To the best of my recollection, this sceptical state of mind lasted about half a year, when I gradually returned to reading the Bible (if it may be called reading ;) for no sooner had the Lord driven Satan from this post, than he attacked me from another. No longer able to make me deny the Scriptures, he endeavoured to prevent my reading them, and this he did by injecting the most vile and horrid, the most impure and abominable thoughts into my mind whenever I opened that blessed book. It is utterly impossible that a second person can conceive to what length this perplexing snare was carried. Many a time did I shut up the Bible, as the only way of getting clear of what made me detest myself; for I found, that whenever I left off reading, I was delivered from these abominable thoughts. So little did I know of Satan's devices, of my own heart, or of the way to escape the evils of the one or the other. While these conflicts were passing within my mind, and while I was sinning on deck and repenting below, making resolutions, and breaking them faster and faster, the Lord sent me one very striking personal call to turn and consider the madness of my ways.

Having anchored off the coast of Suffolk, a party went on shore to shoot wild fowl. We had returned to the beach, and were waiting the arrival of the boat. The roar of noisy mirth had ceased, and I was at length become thoughtful; for I had greatly sinned against light and conscience that day. As I was pacing the shore, thirty or forty yards from the main body of my companions, one of them levelled his piece; I noticed him, and thought his aim was well adjusted for my head,

Scarcely had fired: when,

my surprise,

if he had any real design to shoot me. the thought crossed my mind before he feeling my hat jerk, I took it off, and to found the contents of his piece had entered the crown, right in front; passed over the scalp of the head, and escaped through the back part of the hat! It appeared, on inquiry that he had loaded with a pebble-stone, the size of a musket-ball, which he foolishly supposed would fly to dust as soon as it escaped the barrel of the piece. When I saw how near I had been to the eternal world, I could not but say, "This is surely the voice of God;" and under this impression I sat silent in the boat during the greater part of our way to the ship, a circumstance which one of the lieutenants observed, and began to rally me on it, asking whether the thought of having been nearly shot had tied up my tongue? And now, does the reader imagine I honestly confessed the truth? No! for, although I trembled at the recollection of the eye and hand of Omnipotence being so evidently about me, yet I trembled more at the prospect of human ridicule, and rather than endure the laugh of man for standing in awe of God, I ventured on another act of known sin, and positively denied that any such thought occupied my mind.

Such was my base ingratitude to a gracious Preserver, who still permitted me to live, an awful instance of this truth, that though "God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not;" at least not so as to be duly affected by the divine calls. But my heinous lie left a sting behind, which more than ever banished peace from my mind. I applied to the Bible with somewhat more

attention than usual; but, alas! it was a sealed book, Egyptian darkness overshadowed my understanding, and fretfulness and dissatisfaction (not repentance) filled my heart. Still I put on the hypocritical smile of cheerfulness in company, and passed for a happy fellow, while happiness was an entire stranger to my breast. My most comfortable hours were those in which the bustle and exertion of nautical duty prevented my thinking. In this state I passed more than two years in the D- causing the Lord to serve with my sins, and wearying him with my iniquities; until I concluded my services in that ship at the battle of Trafalgar, and was promoted into the Cr, as has been already mentioned.

I might lengthen out my remarks on his goodness, in covering my head in that day of battle, when so many fell; as well as, on three different occasions, preserving this ship from the most imminent danger of being wrecked, on the coast of Spain, and in the North Sea; but I refrain from doing it, lest so many repetitions should exhaust the patience of my readers. I will only observe, that some time after I left the D- this dear favourite ship was lost, and more than five hundred souls perished with her! O that I could but feel as I ought to do in the retrospective view of so much mercy! But, alas! like David, I find my soul cleaves to the dust; and, like St. Paul, when I would do goodwhen I would "stretch forth the wings of love and arms of faith," evil in various shapes is present with me, and shortly I am found dwelling in the tents of Kedar as before.

CHAPTER VIII.

"I WILL SING OF MERCY AND JUDGMENT."-PSALM Ci. 1.

SWEET theme! thou hast smoothened down many a rugged portion of my way through this wilderness of sin-thou hast solaced me through many a past and gloomy hour! Henceforth, "when clouds and darkness are round about the throne of the Almighty," may I ever remember, that "mercy and truth are the habitation of his seat." When at any time "I walk in darkness, and have no light," let the remembrance of past goodness cheer my drooping spirits, and strengthen my feeble knees! And, O thou gracious covenant God! who hast borne with me so long, do thou bear with me a little longer, and from henceforth, enable me to follow thy dear Son as the good shepherd, although it be like the ewes big with young, limping, and in the rear of thy flock! Whensoever I am likely to faint, do thou stretch forth thy merciful hand, and enable me to endure unto the end, to arrive at thy fold, and to awake up after thy likeness; for then I shall indeed be satisfied with it

then shall hosannahs no more languish on the tongue," nor will my devotions die away into lukewarmness; but on the contrary,

"This song shall last when night has quench'd the pole,
And heav'n is all departed as a scroll;

Yea, when, as Justice has long since decreed,

This earth shall blaze, and a new world succeed."

still shall I sing of mercy and judgment; unto thee, O Lord, I shall sing.

On returning to England, the C had to undergo some repairs, which enabled me to be more on shore than formerly. Again I mixed with gay companions, turned my back on the house of God, and sought, in the midst of thoughtless beings, like myself, that happiness which had hitherto eluded my grasp. I sought it eagerly, but I found it not. The sound of the church-going bell, the procession to and from different places of worship, and that solemn something which pervades the Sabbath, and which all the abandoned profligacy of the multitude cannot entirely do away; these united in dashing the cup of pleasure from my lips, and in establishing the dominion of conscience within: but the fear of man was my great, my dreadful snare. Like Agrippa, I was almost persuaded to reform, and become a Christian, but the dread of ridicule was like a triple chain about me. Well said the poet,

tan!

"He is the freeman whom the truth makes free,
And all are slaves beside."

How lamentably did I continue to labour as a bond-slave in the drudgery of this chain, doing the works of SaNot because I felt his service to be freedom, or his paths to be those of peace; but that I dreaded the trial of cruel mockings, should I quit his ranks. Thus I went on, one hour reflecting and condemning myself, the next gallanting ladies to shops and morning visits,