THE MEN.

Lord SPARKISH.
Lord SMART.

Sir JOHN LINGER.
Mr. NEVEROut.
Colonel ATWIT.

THE LADIES.

Lady SMART.
Miss NOTABLE.
Lady ANSWERALL.

ARGUMENT.

LORD SPARKISH and Colonel ATWIT meet in the morning upon the Mall: Mr. NEVEROUT joins them they all go to breakfast at Lady SMART's. Their conversation over their tea: after which

they part; but my lord and the two gentlemen are invited to dinner :-Sir JOHN LINGER invited likewise, and comes a little too late. The whole conversation at dinner: after which, the ladies retire to their tea. The conversation of the ladies without the men, who are supposed to stay and drink a bottle, but, in some time, go to the ladies, and drink tea with them. The conversation there. After which, a party at quadrille until three in the morning; but no conversation set down. They all take leave, and go home.

POLITE CONVERSATION, &c.

ST. JAMES'S PARK.

Lord SPARKISH meeting Col. ATWIT.

Col. Well met, my lord.

Ld. Sparkish. Thank ye, colonel. A parson would have said, I hope we shall meet in heaven.. When did you see Tom Neverout?

Col. He's just coming toward us. Talk of the devil

NEVEROUT comes up.

Col. How do you do, Tom?

Neverout. Never the better for you.

Col. I hope you are never the worse: but pray where's your manners? Don't you see my Lord Sparkish?

Neverout. My lord, I beg your lordship's pardon. Ld. Sparkish. Tom, how is it that you can't see the wood for trees? What wind blew you hither? Neverout. Why, my lord, it is an ill wind blows nobody good; for it gives me the honour of seeing your lordship.

Col. Tom, you must go with us to Lady Smart's to breakfast.

Neverout. Must! why, colonel, must's for the King. [Col. offering, in jest, to draw his sword. Col. Have you spoke with all your friends? Neverout. Colonel, as you are stout be merciful. Ld. Sparkish. Come, agree, agree; the law's [Col. taking his hand from his hilt. Col. Well, Tom, you are never the worse man to be afraid of me. Come along.

costly.

Neverout. What! do you think I was born in a wood to be afraid of an owl?

I'll wait on you. I hope Miss Notable will be there; 'egad, she's very handsome, and has wit at will.

Col. Why, every one as they like, as the good woman said when she kiss'd her cow.

Lord SMART'S House: they knock at the door; the
Porter comes out.

Ld. Sparkish. Pray, are you the porter?
Porter. Yes, for want of a better.

Ld. Sparkish. Is your lady at home?

Porter. She was at home just now, but she's not gone out yet.

Neverout. I warrant this rogue's tongue is well hung.

Lady SMART'S Anti-chamber.

Lady SMART and Lady ANSWERALL at the Tea-table.

Lady Smart. My lord, your lordship's most humble servant.

Ld. Sparkish. Madam, you spoke too late; I was your ladyship's before.

Lady Smart. O! colonel, are you here?
Col. As sure as you're there, madam.

Lady Smart. O, Mr. Neverout! What, such a man alive!

Neverout. Ay, madam, alive, and alive like to be, at your ladyship's service.

Lady Smart. Well, I'll get a knife, and nick it down, that Mr. Neverout came to our house. And pray, what news, Mr. Neverout?

Neverout. Why, madam, Queen Elizabeth's dead. Lady Smart. Well, Mr. Neverout, I see you are no changeling.

Miss NOTABLE comes in.

Neverout. Miss, your slave: I hope your early rising will do you no harm. I find you are but just come out of the cloth market.

Miss. I always rise at eleven, whether it be day or

not.

Col. Miss, I hope you are up for all day.

Miss. Yes, if I don't get a fall before night. Col. Miss, I heard you were out of order; pray how are you now?

Miss. Pretty well, colonel, I thank you.

Col. Pretty and well, miss! that's two very good things.

Miss. I mean I am better than I was.

Neverout. Why, then, 'tis well you were sick. Miss. What! Mr. Neverout, you take me up before I'm down.

Lady Smart. Come, let us leave off children's play; and go to push-pin.

Miss. [To Lady Smart.] Pray, madam, give me some more sugar to my tea.

Col. O miss, you must needs be very goodhumour'd, you love sweet things so well.

Neverout. Stir it up with the spoon, miss; for the deeper the sweeter.

Lady Smart. I assure you, miss, the colonel has made you a great compliment.

Miss. I am sorry for it; for I have heard say, complimenting is lying.

Lady Smart. [To Lord Sparkish.] My lord, methinks the sight of you is good for sore eyes; if we had known of your coming, we should have strewn rushes for you: How has your lordship done this long time?

Čol. Faith, madam, he's better in health than in good conditions.

Ld. Sparkish. Well, I see there's no worse friend than one brings from home with one; and I am not the first man has carried a rod to whip himself.

Neverout. Here's poor miss has not a word to throw at a dog. Come, a penny for your thought. Miss. It is not worth a farthing; for I was thinking of you.

Colonel rising up.

Lady Smart. Colonel, where are you going so soon? I hope you did not come to fetch fire. Col. Madam, I must needs go home for half an hour.

Miss. Why, colonel, they say the devil's at home. Lady Answ. Well, but sit while you stay, 'tis as cheap sitting as standing,

Col. No, madam, while I'm standing I'm going. Miss. Nay, let him go; I promise him we won't tear his clothes to hold him.

Lady Smart. I suppose, colonel, we keep you from better company, I mean only as to myself. Col. Madam, I am all obedience.