it was that the Lord fixed a resolution in my heart to seek and to serve him, which, through his infinite mercy and love, has continued to this day, and which, I doubt not, shall abide with me for ever." up; He had now got into the good way; but he soon found that, as of old, it was everywhere spoken against. His parents, relatives, and neighbours, with one voice, condemned the new religion, as they termed it, yhich he had taken nor could all his intreaties or expostulations procure him even a patient hearing. "My mind," says he, " was not a little pained to see those I so cordially loved, in such distress on my account, and especially as I knew, that all the opposition and unkind treatment that I met with from them, proceeded from ignorance; and that their souls were in as great danger as I saw my own to be. But the words of our Lord sounded in my ears, "He who loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me.' I therefore saw that I must, at all events, pursue the one thing needful, though all should be offended with me. Notwithstanding this opposition, his labour for the good of his friends was not in vain. His brother, and others of his relatives, were deeply awakened; so that his father declared, he would occasion the ruin of the whole family! "You think," said he, " to make my house a preaching house when once my head is laid; but I will take care it shall never be yours; I will rather leave it to the poor of the parish." After much humble and earnest expostulation, he at length prevailed on his father to read Mr. Wesley's Sermons. This gave him a more favourable opinion of the doctrine of the Methodists, and softened his mind in some degree, so that he consented at last to hear the Methodist Preachers, and soon after began to pray that the Lord would direct him how he might serve Him. While in this state of mind, Mr. Pawson observes, that " one Sunday morning, while my father was earnestly crying to God, divine light was communicated to his mind, his conscience was deeply awakened, and he was brought into the bitterest distress or account of sin, so that he could hardly hope for mercy. On this memorable day, my soul was in a sense brought out of prison, as I had from this time full liberty to attend upon all Divine ordinances without interruption, and very soon, all the family, eight in number, joined the society. My father soon after invited the Preachers to his house, and thus prevented me from making it a preachinghouse, by making it one himself." These circumstances were very encouraging; but with respect to himself, he "still laboured under the intolerable burden of a hard, unaffected, and insensible heart. I had," says he, “ no 66 access to the throne of grace; no comfortable freedom in prayer; and the Lord seemed to hide his face, and to refuse to be gracious to me. In this state I went to Berwick, to hear that heart-searching Preacher, Mr. Hosmer, and the mighty power of God was indeed present. On a sudden my heart was broken to pieces, my spirit was deeply wounded, my head was as waters, and my eyes fountains of tears. The anguish of spirit which I then felt, exceeds all description. And yet I could heartily praise the Lord while in this deep distress, because He had thus answered my longcontinued prayer." He now sought the Lord with his whole heart. No distance, no weather, hindered his attendance on the means of grace; and nothing appeared hard or difficult to him. Yet still he was ready to conclude, "There is no help-there is no mercy for me." But the Lord encouraged him while he was thus gaining painful self-knowledge. "One morning," says he, "as I was walking in the fields, the Lord comforted my drooping heart, by darting these encouraging words into my mind: 0 wait thou the Lord's leisure, be strong, and he shall comfort thine heart!' Hereby I was refreshed for the present, and for some time was enabled to 'hope, and quietly wait for the salvation of God."" The time of his deliverance now drew near. "I went," says he, "to Bardsey, to hear Mr. Hosmer. This was a new place, and many came from various parts to hear the word of God. An extraordinary influence attended the word that night. Mr. Hosmer preached on Isaiah xli. 10: "Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee, yea, I will help thee, yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.' These words were applied to my father's mind by the Spirit of God while the Minister was reading them, and he was brought into glorious liberty. Here I adore the wisdom and goodness of God, in the methods he takes to hide pride from man," and that he who glorieth may glory in the Lord:" My dear father, who had been so great a hinderance to me, was adopted into the family of God before me! This constrained me to praise God, and yet, if possible, it increased my trouble tenfold. I kneeled before the Lord throughout the whole service, and for a considerable time after it was over, weeping, trembling, and crying to the Lord for mercy; but deliverance was not yet. Mr. Hosmer, in tender compassion to the souls which he saw in such deep distress, appointed a meeting for extraordinary prayer the next morning, which was Sunday, March 16, 1760. I went to that meeting deeply distressed, and yet I went with a full expectation of finding the salvation of God. It appeared to me that I had no hope beyond that meeting; that if I did not find the Lord there, I never should find him. Before the service began, a person who tenderly pitied me said, 'Fear not. The Lord graciously visited your father last night, and you will find the blessing this morning. You have been an instrument in his hand of bringing all the family into the way, and He will not leave you behind.' These words, however, afforded me no comfort. I knew I must not expect salvation because I had done something, but wholly by grace, through faith in the blood of Christ. "The service no sooner began, than the Lord was wonderfully present. I was upon my knees, in the middle of the room, and, if possible, in greater anguish than ever. Surely, the sorrows of death compassed me about, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me. Then I called upon the name of the Lord, O Lord, I beseech thee, deliver my soul! He heard me from his holy hill. He spoke, and I heard his voice. He graciouly applied that blessed word to my soul, Thou art mine.' (Isaiah xliii. 1.) In a moment, I was perfectly delivered from all my guilty fears. My deep sorrow, my extreme distress, was entirely gone. The peace of God flowed into my conscience, and the love of God was shed abroad in my heart abundantly. My whole soul was filled with sacred heavenly joy; yea, I triumphed in the 6 |