying counsels to those two young gentlemen beforementioned, relating to their preparation for, and prosecution of that great work of the ministry for which they were designed; and in particular earnestly recommended to them frequent secret fasting and prayer: and enforced his counsel with regard to this from his own experience of the great comfort and benefit of it, which said he, I should not mention, were it not that I am a

« AnteriorContinuar »