And when thy work is finish'd, And death has set thee free; To reign in life with me. The foregoing is about the substance of what livingly ran through my soul on the road this day. The forepart was conceived in prose, the latter in verse, very nearly as here written. I came home and penned it immediately, and whether it be ever fulfilled or not, time will evince, However, such is my confidence in that evidence of life accompanying the opening, that I have ventured here to record it, this 28th day of 11th month, 1791. 12th month, 4th. Full of weighty impression and living openings in meeting, but not able to find the way open for utterance. After meeting Friends had a solid opportunity with me about my proposed journey and visit into Connecticut. 8th. Reduced to nothing, as to having any store of religious experience or enjoyment to bear up my mind. I felt as if all I had ever known or done, and all that had ever been done for me, was of no avail to me now. In this state of emptiness and loss of all, I went to meeting, and sat through the meeting mostly in such a state. I did indeed, a little before the meeting ended, feel a desire to endeavour steadily, as long as I live, to avoid doing or omitting any thing, the doing or omission whereof might appear to me, by the light of Christ within me, to be wrong. A small hope also arose that this weakness might be my strength in the Lord, or lead on to strength and perfection; and that through much weakness in myself, I might more availingly and abidingly experience the "Strength of Israel" to preserve, advance, and establish me forever. 9th. Lord! confirm, I pray thee, the small spark of hope which I felt yesterday, and which I trust was of thy divine influence and production. May a daily increase of growth, perseverance, and establishment, confirm this hope. And may no addition of hope, confidence, or determination, be built up in me, but by the working of thy holy spirit; that so, though I grow slowly, I may grow surely; though I run feebly, I may run safe ly; and though I hope faintly, my hope may never be in vain, but firm and unshaken in thee, O my God, forever. Amen. 10th. Felt much desire for divine aid and protection. 11th. Light and life triumphed over darkness and death; and my soul rejoiced in God my salvation, and sang hosanna in the highest to the son of David. 12th. Quiet, and inwardly satisfied. 13th. O holy Father! keep me forever in thy fear, in lowliness and submission; and sooner cut the thread of my life than leave me to walk the ways of transgression, exaltation, or luke warmness. 14th. Given up, satisfied, thankful, and stayed. 15th, 19th. Trials and affliction attend, feel little, low, and emptied. 20th. Satan is suffered to buffet me; and unless I keep close to the use and exercise of the whole armour of God, he may prove too hard for me; for I can do nothing without it. 21st. Lord! enable me to endure all things, and to feel the head of the serpent bruised in me. 22d to 27th. Low in heart and much depressed. 28th. Much depressed in our Monthly Meeting, though Friends gave me a good certificate to travel into Connecticut, to visit the seed there. 29th. Greatly relieved in the Monthly Meeting at Smithfield, in public testimony and in discipline. 30th. Sympathized deeply and livingly with the seed in the Monthly Meeting at Uxbridge. Found great relief in watering the thirsty. 31st. Through deep sufferings, I was raised into the dominion of divine life, in our select meeting at Smithfield. 1792. 1st month, 1st. Rose, through painful travail, into the victory of the eternal truth, in the meeting at Gloucester. Thus, enlargement and divine consolation have, for several days, followed the foregoing days of deep depression, and renewedly shown me the blessedness of being rightly "poor in spirit." 2d to 8th. Again stripped and depressed; felt empty as a cask, and sat our meeting in want of all things. 9th, 11th. I am as a leaf,, driven to and fro with the wind, scarce a gleam of hope or consolation; but I wish to be patient. Shut up in our select Quarterly Meeting, and mostly so in the Meeting for Sufferings. 12th. Opened in the spring of life, in our Quarterly Meeting for worship; proceeded a little, but was suddenly and unexpectedly shut up, and sat down immediately; after which, my soul rejoiced that my will was in subjection, and that I was sensible I could do nothing of myself. 13th. The Quarterly Meeting for business gave me, and my dear friend David Buffum, concurring certificates, in order to our religious visit to the people of Connecticut. 14th. Felt my sonship in the root of life, though under sufferings. 15th. Low in heart. O my God! thou leadest me in the valley; I accept it as thy will, and as in thy wisdom, for my good. 17th. My state is depression. Satan roars like a lion. Lord, my heart is melted in me into tenderness: mine eyes are affected while I write, under a deep sense of my utter insufficiency to stand in my own strength. How long, O thou Most Holy, will it be, ere thou conform my whole man to thine own image or likeness? Thou knowest I groan within myself, waiting for the full adoption! Oh! that all within me were like thee, holy as thou art holy, and at all times joined to thee in the heavenly oneness. Go on, I pray thee, conquering all that opposes thy reign in me, until every thought be brought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. Amen. 19th. Attended Richmond meeting, and felt with the suf fering seed in silence. 21st. I wrote the following letter, viz. My dear friend Sarah Hoxsie: I now feel in a good degree easy about my dear little motherless children. I much desired way might be made, and could not be satisfied until it was made, for them to be placed where I could be pretty easy, even if I should be soon called from this probationary state. I have now given them up to God, and their and my friends. May the Lord Almighty be their God, ( and bring them early into saving acquaintance with himself. May those who have them, have them as their own, and bring them along in the fear of God, whether I remain in the body or go hence; whether I continue to live in that which has made my soul alive, or depart from it, the dear children have souls immortal to be saved or lost. And whatever becomes of me, my soul at present, in tenderness and prostration, bows before the throne of grace on their account, and craves Almighty aid, and the watchful guardianship of their friends for them. I may again have them under my immediate care, and I never may; God only knows, and to him I commit myself and them, and rest thy friend, J. S. 25th. Attended our Monthly Meeting, silent. Oh! that the life of truth were more known, waited for, and moved in. 28th. I dare do no other but look to the Lord, the Father and Fountain of all good, for help, forgiveness, and protection. 29th. Triumphed in the dominion of the divine life, in our forenoon meeting; though it was only through sufferings, in which my soul was deeply bowed, and reduced to the loss of all, ever attained, and an utter renunciation of all trust in myself, or my own resolutions. God Almighty! keep me, I pray thee, and hold me fast forever; and thy name be praised for this day's favour. 31st. I took a solemn leave of the family, (that is, my fatherin-law Daniel Anthony's,) living in my house, and in whose family I left my own father, and my two youngest children: and being joined by my friend David Buffum, (Amos Collins and Benedict Arnold having given up to bear us company,) we were on first-day, the 5th of 2d month, at the new meeting-house in Gloucester, on our way towards Connecticut, and had meetings as follows, viz. 7th, at Killingley, had a small meeting at Dean's; 9th, at David Brayton's in Pomfret; 12th, attended Friends' meeting at Hopkinton; 14th, had one by appointment at Amos Collins', in Stonington; my way having been hitherto much closed up as to gospel ministry, my companion D. B. having a little to offer at times, I trust, to good acceptance. VOL. I.-53 15th. Our exercises were renewed. All seemed entirely shut up; a cloud and darkness covered all. We saw no way back or forward, and felt no liberty to move till the cloud was at least a little dispersed. So standing still inwardly, for several hours, and feeling, as to myself, an utter inability to do any thing to remove the cloud, or to help myself, or my deeply exercised friends, out of this trying condition, at length I felt a full liberty to go on a little further. 16th. We had a good open meeting at Stonington Point, much to the relief of my mind, and another in the evening. 17th, went to New-London, and 18th, had a small meeting there in the congregational meeting-house. 19th, had a meeting among the Baptists at New-London Great-Neck; found but little relief in these last meetings, though hope they were of some use. 20th, had an evening meeting at Lime, in a school-house. The people were unsettled, and appeared much unacquainted with spiritual worship; we laboured a little among them; and, 21st, crossed Connecticut river, by boat, and not without some danger in the ice, and went to Saybrook. 22d, had a meeting here in the meeting house; the priest attended, and a considerable number of his hearers, and neither he nor his hearers appeared to be much acquainted with our manner of waiting upon God in a silent travail of soul, and feeling after him. We laboured among them according to the ability received. After meeting he inclined to have some conversation, and we, being willing, conversed with him on divers religious subjects. He was civil; and we parted friendly and respectfully. 23d. We rode through Killingsworth to Guilford, where, 24th, we had a soul-solacing meeting; among those who attended, were divers religiously exercised souls, whose countenances declared they had been with Jesus. 25th. Had another good meeting in a school-house at Wallingford. After meeting divers of the people came to our lodgings, and we had considerable conversation with them. A physician contended earnestly for the final salvation of all men. We told him none could be disciples of Christ, but such as took up their daily cross and followed him, in the denial of self; that he wept over some, who, though he would have gathered them, |