64

VALUE OF COURTESY.

And various popular synopses of
Inhuman doctrines never taught by John

I learnt my complement of classic French
And German also.

It is hardly classic French or German which enters into the current system of popular Education !—

'I learnt a little algebra, a little

Of the mathematics,-brushed with extreme flounce

The circle of the sciences.

I learnt the royal genealogies

Of Oviedo, the internal laws

Of the Burmese empire,-by how many feet
Mount Chimborazo outsoars Teneriffe.'

And other geographical statistics of about equal value and practical importance. But she learned something more-that soupçon of accomplishments which with many persons passes muster as Education. She says:

'I learnt much music-such as would have been
As quite impossible in Johnson's day

As still it might be wished-fine sleights of hand
And unimagined fingering, shuffling off

The hearer's soul through hurricanes of notes
To a noisy Tophet; and I drew

costumes

From French engravings, Nereids neatly draped
(With smirks of simmering godship); I washed in
Landscapes from Nature (rather say, washed out).
I danced the polka and Cellarius,

Spun glass, stuffed birds, and modelled flowers in wax.'

But from these character-sketches of the Girls I have Met, and we still meet with, I pass on to glance at some of the things which we hope to find in our Girls when they go ' abroad,' and mix in society. And first we look for Courtesy. As girls who mix in good society' may be expected, à priori, to know something of 'good manners,' of those details of politeness. which we call 'etiquette,' it will be evident that I look upon Courtesy as a higher and better quality altogether. In fact, I value it so highly that I am tempted to describe it as the religion of common life, because it is based on the principle that we should do unto others as we wish others to do unto

ITS POWERFUL CLAIM.

65

us. Now, as a rule, a girl knows that Society regards it as lèse-majesté if she 'eat peas with a knife,' or 'ask twice for soup; but she does not always know, or if she knows, she acts as if she were ignorant, that it is contra bonos mores to ridicule a physical infirmity or behave towards old age with disrespect. She does not always know that it is 'bad form' (and something worse) to wound the feelings of any with whom she is brought into contact, to assume airs of superiority, to obtrude herself into a foremost position, to wound by a sneer, an innuendo, or a direct sarcasm. This is that higher development of good manners which springs from an earnest belief in the Christian teaching of goodwill and kindly sympathy, which exemplifies and calls into action 'all the graces of an excellent spirit.' This is that exquisite quality of gentleness which becomes a woman more than any personal charm, any beauty of countenance or admirable curve of figure. This is that tenderness and sweetness of feeling which distinguished the poet's heroine :

'An accent very low

In blandishment, but a most silver flow
Of subtle-paced counsel in distress;
Light to the heart and brain, though undescried,
Winning its way with extreme gentleness
Through all the outworks of suspicious pride.'

This is that magic spell which puts everybody at ease, everybody in good humour, which silences the sharp word, and diffuses the sentiment of peace wherever its influence is perceived. It is said of Sydney Smith that 'the love and admiration which he won from everyone, rich or poor, with whom he came in contact,' arose from the fact that, without, perhaps, cherishing consciously any such intention, 'he treated rich and poor, his own servants and the noblemen his guests, alike, and alike courteously, considerately, cheerfully, affectionately; so leaving a blessing, and reaping a blessing, wherever he went. His secret was Courtesy; and it was the secret also of that attractive and refined gentlewoman, of whom Steele said that to love her was a liberal education. It was the patient grace and

66

6

OF WHAT COURTESY CONSISTS.

charm which made the society of Miss Berry so coveted, which distinguished Margaret Fletcher, and Caroline Bowles, and Maria Gurney, and the wife of Flaxman, and many another good and great woman. Show me when and where you will a woman beloved by her friends and neighbours, a woman of whom every tongue speaks in praise, a woman on whom every eye is turned with affectionate regard, and you show me a woman whose life is inspired with Courtesy. Says Bulwer Lytton, The essence of all fine breeding is in the gift of conciliation. A man who possesses every other title to our respect, except that of courtesy, is in danger of forfeiting them all. A rude manner renders its owner always liable to affront. He is never without dignity who avoids wounding the dignity of others.' Ah, girls, cultivate this divine grace of Courtesy, which softens the roughest natures, touches the hardest hearts, breaks down the strongest barrier raised by pride, prejudice, or suspicion. Cultivate this gift which, like many, is twice blessed-blessing her who dispenses, and those who receive. Happy are they of whom it can be said, in the words of an old writer, that they do all things with so sweet a grace, it seems ignorance will not suffer them to do ill, it being in their minds to do well.

A compassionate treatment of the faults and foibles of others, resting upon an humble belief in our own, is one of the elements of true Courtesy. It has been said that women are the severest critics of women; it is certain that girls are the strongest censors of girls. I have heard girlish tongues distilling the venom of satire and ridicule with a copiousness that has surprised me-drop by drop it has fallen upon, and blistered, the characters of 'absent friends.' Ah, girls! I repeat, cultivate the grace of Courtesy, and search out what is best and truest, not what is weakest and worst, in your companions. There is a flaw in the finest workmanship, but I do not envy the man who seeks for it; who cares only to detect this little fault, and is insensible to the beauty of the carved cedar and the richness of the golden ornament. If we applied to ourselves the

A WORD UFON MODESTY.

67

microscopic scrutiny which we apply to others, what would become of our serene satisfaction, our self-love?

But in society we expect something more from our Girls than Courtesy, and that is Modesty! Modesty! The reader will pause, indignant, at a sentence which seems to cast upon her the imputation of a possible want of the great womanly virtue. Well, but what is Modesty? I do not suppose that any wellbred English girl, such as those whom this book addresses, would be guilty of immodest action or immodest speech; and yet they might be betrayed, by the influence of example, into action and speech which cannot be called modest. When a girl listens to what is offensively called 'a broad joke,' when she allows herself to peruse the novels of indelicate writers, when she adopts a loudness of tone, a freedom of gesture, and a copiousness of slang to be regretted even on the stage; when she condescends to wear an extravagant attire which is wanting in propriety and reserve, when by her manners she draws upon herself the observation of the public, when she indulges in vehement romping, when she forgets in her intercourse with her male friends the sweet reticence of maidenhood, I contend that she is immodest. It is surprising how well-born girls will stoop to actions which, if they read of them, they would be shocked at. They will enter into secret correspondence with one or more of the opposite sex, agree to clandestine meetings, receive gifts and join in excursions, entirely without the knowledge of their parents or guardians. Frequently this is done for the sake of excitement, a morbid craving which should be crushed at once. Of this be sure, no man respects a girl who will meet him thus clandestinely. Her behaviour may be all that is refined; her conversation pure, such as she would not fear all the world to hear; yet the very fact of her having so far transgressed as to give her time and company to him unknown to her guardians, seems to warrant a freedom and familiarity in his conduct, such as he would offer to no truly modest girl. It is true there are many men who will enter heartily into this secret intercourse, but they never desire the

68

THE GRACE OF SYMPATHY.

girl as a friend for their sisters, or seek her for their companion and life-partner. Her free bearing lacks modesty. There is a stain on the silver shield, a rift in the melodious lute. The stain may not grow darker or deeper, and the rift may not widen-Heaven grant that it may be so!--but they are there. Beware, then, of the first insidious approaches of the evil which may blight and blast your whole life, may sully the virgin whiteness of your soul, and torture your heart with violent emotions. Refuse to read novels and poems which are coarse in sentiment if not in expression; refuse to be present at the performance of plays which deal with offensive themes, or are 'seasoned' with the pruriency and vulgarity which nowadays too often pass for humour. Be modest, be seemly, be reserved, in dress and in speech, in manner and in action. Keep a watch always on your movements as on your lips. A girl loses all when she loses the bloom of purity.

Another quality which our Girls should carry into Society is a broad and genial Sympathy. They must not be wrapped up in themselves or their own interests; they must be able to think of the interests of others, to respect the views of others, to place themselves in the position of others so as to regard things from the same standpoint. It has been well said that a large amount of sympathy with the interests of one's neighbours is the nearest faculty, or condensation of faculties, to the highest order of genius. And as a female writer remarks, there is no spice for conversation-not even the wicked spice of malice, or the lawful spices of mother-wit and learning equal on all occasions, and under all conditions, to the spice of sympathetic interest in your neighbour's sayings, and consequent capability to answer him or her with ready intelligence on subjects varying with the speakers. Let us hear no more of girls who have the mistaken notion that they are well educated and accomplished because they can play or sing with taste and execution a fragment of a great opera, draw or paint a view or a group of figures which might, perhaps, pass muster as the work of a fourth-rate artist, or converse for a few moments more or less grammatically and