LITTLE BILLEE. (AIR-Il y avait un petit navire.) There was gorging Jack and guzzling Jimmy, Says gorging Jack to guzzling Jimmy, "First let me say my catechism, Which my poor mammy taught to me." "Make haste, make haste," says guzzling Jimmy, While Jack pulled out his snickersnee. So Billy went up the main-top gallant mast, "Jerusalem and Madagascar, And North and South Amerikee: So when they got aboard of the Admiral's ship The Captain of a Seventy-three. It is stated that Thackeray first sang this amusing piece of nonsense extempore. When it first found its way into print is not known, but it occurs as early as 1863 in an article on Thackeray which appeared in the, now defunct, "North British Review." Prior to that date an incorrect version was printed in some American newspapers, and rumour at once fixed upon O. W. Holmes as the author. Perhaps Holmes may have written a parody on it, but if so, it does not appear in his collected poems. THE MODERN MEN OF GOTHAM! THERE were three dwellers in Gotham city But first with fallacies, and figments, There was bumptuous 'Arry, and bouncing Jemmy, And the bowl was crank as the crankest cockboat, They might have sailed in a genuine clipper, But they'd had a row with the Free Trade skipper, Their craft-" Fair Trade" was the name they christened it They jointly launched on the tumbling ocean, And they huddled into her with a lot of shouting, For she tumbled this way, and wobbled that way, And the angry billows dashed damply over them, come. Thus bumptious 'Arry and bouncing Jemmy, Says bumptiovs 'Arry to bouncing Jemmy, To bumptious 'Arry says bouncing Jemmy, "How about Reciprocitee?" Says bumptious 'Arry to bouncing Jemmy, If this blessed bowl takes us bang to the bottom, Says he, "Our Free Trade Catechism We'd better repeat upon bended knee, And be more particular about the Ninth Commandment, Nor again go floating in a bowl to sea." So when they got back to the Free Trade skipper, He chivied 'Arry and he chaffed Jemmee. But as for little Randee, they made him Well, they who live longest will probably see! Punch. November 15, 1884. Henry Chaplin, M. P., James Lowther, M. P., and Lord Randolph Churchill, M. P., had recently been advocating several remedies for the agricultural depression. Fair Trade, Reciprocity, and a Protective Duty on imported corn, were proposed, but met with no general support either in Parliament, or out of it. THE JOLLY COMMISSIONERS. THERE were some Commissioners of Northern Lighthouses, Who took a boat and went to sea, Who took a boat to see what they could see. There was Gorging Jack and Guzzling Jimmy, At the Waterloo, Grieve's Hostelrce. They went to inspect Lighthouses and Lightships, A very pleasant trip it was, N. B. Says Gorging Jack to Guzzling Jimmy, "What shall we do if we're hunge-ree? Which will happen very probablee. 'Oh, ain't we going to drink and eat too When Lighthouses we come to see? Oh, this air gives such an appe-ti-tee." Says Guzzling Jim to Gorging Jacky, "O Gorging Jack, what a fool you be. Let's store the boats provisionallee." With dinners and dessert and Amontillado, And Chambertin they loaded she, With Sixty-four Lafitte they loaded she. * They'd Steinberg Cabinet of Sixty-Eight too, And other wines which were all first-rate to Says Guzzling Jim unto Jackee, "Oh, what a lot of lighthouses I see ! "But they all appear mos' dre'fully shaky, "I think the Lighthouses have been drinking, "Look at the lightsh how they're revolving, I don't think they're working properlee, The Board of Trade must hear of this from We." Before they finished their Waterloo Banquet, And as for their little Bill (who paid it?) It's being examined by a Com-mit-tee When next they want Lighthouse Commissioners To examine the Scottish Coast, N.B. Of candidates what crowds there'll be !! Punch. March 5, 1887. A most exorbitant charge was made for the dinners and refreshments provided for these Commissioners. :0: THACKERAY'S BURLESQUE ANALYSIS OF THE SORROWS OF WERTHER. WERTHER had a love for Charlotte Such as words could never utter ; Charlotte was a married lady, And a moral man was Werther, And no more was by it troubled. Went on cutting bread and butter. PEG OF LIMAVADDY. LIMAVADDY inn's But a humble baithouse, Where you may procure Whiskey and potatoes; Landlord at the door Gives a smiling welcome To the shivering wights Who to his hotel come. Landlady within Sits and knits a stocking, With a wary foot Baby's cradle rocking. To the chimney nook, Playing with two kittens ; (Playing round the fire, Which of blazing turf is, Roaring to the pot Which bubbles with the murphies ;) And the cradled babe Fond the mother nursed it! Singing it a song As she twists the worsted! Up and down the stair Two more young ones patter Both have mottled legs, With the sleet and hail, sir, Presently a maid Enters with the liquor, (Half a pint of ale Frothing in a beaker,) Gods! I did'nt know What my beating heart meant Hebe's self I thought Enter'd the apartment. As she came she smiled, And the smile bewitching, On my word and honour, Lighted all the kitchen. With a curtsey neat Offers me the rummer ; Every drop I spilt it; Spilt it every drop (Dames, who read my volumes, Pardon such a word,) On my what d'y call 'ems! Witnessing the sight Of that dire disaster, Out began to laugh Misses, maid, and master; Such a merry peal, O'ER Atlantic wave Comes a fearsome babel; Every sort of stave, Fact confused with fable. Henry some assail, T'other side the ferry ; But the western gale Blows love of Ellen Terry! Black is Henry's guilt, At a pet tradition. When he seems to fail Philistines make merry ; But the western gale Blows love of Ellen Terry! Shylock is too tame For a taste robustious; Henry is "industrious! Melancholy Dane, Why this grief abysmal ? Democrats would fain See a Prince less dismal. How can Boston praise, With this thought unnervingEdwin's crown of bays On the brow of Irving? For the Martyr King Countless cheeks are dewy ; Critics sweetly sing Anthems to the Louis. Many love him best When his vein for sport is Prize the polished jest That his Doricourt is. Mathias appals With his conscience deathless Gallery and stalls, Sitting mute and breathless. What though taunting scribe Write himself a noodle? Henry turns the gibe, Whistling "Yankee Doodle ! " That land of Revolution, that grows the tricolor; And to welcome his return From pilgrimages forr'n, We invited him to tay on the Shannon shore. When full of tay and cake, But juice a one could hear him for a sudden roar Began to yell and shout, And frighten the propriety of Shannon shore. As Smith O'Brine harangued, Tim Doolan's doors and windies down they tore : Purshuing of their shindies upon Shannon shore. With throwing of brickbats, These ruffin democrats themselves did lower : They flung among the patriots of Shannon shore. "Cut down the bloody horde!" "This conduct would disgrace any blackamore ;" But the best use Tommy made Of his famous battle blade Was to cut his stick from the Shannon shore. Then the bugle sounded, and all of them bounded, Their club was the Pickwick (which wanst had a picnic And next comes the Surrey up all in a hurry, With nice Mister Budd, 'kase he thought they were late; And Mister Oxx laughing so wide at the chaffing, He had to stop smiling to get through the gate. And then came the Temple, a pleasant exemple Of teetotal members who never drink beer; In front of them " Maccy," who rode on his "jacky," And young Charley Liles bringing up the rear. Then comes Lacy Hillier-'twould purty well kill ye, In such a sad manner, just by the Diana, The next was the London, and may I be undone, (Three verses omitted.) Then the eggs and the cresses and the ladies' dresses, And all other things which are good for to eat, With tea to delight 'em all ad infinitum, And waiters to cut up the plates full of meat; There was punch and toddy for everybody, And anyone else who could only get in; But poor Mister Sopper eat more than was proper, Which made him so fat that he'll never get thin. Then the crowd disperses-the sojers and nurses, And dames with their purses for to catch the train, Wid all of them boring, each other assuring It's the grandest sight they'll never see again. And now that I've finished my tale and diminished The beautiful nagus ye mixed before, I'm dhry as a dragon, so hand me the flagonSure it can't hurt to drink one glass more. H. A. V. From Icycles. The Christmas number of The Wheel World, 1880. THE BATTLE OF O'BRINE. GREAT jaynius of the nation, Ould Ireland's veneration, Come over, Mr. Gladstone, most honourable sorr; To slay the tricherous Saxon That raised that dridful shindy on fair Ontario's shore. |