dictates of truth, in which I found true peace and satisfaction. Also he instructed me to use the plain scripture language, THOU to one, and you to more than one. The cross greatly offended me in regard to these things. This of language in particular, looked so trifling and foolish to the worldly wise part in me, and the fear of the "world's dread laugh," so powerfully opposed it, that I gave way to carnal reasoning. What good can this exactness of language do? May I not as well serve God in a less singular and less contemptible way, as to get into those things that will be sure to render me ridiculous? The world can see nothing in this but whim and superstition; and of what possible use can a man be to others, if his singularity shuts him out from their favourable notice and attention? And if it is of none to others, where is the harm to me, as an individual, to continue in my customary language? Such reasonings as these, and many more, presented in opposition to the holy injunction. But the Lord showed me, that if I "would be wise," I must "first become a fool;" if I would be his disciple, I must first deny myself, take up my cross daily, in whatever he required of me, and follow him in the way of his leadings. It was very hard and trying to my natural will to give up to this duty. I thought if my right hand would excuse my compliance, I would gladly sacrifice it, or yield it up, rather than give up to use such a despised language, and submit to be laughed at, as viewing religion concerned in such things as these. This may seem incredible to some, but it is true, and as fresh with me as almost any past exercise. This exercise beset me day and night for some time, during which I had many sorrowful and bitter tears, pleaded many excuses, and greatly wished some substitute might be accepted instead of the thing called for. But he who called me into the performance of these foolish things, (to the world's wisdom,) was graciously pleased to show me with indubitable clearness, that he would choose his sacrifice himself; and that neither a right hand nor a right eye, neither thousands of rams, nor ten thousands of rivers of oil, would by any means answer instead of his requirings. If he called for so weak or foolish a thing as the words thou and thee to a single person, instead of you, nothing else of my substituting would do instead of it; for the foolish

ness of God is wiser than men." Let none dispute the ground with Omnipotence, nor confer with flesh and blood; lest therein, despising the day of small things, they fall by little and little. For be assured, O thou called of the Lord, thou canst never become his chosen, unless thou obey his call, and come out of all he calls thee from. If thou art not faithful in the little, thou wilt not be made ruler over much.

Perhaps few will believe the fulness of heavenly joy which sprang in my bosom, as a well-spring of living waters, after my giving up in faithfulness to this requisition. And yet this flow of divine consolation lasted not long at this time; for though I gave up to whatever the Lord required of me, yet as I had so long and so stubbornly rebelled against him, he saw meet, in his infinite wisdom, soon to hide his face from me again, and close me up in almost utter darkness, which rendered my days truly tedious, and my nights wearisome to my soul. I was fully convinced that God was to be known inwardly, in power and great glory, by those who obey him, and wait upon him. My heart was inflamed with love towards him. I had seen a little of his comeliness; he had become the beloved of my soul, the chiefest among ten thousands; therefore I often retired alone, and in profound reverential silence, sought after him, and pressingly solicited a nearer acquaintance with him. But he knowing what was best for me, graciously hid his presence from me. And though this was a painful suspension, yet I could not be easy to give over seeking him; I still continued my ardent silent approaches, or waitings. I waited, indeed, with all the reverence, humility, and solicitude that my soul was capable of; but all seemed in vain. No spark or ray of light could I behold, no glimpse of heaven's returning favour. Oh! the mourning and lamentation, the distress and bitter weeping, that almost continually overwhelmed me for several months together, for the want of the soul-enlivening presence of my God. Oh! said I in my heart, will he never arise for my help and deliverance? Well, be it as it may, I will seek him until my dying day; my soul cannot live without him; and it may be, if he hide his face from me until my last moments, he may own me at that solemn period, and receive me to a mansion of glory. This was

often, very often, the language of my heart; and under this resolution I pressed forward in the bitterness of my soul, I trust the wormwood and the gall, the sorrow and the sighing, the days and nights of anguish, will scarcely ever be forgotten. It seems to me that certain spots of earth, some particular fields and groves, will ever, while life and sensibility remain, continue to have a moving and affecting influence on my mind, as often as I pass by and see them, or call them to remembrance. I think they must remain peculiarly distinguished to me by the tears and the groans, the sighs and solicitations, of which they have been the silent witnesses.

O my God! thou leddest me through the desert, thou weanedst me from the world, and alluredst me into the wilderness : there thou didst hide thy face from me for a season; until the longings of my soul after thee, were intensely kindled: then liftedst thou up my head, and spake comfortably to me; blessed be thy holy name forever!

At length the Father of mercies having thus tried me, he graciously cast an eye of compassion upon me, hearkened to the voice of my distress, made bare his everlasting arm for my deliverance, gradually unveiled his holy presence to me, and opened my heart to understand why he led me through so trying a dispensation. I now began to discern in the mystery what I read in the history of Israel's forty years travel in the wilderness, as also the voice of one crying in the wilderness. I began to see the necessity of the Lord's sending his forerunner, that the way might be prepared, and the paths made straight. I perceived much roughness, unevenness, and crookedness had been in the way. I began to know and in degree to love the rod, and him who had appointed it; and as the Master manifested himself more and more, I understood more and more of the mysterious ways of his working.

After some time I had many clear openings respecting the many trials, experiences, jeopardies, and deliverances of his followers in days past; and a hope was kindled in me, that now I should go forward without meeting with such besetments, and withdrawings of light, as heretofore: for though the Lord still at times withdrew from me, yet as his return was not long after,

and as his presence was much more constantly with me, I was ready to conclude it would continue with increasing brightness, till I should be wholly and continually swallowed up in his love. For, as such a state was sometimes permitted me, I not clearly understanding the counsel of his divine will, was apt to wish it for my constant condition; not then seeing, as I have since seen, that it was far from being best for me to enjoy a constancy of sunshine and fair weather. Even the outward order and economy of divine providence afford instruction, which often beautifully applies to our inward experiences. It is not all calm and sunshine: the divine wisdom orders many and great vicissitudes and changes in the natural world: insomuch that, perhaps in the most pleasant and flourishing season in the whole year, after a few days of clear shining and tranquillity, there arises a most terrible storm, with wind, lightning, and tremendous thunder; and it may be with hailstones scattered abroad upon the face of the earth. At other times high and rushing winds succeed the calmest day, or pinching droughts the most fruitful season. Even the settled order and succession of seasons is a continual revolution of day and night, summer and winter, seed-time and harvest. We have cold as well as heat; darkness as well as light; and cutting frosts as well as most refreshing dews; and a variety of other changes. All this is in infinite wisdom and goodness, and displays to the discerning eye the providential power and glory of the great Superintendent. My soul hath sometimes been enraptured whilst I have viewed and contemplated the operations of his hand in these things; together with the situation of places; rocks and lofty mountains; sturdy oaks and tall cedars; rivers, lakes, and oceans; meadows, fields, and forests; deserts and vast howling wildernesses; with the various inhabitants of both land and water. And over and above all these, the sun, moon, and stars in their courses; the spangled firmament, and constellations of heaven! All these things, though far short of being sufficient food for immortal souls, and perhaps not best to dwell much upon, have nevertheless animatingly affected my mind in the contemplation of them, and raised my soul in adoration to him who is the former of all things; and who, when he was pleased to answer VOL. I.-8

out of the whirlwind, and awfully to interrogate his servant Job, for his instruction, was pleased to make the wonderful works of his hand, and the excellent order of his government, the subjects of his demands. And who among the sons of men can read the solemn queries then uttered by the Divine Majesty, and not feel some tender emotions of soul-some sacred emanations of light, and life, and divine power breaking in upon him! "Hast thou commanded the morning since thy days, and caused the dayspring to know his place?" is one among the many solemn and sublime interrogatories, by the wisdom of an all-knowing God, demanded of his servant; sufficiently declaring, beyond all hesitation, how infinitely exalted above all human comprehension, he is in wisdom, power, and glory; as well as amply setting forth his goodness to the sons of men, in causing the regular returns of day and night, and other wonderful successions and revolutions, for the benefit and comfort of his dependant creatures! Bow, O my soul! adore and worship the God of thy life, who is the length of thy days, and thy portion for ever. His works are wondrous, past finding out, marvellous, and beyond thy comprehension. Thou seest in part the multitude and magnitude of his wonderful works; thou beholdest a small part of the changes and vicissitudes attending them and yet through all, what excellent order, harmony, and regularity are preserved! Surely nothing less than omnipotence joined with omniscience could possibly effect or produce all this. Thou seest he is faithful in performing his ancient gracious promise. Day and night, seed-time and harvest, &c. do not fail. Whatever he absolutely determines, he is therein immutable. He is a God of truth and he cannot lie.. His promises are all yea and amen, for ever. And though he exercise the souls of his chosen with various and afflictive dispensations, yea, even choose them in the furnace of affliction; yet his love to them can no more fail, than day and night can cease, or his covenant with them be disannulled. He never said unto the seed of Jacob, "seek ye my face in vain." Nay verily; the language of his compassionate regard, on the contrary, is, Fear not, worm Jacob, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee: when thou goest through the water, it shall not overwhelm thee; or when through the fire, it shall not kindle