6 Turn. The Court has in all Ages been allowed to be the Standard of Good-breeding; and I believe there is not a jufter Observation in Monfieur Rouchefoucault, than that A Man who has been bred up wholly to Bu-, finefs, can never get the Air of a Courtier at Court, but will immediately catch it in the Camp. The Reason of this most certainly is, that the very Effence of Goodbreeding and Politenefs confifts in feveral Niceties, which are fo minute that they escape his Obfervation, ⚫ and he falls fhort of the Original he would copy after; < but when he fees the fame Things charged and aggravated to a Fault, he no fooner endeavours to come up. to the Pattern which is fet before him, than, though he ftops fomewhat fhort of that, he naturally rests ⚫ where in Reality he ought. I was two or three Days ago, mightily pleased with the Obfervation of an humorous Gentleman upon one of his Friends, who was in other Respects every way an accomplish'd Perfon, • That he wanted nothing but a Dash of the Coxcomb in him; by which he understood a little of that Alert• nefs and Unconcern in the common Actions of Life, which is ufually fo vifible among Gentlemen of the Army, and which a Campaign or two would infallibly have given him. You will eafily guefs, Sir, by this my Panegyrick upon a Military Education, that I am my felf a Soldier, and indeed I am fo. I remember within three • Years after I had been in the Army, I was ordered into the Country a Recruiting. I had very particular Succefs in this Part of the Service, and was over and above affured, at my going away, that I might have taken a young Lady, who was the moft confiderable Fortune in the Country along with me. I preferred the Purfuit of Fame at that Time to all other Confiderations, and tho' I was not abfolutely bent on a wooden Leg, ⚫ refolved at least to get a Scar or two for the Good of Europe. I have at present as much as I defire of this fort of Honour, and if you could recommend me effectually, fhould be well enough contented to pass the Remainder of my Days in the Arms of fome dear ⚫ kind Creature, and upon a pretty Estate in the Country. C 2 try. This, as I take it, would be following the Ex• ample of Lucius Cincinnatus, the old Roman Dictator, "who at the End of a War left the Camp to follow the Plow, I am, Sir, with all imaginable Respect, Your moft Obedient, Humble Servant, Will. Warly. Mr. SPECTATOR, AM an half-pay Officer, and am at present with a I Friend in the Country. Here is a rich Widow in the Neighbourhood, who has made Fools of all the • Fox-hunters within fifty Miles of her. She declares she "intends to marry, but has not yet been asked by the • Man fhe could like. She ufually admits her humble • Admirers to an Audience or two, but, after she has once given them Denial, will never see them more. I am affured by a female Relation that I fhall have fair Play at her; but as my whole Success depends on my firft Approaches, I defire your Advice, whether I had best Storm, or proceed by way of Sap. I am, SIR, Yours, &c. P. S. I had forgot to tell you, that I have already carried one of her Outworks, that is, fecured her Maid. Mr. SPECTATOR, I Have affifted in feveral Sieges in the Low-countries, and being ftill willing to employ my Talents, as a Soldier and Engineer, lay down this Morning at leven a Clock before the Door of an obftinate Female, who had for fome Time refufed me Admittance. I made a Lodgment in an outer Parlour about twelve: The Enemy retired to her Bed-chamber, yet I ftill purfued, and about two a-Clock this Afternoon fhe thought fit to capitulate. Her Demands are indeed fomewhat high, in relation to the Settlement of her Fortune : But being in Poffeffion of the House, I intend to in • fift fift upon Carte Blanche, and am in hopes, by keeping ⚫ off all other Pretenders for the Space of twenty four Hours, to ftarve her into a Compliance. I beg your speedy Advice, and am, SIR, Yours, Peter Pufh. From my Camp in Red-lion Square, Saturday 4 in the Afternoon. No. 567. Wednesday, July 14. I Inceptus clamor fruftratur biantes. Virg. Have received private Advice from fome of my Correfpondents, that if I would give my Paper a general Run, I should take care to feafon it with Scandal. I have indeed obferved of late, that few Writings fell which are not filled with great Names and illuftrious Titles. The Reader generally cafts his Eye upon a new Book, and if he finds feveral Letters feparated from one another by a Dash, he buys it up, and perufes it with great Satisfaction. An M and an h, a Tandan r, with a fhort Line between them, has fold many an infipid Pamphlet. Nay I have known a whole Edition go off by vertue of two or three well-written &'s. A fprinkling of the Words Faction, Frenchman, Papift, Plunderer, and the like fignificant Terms, in an Italick Character, have alfo a very good Effect upon the Eye of the Purchaser, not to mention Scribler, Lyar, Rogue, Rafcal, Knave and Villain, without which it is impoffible to carry on a modern Controverfy. OUR Party-writers are fo fenfible of the fecret Virtue of an Inuendo to recommend their Productions, that of late they never mention the Qn or P. at length, though they speak of them with Honour and C 3 t with with that Deference which is due to them from every private Perfon. It gives a fecret Satisfaction to a Perufer of thefe myfterious Works, that he is able to decipher them without Help, and by the Strength of his own natural Parts, to fill up a blank Space, or make out a Word that has only the firft or laft Letter to it. SOME of our Authors indeed, when they would be more fatyrical than ordinary, omit only the Vowels of a great Man's Name, and fall moft unmercifully upon all the Confonants. This way of Writing was first of all introduced by T.--m Br--wn, of facetious Memory, who, after having gutted a proper Name of all its intermediate Vowels, ufed to plant it in his Works, and make as free with it as he pleased without any Danger of the Statute. THAT I may imitate these celebrated Authors, and publish a Paper which shall be more taking than ordinary, I have here drawn up a very curious Libel, in which a Reader of Penetration will find a great deal of concealed Satyr, and if he be acquainted with the Prefent Pofture of Affairs, will eafily discover the Meaning of it. *** IF there are four Perfons in the Nation who endeavour to bring all Things into Confufion, and ruin ⚫ their native Country, I think every honeft Engl-fhm--n ought to be upon his Guard. That there are fuch, every one will agree with me, who hears me name *** with his firft Friend and Favourite *** not to mention *** nor Thefe People may cry Ch--rch, Ch--rch, as long as they please, but to make use of a homely Proverb, The Proof of the P--dd--ng is in the eating. This I am fure of, that if a certain Prince fhould concur with a certain Prelate, (and we have Monfieur Zn's Word for it) our Pofterity would be in a fweet P-ckle. Muft the British Nation fuffer forfooth, becaufe my Lady 2-p-t-s has been difobliged? Or is it reafonable that our English Fleet, which used to be the Terror of the Ocean, fhould lie Wind-bound for the Sake of I love to speak out and declare Mind my clearly, when I am talking for the Good of my Country. I will not make my court to an ill Man, a tho' tho' he were a B-y or a Tt. Nay, I would not • ftick to call fo wretched a Politician, a Traitor, an Enemy to his Country, and a Bl-nd-rb-fs, &c. &c. THE remaining Part of this political Treatife, which is written after the manner of the moft celebrated Authors in Great-Britain, I may communicate to the Publick at a more convenient Seafon. In the mean while I fhall leave this with my curious Reader, as fome ingenious Writers do their Enigma's, and if any fagacious Perfon can fairly unriddle it, I will print his Explanation, and, if he pleafes, acquaint the World with his Name. I hope this fhort Effay will convince my Readers, it is not for want of Abilities that I avoid State-tracts, and that if I would apply my Mind to it, I might in a little time be as great a Mafter of the Political Scratch as any the moft eminent Writer of the Age. I fhall only add, that in order to outfhine all the modern Race of Syncopifts, and thoroughly content my English Readers, I intend fhortly to publish a SPECTATOR, that fhall not have a fingle Vowel in it. No. 568. Friday, July 16. Dum recitas, incipit effe Tuus. Mart. WAS Yesterday in a Coffee-houfe not far from the clofe Conference over a Pipe of Tobacco; upon which, having filled one for my own Ufe, I lighted it at the little Wax Candle that ftood before them; and after having thrown in two or three Whiffs amongst them, fat down and made one of the Company. I need not tell my Reader, that lighting a Man's Pipe at the fame Candle, is looked upon among Brother-finoakers as an Overture to Converfation and Friendship. As we here laid our Heads together in a very amicable Manner, being intrenched under a Cloud of our own raifing, I took up the last SPECTATOR, C 4 and |