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knock and it shall be opened unto you;" but you have been praying long without receiving any answer. And, as í gave way to this, the devil gained ground, and I lost it; I thought, as Job says, that if I prayed and God had answered, yet could I not believe that he had hearkened unto my voice. O how ashamed have I been to think how I have dishonoured God through this damning lin of unbelief. I find, without God, I can do nothing good, no not so much as think a good thought, if it would tave my soul. It is a blefled thing for me that there is no part of my salvation left for me to work out; if there was it would be all over with me. I have no merit, no worth or worthiness in me, for in my flesh dwelleth no good thing. I think I do know what the plague of the heart is; for, if I got any comfort, I was called by Satan to give an account what promise brought it, for it must be some particular proinile, or else it would not do. So I thought I was not a child of promise, because I had not the promises brought to me as some have: but, lince I have sat under you, I have not been much concerned about the word, for the kingdom tands not in word, but I am sure that I have felt the power.
I came to London last November, and I was in a very heavy trial when I came, and so troubled that I could not speak, and so ill in body that I was troubled even to walk. I had not been long in
town before you preached from this text, “Save thy people, O Lord, and bleis thine inheritance; feed them also, and lift tiem up for ever.” You laid, what you aimed at vi as to bring forth a few fwect things from your text; and, blessed be God, so you did, and so I found it; it was tweeter than honey, or the honey coinb, and I had a feast of fat things. All my doubts were gone, and all my fears removed; all my corruptions and lusts were subdued; and I felt love, joy, peace, humbleness of mind, and meekness, spring up, and I had a mcek and quiet spirit givento me, for I had not a doubt of my interest in Christ. 1 he fear of death and judgment, hell and damination, all died away, while the Spirit bore witness with my spirit that I was a child of God. I found what we used to lay at churc' to be true, that God filleth the hungry with good things, and sendeth the rich empty away. I could thank and bless God with all my soul for what he had done for 'me, and I was very happy for a few weeks, and did sweetly fced on your discourses; but, alas! my comforts went away again and troubles came. I felt great doubtings and searings; my corruptions and lufts got very 'rong and powerful, and my heart very. hard, and I was both peevith and fretful. If I read the Bible, I was as though I should give God the lie; and, in prayer, as though I should blaf. pheme and die. I conceived myself to be under a delusion, and that it was presumption I had
got under you: I fancied the dear Lord had left me, as he did Saul; and it was suggested to me, • Are you sure that your minister is right, does he really feel what he preaches?' I was in this state for some weeks, and thought that the workings of these evils could not be for my good, or for the glory of God, and was thereby brought very low. Afterwards it pleased God that you should preach from this text, “God is faithful, by whom you were called to the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.” You gave such a description of the trial I was in, the temptations I was exercised with, and our being called to the fellowship of Christ, that it pleased God to own, bless, and apply the word with power, so that the devil was obliged to be off with his fiery darts, and I went home in sweet peace. Truly, I can say, God is faithful, and will not forsake the work of his own hands, nor suffer us to be tempted above that which we are able to bear. By these trials I find out the two principles, the new man and the old; and I would not commit another fin against God, if it was his blessed will, for all the world; yet I find a principle, that lives in me, that loves sin as well, if not better, than ever it did, and can feast upon nothing else but fin; and the fins that I used to indulge myself the most in, are they which I now find my greatest plagues. Dear Sir, I lost all fear of death when you preached from this text; “When he fhall come to be glorified in his saints, and admired in all them that believe.” The language of my soul was, Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. You said there were some that were waiting for the second appearing of Chrift Jesus; and, blessed be God, I found myself to be one of that num: ber, though so vile, thật I am not worthy of the least of all God's mercies, for I deserye nothing at his hands but everlasting deftruction.,
I hate and abhor myself: this I now speak and feel, for God has given me a humble heart; it is the goodness of God that has led me to repenta ance, and it has led me to God, and not from him. Bless his most holy name, I love him because he first loved me, and gave himself for me, the chief of all finners; for my sins have been against light and love. Dear Sir, I fear I shall weary you, but I love to be speaking of these things when I can, for it is all my delight, and all my happiness; for every thing short of Christ I count vanity, and it is no more to me than the drop of a bucket.
I was much blessed when you spoke from these words: “ Now he which establisheth uş with you in Christ, and hąth anointed us, iş God, who hath also sealed us, and given the earnest of the Spirit in our hearts." O how I was comforted and established! I went home rejoicing in God, having no confidence in the flesh. I found myself firm on the rock, which is Christ Jesus; and I believe that you was chosen in him, before the world was, to bring me to Christ. 1 love to hear you on the life of the soul, for this is. my comfort in my affliction ; the word of the Lord hath quickened ine. That little book of yours hath been a blessed book to me, I mean, * TheDestruction of Death by the Fountain of Life.' Dear Sir, I am a witness that God speaks to the heart of his people by you; Paul may plant, and Apollos may water, but God must give the increase, for the excellency of power is of God, and not of man. Do excuse, dear Sir, the freedom I take with you; for I think there never was a son in the flesh that did love a father as I love you in the fpirit, because God is in you. These words have been sweet to me, when you have said, “Christ in you the hope of glory,' for glory is what I am hoping for; and, instead of being afraid of death, I often with for it, for I am a ftranger and a pilgrim in this world. I am crucified to the world, and the world to me, and my delight is in the ways of God; he has got my heart, and where my heart is there must my treasure be also. The ever-blessed God is my portion, and in him do I trust; I only want to enjoy more of his love, but bless him for ever for what I have. There is one thing I cannot submit to, and that is for you to die. May the Almighty and ever-blessed God abundantly bless you, both in soul and body, and give you a door