also was forgotten, and I returned to my evil' courses with as great an eagerness as ever.

"I was now about fifteen years of age; and as, notwithstanding my convictions and hopes, the bias of my heart was not changed, I became more and more addicted to evil, in proportion as my powers and passions strengthened. Nor was I merely prompted by my own propensities, for having formed acquaintance with other wicked young people, my progress in the way to death became greatly accelerated. Being of an athletic frame, and of a daring spirit, I was often engaged in such exercises and exploits, as, if the good hand of God had not preserved me, might have issued in death. I also frequently engaged in games of hazard, which though not to any great amount, yet were very bewitching to me, and tended greatly to corrupt my mind. These with various other sinful practices, had so hardened my heart, that I seldom thought of religion. Nay, I recollect that on a Lord'sday evening about that time, when my parents were reading in the family, I was shamefully engaged with one of the servants, playing idle tricks, though I took care not to be seen in them. These things were nothing to me at that time, for my conscience by reiterated acts of wickedness, had become seared as with a hot iron they were, however, heavy burdens to me afterwards.

But as I have now brought down my narrative to the period, when I trust God begun to work effectually on my heart, I will leave that part to another opportunity, and for the present subscribe myself,

Yours affectionately,

LETTER II,

66

My dear Friend,

A. F.

I embrace the earliest opportunity of con cluding the narrative which I began at your request. By the close of my last, you would perceive, that at near sixteen years of age, I was, notwithstanding various convictions and transient affections, pressing on in a lamentable career of wickedness. But about the Autumn of 1769, my convictions revisited me, and brought on such a concern about my everlasting welfare, as issued, I trust, in real conversion.

"It was my common practice, after the business of the day was over, to get into bad company in the evening, and when there I indulged in sin without restraint. But after persisting in this course for some time, I began to be very uneasy, particularly in a morning when I first awoke. It was almost as common for me to be siezed with keen remorse at this hour, as it was to go into vain company in the evening. At first I began to make vows E

It

of reformation, and this for the moment would afford a little ease; but as the temptations returned, my vows were of no account. was an enlightened conscience only that was on the side of God: my heart was still averse to every thing that was spiritual or holy. For several weeks I went on in this way; vowing and breaking my vows, reflecting on myself for my evil conduct, and yet continually repeating it.

"It was not now, however, as heretofore: my convictions followed me up closely. I could not, as formerly, forget these things, and was therefore a poor miserable creature; like a drunkard, who carouses in the evening, but mopes about the next day, like one half dead.

"One morning, I think in November 1769, I walked out by myself with an unusual load of guilt upon my conscience. The remembrance of my sin, not only on the past evening, but for a long time back, the breach of my vows, and the shocking termination of my former hopes and affections, all uniting together, formed a burden which I knew not how to bear. The reproaches of a guilty conscience seemed like the gnawing worm of hell. I thought surely that must be an earnest of hell itself. The fire and brimstone of the bottomless pit seemed to burn within my bosom. I do not write in the language of exaggeration, I now know that the sense

which I then bad of the evil of sin, and the wrath of God, was very far short of the truth'; but yet it seemed more than 1 was able to sustain. In reflecting upon my broken vows, I saw that there was no truth in me. I saw that God would be perfectly just in sending me to hell, and that to hell I must go unless I were saved of mere grace, and as it were in spite of myself. I felt that if God were to forgive me all my past sins, I should again destroy my soul, and that in less than a day's time. I never before knew what it was to feel myself an odious, lost sinner, standing in need of both pardon and purification. Yet though 1 needed these blessings, it seemed presumption to hope for them, after what 1 had done, I was absolutely helpless, and seemed to have nothing about me that ought to excite the pity of God, or that I could reasonably expect should do so; but every thing disgusting to him, and provoking to the eyes of his glory. What have I done? what must I do? These were my enquiries, perhaps ten times over. Indeed I knew not what to do! I durst not promise amendment, for I saw such promises were self-deception. To hope for forgiveness in the course that I was in, was the height of presumption; and to think of Christ after having so basely abused his grace, seemed too much. So I had no refuge. At one moment I thought of giving

myself up to despair. 'I may (said I within myself,) even return; and take my fill of sin; I can but be lost.' This thought made me shudder at myself! My heart revolted. What, thought 1, give up Christ and hope and heaven! Those lines of Ralph Erskine's then occurred to my mind

، But say, if all the gusts

And grains of love be spent,

Say, Farewell Christ, and welcome lusts-
Stop, stop; I melt, I faint.'

I could not bear the thought of plunging myself into endless ruin,

"It is difficult at this distance of time to recollect with precision the minute workings of my mind; but as near as I can remember, I was like a man drowning, looking every way for help, or rather catching for something by which he might save his life. I tried to find whether there were any hope in the divine mercy-any in the Saviour of sinners; but felt repulsed by the thought of mercy having been so basely abused already. In this state of mind, as I was moving slowly on, I thought of the resolution of Job, Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him." I paused, and repeated the words over and over. Each repetition seemed to kindle a ray of hope, mixed with a determination, if I might, to cast my perishing soul upon the Lord Jesus Christ