there seems to be constant strife between him and me, whether I shall exceed in provoking, or he in pardoning; whether I shall succeed in destroying myself by my own madness and folly against his will, or he succeed in saving me in spite of myself. But in this strife he still conquers, and will conquer. I have done every thing to provoke him to leave me; but he will not be provoked. He will still return to humble me, and shame me; and I am ready to call on the rocks and mountains to fall on me, and hide me from the tender, expostulating, heart-breaking, soul-subduing glances of his eye, which fill me with such shame and confusion, that it seems as if I could more easily endure the lightnings of his indignation. Were all his people like me, and were justice done upon them, surely they would be sentenced to some hell more dreadful than that which is prepared for others.

"We have still considerable attention to religion. The number of inquirers is upwards of forty, and many more are serious. We had hoped for hundreds ere this; but God keeps us waiting, and praying, and still gives a spirit of prayer."

'MY DEAREST MOTHER,

"Portland, Sept. 22, 1809.

"The attention to religion still continues. Last communion we admitted eleven to the church, and next Sabbath we shall admit twelve more. The appetite for hearing seems insatiable, and our assemblies are more crowded than ever. Many have lately joined us. However, the Gospel proves a savor of death unto death, as well as of life unto life. Many

seem to be awfully hardened, and many severe reflections are cast upon religion and its professors.

"After telling you that religion thus flourishes among us, I am ashamed to complain; for what reason of complaint can a minister have, while he sees the cause of Christ triumphant? Nor do I complain of any thing except myself. Every earthly thing is imbittered to me, and the enjoyments of religion are kept far above my reach. I am overwhelmed by one wave of temptation after another. My bodily powers are kept in such a continual state of exhaustion, and my nerves are so weak, that mole-hills appear to be mountains, and I am ready to stumble at a straw; and when imaginary evils disappear, I find real perplexi ties and difficulties, which weigh me down in the dust. I know, indeed, that all these things are ne cessary; and when I am left in my own possession, I would not wish to have my burthen lightened. At times, too, I am 'holpen with a little help;' so that, though cast down, I am not utterly destroyed. But how desperate, how inconceivable must be the wickedness of that heart which draws down such sufferings from the hand of the compassionate Savior, and requires such painful remedies to heal it."

"MY DEAR SISTER,

"Portland, Nov. 1, 1809.

"It is no small disappointment to me, and I flatter myself that it will be some disappointment to you. that I am under the necessity of sending this inani mate scroll to see and inquire after you, instead of coming myself, as I expected, and partly promised. But my health does not absolutely require a journey

this season; and my engagements are such, that I know not how to be absent a single day. In the first place, the situation of the congregation requires my presence. The people still have a hearing ear, but there is more opposition, more attempts to mislead young converts, and turn aside inquirers, than formerly; and therefore I wish to be with them. Besides, the neighboring ministers are stirred up to more diligence and attention. They have lately adopted the custom of keeping days of fasting and prayer, and inviting in a number of preachers; and I have some engagements of this kind just now, which I am unwilling to leave. We have already had three days of this kind in three of the neighboring towns, and hope to extend it through the whole association. We are just establishing a Bible Society also, and this employs considerable time at present; so that, with these and other things which require attention, I am too much engaged to leave home; and I trust you will not suspect my affection diminishes, because I, at this time, prefer duty to pleasure.

increase. He

(6 My hopes respecting tells his people some solemn truths; and a lawyer from ******, who was formerly acquainted with him, says he is spoilt, and that, though he used to be a good rational preacher, he is in a fair way to become an enthusiast. What a glorious instance of sovereign mercy it would be, should God bless that people with a faithful minister!

"The cause of evangelical religion is certainly gaining ground in this eastern country. Mr. J. of B. on whom the liberal party placed great reliance, has lately come out full on the side of orthodoxy. Presi

dent A. was thought to be wavering, but he is now quite decided; and if Mr. does not disappoint our hopes, I think the **** **** will lose all hopes of liberalizing the District of Maine. Violent and systematic attempts, however, are making here in opposition to truth. Pamphlets are circulated to prove that all the hard texts in the Bible refer to primitive times; and the new Socinian translation of the New Testament threatens to produce mischief; but, while the enemy comes in as a flood, the Spirit of the Lord is lifting up a standard against him. Within two years five orthodox ministers have been settled, or are about settling in this association, which includes the county of Cumberland, and many others preach very different doctrine from what they formerly did."

His afflictive melancholy had now become comparatively harmless; for, though it did not cease to distress him, its tyrannical power was broken, and it much less frequently impeded his mental efforts. There is one allusion, however, to this mode of its operation, which is peculiarly characteristic :-" Was employed in vain attempts to prepare for lecture. Did nothing all day but learn the old lesson over again, that without Christ I can do nothing. Were I not the dullest of all scholars, I might surely spare my heavenly Father the trouble of teaching me this lesson again."

In his frequent seasons of illness, and his multiplied public engagements, he saw cause of danger that his private devotions would suffer interruption or abatement. To guard against such an evil appears to have been one object of the following resolutions, which were adopted, or renewed, near the close of this

66 1. I will, on no pretence whatever, omit read ing the Scriptures, with prayer, morning and evening "2. When practicable, I will spend one day in every week, in fasting and prayer.

"3. I will allow but six hours for sleep.

"4. I will endeavor to redeem the time, by being diligent and fervent in business.

"5. I will live more to the glory of God than I have done.

"6. I will, every evening, review my conduct through the day, and see how far I have fulfilled these resolutions."

To the peculiar trials which distinguished this year, the merciful Redeemer provided an antidote in the spiritual blessings which he bestowed. Under the labors of his servant, sinners were converted, and the church was increased by an addition of forty-four members.

CHAPTER XI.

Permanency and strength of maternal influence-Correspondence-Death-bed anguish, how alleviated—Disgraceful incident-Price of popularity-Reasons of former trials developed-Letters, &c.

THE reader is not to infer that the subject of this narrative ceased to 66 give himself continually unto prayer," because the daily-recorded testimony of the fact, to which appeal has so often been made, is less fre