about the virtues of our peafe-foup and leg of beef; and he put us to the charge of having our names cut in a cypher, to ftamp all the porrengers, when we fent them out to noblemens and gentries houses, for fear of counterfeits; and he fwore, fo he did, he would chriften our peafe-foup with fome outlandish name, and then it would found strange, fo all the world would buy it; and he was to call our leg of beef A Neffence; and he was to recommend Recommend your fool's head, fays the husband-don't you fee the gentlemen are tired to hear your bothering them, fo let them alone, and if they like Mr. Flyblown's company, let them have it. We addressed our new acquaintance, begging the favour of him to drink a dish with us.- He replied, fmiling, gentlemen I have lived too long in polite life, not to know it is a piece of ill breeding, to refufe obftinately, what is of fered graciously. I accept it with pleafure. I muft further intrude upon your generofity, for another pinch of rappee, Sir, and then-here landlord, let me have a dish of leg of beef, take me up as many of the finews as you can, and let me have a flice of bread - I always make fippits, Gentlemen. -- It is true, I put you to an additional charge, but it is merely that you may tafte how well it relishes this way, or else I should fcorn to impofe upon any man, believe me, Gentlemen, I am a man of honour, and a Gentleman -- I come down here indeed very often, just to foil after drinking Burgundy and Champaign; and I did promife to write them a differtation up. on the good qualities of peafe-foup; for you must know, Gentlemen, that I understand phyfic, chymistry, botany, indeed I understand every thing.I am univerfal in my knowledge; and I am conscious of the mucilaginous quality of these potations, that are here pre pared genuine; therefore here I always come, after a debauch at the Shakefpeare, or Bedford Arms, or Almack's; because thofe nervous decoctions, by their balfamic fpirit, arm the interior part of the intestines against the acidity of French wines; they defend the integuments from being corroded by any rectified fpirits, fhield the tunics of the ftomach, and hinder claret from tartarifing in the capillary tubes, or valves of the fecretory veffels. The difh of peafe-foup being fet before him, he was filenced at the fight, and began to employ his mouth to a more pertinent purpofe, than uttering physical phrases. I then took the liberty to enquire into his profeffion. He told me he was an AUTHOR. I I enquired whether political, dramatical, or hiftorical. His reply was, write every way, Gentlemen. As to history, I am concerned in the History of the Bible; but the age is too wicked, religion's a drug among the people. I have wrote both for the stage and the ftate, ut I have not made much of it yet. I have many enemies, Gentlemen, in the theatres; enemies, who are fo out of envy; they are continually prejudicing the managers against me, fo that I cannot get even a Farce of one act put in rehearsal, at either house. And as to politics, I have wrote on both fides, for upwards of three years, and yet neither fide has had gratitude enough to take notice of me for it. However, I intend to run a little risque next winter, if they do put me in the pillory, or in prifon for fome time, why what then? if they allow me a PENSION afterwards, of the value of a COUPLE OF HUNDREDS A YEAR, or fo, why it will neither hurt my reputation, nor my genius, as I know of. I could not forbear interrupting him, to ask if he was married. He replied in the affirmative, and bleffed God, thus be continued, I blefs God, gentlemen, that I am fo, I have one of the finest women to my wife, that ever the elegance of nature's pencil outlined, or the blooming hand of health coloured; and she is as good, as the is lovely. I love her to distraction, and always did; we don't indeed at present live together; the happening now to be with her parents; for, Sir, I have had foes, foes, foes who told her fad ftories of me. I never was any more than indifcreet, I only did as the rest of the world did, I loved to keep it up; I believe I fretted her a little, by my ftaying out fo late, but I did not defign to fret her, Gentlemen, indeed; the caught me once or twice in bed with a woman of the town, but I did not wrong her bed defignedly, with any intention, for I was drunk when I did it, and I didn't know what I did, fo 'twas no fault of mine. I us'd to play a little now and then, that indeed I was to blame for, I scorn to excufe myself, no man is perfect --- however, I've feen my errors— my mind is open'd, temperance and esteem for me I'm a new man, my conduct is, and fhall be irreproachable for the time to come. I defpife the debauch of life, all the world could not tempt me to return to my former indifcretions, nor hurt my wife, in either her circumstances, conftitution or temper, over again, if we should once more come together, and that I live in hopes of every day, and the pleasure of that hope, makes all other women fo indifferent to me. The arrival of a fresh customer stop ped him. — One of those unhappy women (I was once in their lift) who ftrole up and down the Strand, or ply at corners of allies, at any drunkard's fervice, who chufes to purchase dear bought repentance, came down the stairs finging, and advanced to the bar blafting herfelf, but she had had a fine chance that night, fo fhe would come and keep it up a little; and ordered a quartern with another oath; then looking round, spy'd our new acquaintance, to whom the call'd to by name, and bid him come and drink with her, for he had got a guinea that night, and blaft her, if he and the wou'dn't fee it out by to-morrow night. Flyblown made an apology to us for quitting our company-went to the lady, and at the bar they drank four half quarterns; and then lovingly, arm in arm, ftaggered forth, to go to bed together. VOL. III. Thus is the Repentance and Refolution of the Hero, the Philofopher, MAN, MAN, MAN, always to be depended upon. SELF-FANCIED LORDS OF THE CRE XXXXXXXXXXXX From the St. JAMES'S MAGAZINE, On the fate of Commerce in Britain, at the arrival of Julius Cæfar. made, about this time, frequent HE Fenicians and Spaniards voyages to the western parts of England, and the other British ifles; all which antiquity comprised under the general name of the Caffiterides. The trade which these foreigners carried on, of lead and tin, was fo extremely lucrative, that they kept it as much as poffible a fecret from other nations. On this head Strabo relates, that a certain Phenician pilot, perceiving himself followed by a Roman vessel, chofe rather to run his own fhip on the rocks, in order to make a wreck of both, than to let the Romans, by his means, discover the way; for which national action he was amply rewarded by his countrymen on his return; having had the good fuck to escape the peril he had thus voluntarily run for the public good. The avidity of the Romans, however, was not long behind the Phenicians; fo that they foon after found out the way to share in their profit. The merchandize that England then furnished, as we learn from Strabo, was corn, cattle, gold, filver, iron, fkins, leather, and hounds for the chace; to which he adds, speaking of the Caffiterides, which may be'look'd upon as making part of England, lead and tin, Tacitus, and fome other writers, mention alfo pearls: but Cæfar fpeaks of neither gold, filver, nor pearls; which may ferve to fhew, that these metals were not known by the Romans to be in England, till after the time of Cæfar. As to brafs and copper, it is certain, that at this time they used to import it into England from abroad ; P which which is a proof, that either the mines were not then discovered, or that they did not yield a fufficient quantity of fuch metal. The English, indeed, had no commodity in fuch abundance, and by which they made fo great profit as by their tin; which was found in great plenty in the weltern parts of the country, and in the adjacent iflands. As to their trade in dogs, it probably was not very confiderable; tho' it appears, that English hounds had been carried to Rome long before Cæfar's expedition to Britain: Strabo, and the Poet Gratius, cited by Ovid, make mention of them, and the ufe the Gauls made of them in war, and the Romans in the chace. The foreign commodities which were imported into England, were falt, pottery, and utenfils of brafs, ivory and amber. To have a juft idea of the navigation of the English, in the time of Cæfar, it is to be obferved, that they made use of fmall boats, made of light, pliant wood, and covered with leather: a method of conftruction, anciently in ufe among many other nations, particularly among the Saxons, who thus committed frequent piracies on the ocean, and on the coafts of Gaul and Britain. The like veffels alfo have been constructed in our times, among the inhabitants of Greenland. Cæfar made ufe of fimilar boats, on his expedition into Spain, against Afranius. It is, nevertheless, a matter of doubt with many, whether the EngJifh had not other vessels befides thofe above mentioned; the latter ferving them only in paffing backwards and forwards to the neighbouring ifles; as Solinus feems to intimate, when he tell us, that the English used these boats only in the fea that parted England and Ireland. 'They might poffibly have other veffels, befides thefe of daily ufe, made of tim ber, and of a larger and more folid conftruction, to ferve them in longer voyages, and in their wars. Selden is of the latter opinion; but it is certain, that we find no one paffage in the an cients, from which we can gather, that the English had any large veffels built of timber in the ordinary manner. May we not conclude, therefore, that as Pliny affirms them to have made voy ages of fix or feven days in those lea thern boats, that they had ingenuity and induftry fufficient to conftruct them of a ftrength and fize, confiderable enough for long voyages. The poet Avienus tells us, in plain terms, that the English had not in ufe any, fhips built in the ordinary manner,of timber; but only flight boats covered with leather. Eumenius, in his panegyric on Conftantius, affures us alfo, that when England was invaded by Cæfar, the inhabitants had no fhips of war. On the other hand again, we are informed by Cæfar, that they furnished fuccours to the Gauls, and affitted other nations against the Romans: but can we suppose they did this by means only of canoes of leather, fo very improper for such expeditions? or did they furnish their allies with men only without ships? it is hardly to be fuppofed, that they could long fee their coafts vifited by foreigners, in ftout and well-built veffels, without imitating them, and taking the advantages of their natural fituation for improvement in maritime affairs. What a ftriking contraft between thefe rude and imperfect effays to navigation, and the present state of the British marine, that fo lately spread our conquefts over the face of the globe; fubjecting the most diftant nations of the earth, at one and the fame time, to the mafters of the fea! 1 Of farcasms two hundred from any old Of candour a grain,and of scandal a ton; one : A handful of rue, and of onions a load; The eye of a mole, and the nail of a cat; a bat ; The purfe of old poverty, hunger's lank jaw, The gander's long windpipe, the monkey's crimp maw : Full of impertinence and prate, Take this dofe, my good author, you You fet each goffip's clack a going; quickly will do For Critical, Monthly, or any Review. How parfon Tythe in fecret fins, XXXXXXSXXXXXXX How dear delicious Polly Bloom, From the St. JAMES'S MAGAZINE. The Tea Pot and Scrubbing-Brush. A Fable. Tawdry tea-pot, a-la-mode, Who from the fkullery, or yard, Owes all her sweetness to perfume. Joyous to breakfast they fat round, **\**)**ERERR out father and mother; yet I can fafely fay, that I did. In fhort I am felfproduced, and can bring the testimony of a creditable author, to prove it on Occafion. As to my education, I was originally not defigned for any thing: the confequence of which was, as it often happens, that they who had hitherto taken care of me, were foon either reduced to a goal, or exalted on the gallows. By going into France, I was in the opinion of all men of fenfe, really improved in tafte, &c. though there are fome coxcombs in England that will not allow it. I was once picked up by fome young gentlemen on their travels, (this indeed has often been my good fortune) who were fo kind as to bring me home with them into England, where I have governed them ever fince, and am proud to fay that they, and indeed most men besides, are even vain in company when they have me to recommend and fet them off. If I fay more than that I am in my felf abfolutely good, and bad, it may help you perhaps to a good general idea of my morals. Religion I have none: yet the moft bigotted church-men will tell you, that I am to be depended upon in matters of faith more than the gospel, or the pope's infallibility. Now for my politicks. In the characters of both Whig and Tory you may trace me much farther back than the reigns of the Stuarts: but because few men now living can be fuppofed to have been witnesses to what passed before king James II. time, I fhall begin my hiftory from thence only. At the time of the revolution king James's friends, and moit of the Pretender's fince, fay, that the Prince of Orange brought me over with him to prove his title to the crown of England; but this is intirely falfe: for I oppofed him vigorously; and there was fo little friendship between us, that, though it be little to my own credit, yet I will mention it, and as a proof of that monarch's genius and capacity, that he never spoke a word for me in his life. Themost part of queen Anne's reign, the beginning of which was taken up with foreign wars, and the end with civil diffentions, I lay ftill and peaceable at home. I fhall not relate the particulars of my behaviour under king George the first, but only tell you in general, that I was very troublesome most part of his reign.-During the late ministry, I was quite agreeable to the party then in the oppofition, when they were difgufted at every thing. Yet, as if I had been a traitor to the cause, they once protested in publick, that unless the prime minifter was removed, they would give me up to the king and court. Some of the prefent miniftry are faid to be well acquainted with me in the way of their bufinefs and indeed time has been, when I myself have been in the office of the treafury; for ought I can tell the prefent manager then, or if he can't his predeceffors many of them, were they now living, could witness to the truth of what I fay.-'Tis true, the patron has always reafon enough to lament it, whenever I do come there. For your farther fatisfaction, I will now give you a few hints with regard to my general character, behaviour and reception in the world, and first, I am highly valued by all men that are truly wife; and at the fame time fought after by every idle blockhead in the kingdom. Notwithstanding this, there is a fet of empty-headed coxcombs in the world, who know me, and are continually laughing at me. Some ladies too are apt to do this too often; though at other times they have been known to thed plenty of tears on my account. I am upon the whole fo much in their favour, that I am in most of their fecrets & and the prudes of the fex in particular, I muft needs fay that for them, do always fpeak well of me. I am generally believed to be in all the cabals of the Free Mafons: and indeed I believe I am in most of them; though that is more than they care to own. My perfonal valour is fuch, that the greatest heros, from Julius Cæfar to the duke of Marlborough, who feared nothing, feared |