which I found myfelf very deficient, and never could come up to the rule I heard laid down, for I was daily offending in thought, word, and deed, and he that offends but in one point is guilty of all, Jam. ii. 10. So far was I from having that holiness of temper which I heard of (for the queftion was often afked, "What are your tempers," &c. ?) and thofe good frames and feelings, that in myself I daily found that which was quite the reverse of all this, being full of fury and fretfulness, bitter in fpirit, filled with rebellion, enmity, malice, wrath, peevishness, discontent, and envy, with every other evil working within: and fo far was I from feeling myself more and more fanctified, so as to be free from these things, that I appeared to get more vile, and my corrupt nature shewed itself in every fhape; which leads me to think that fuch preachers are phyficians of no value, who fet men to look for fuch attainments in themselves, inftead of leading them to Jefus Chrift, in whom they are all to be found; "Who of God is made unto us wifdom, and righteousness, and fanctification, and redemption," 1 Cor. i. 30. Those who teach fuch things keep poor fouls in bondage, and "the labour of the foolish wearieth every one of them, because he knoweth not how to go to the city," Eccl. x. 15. I have often returned home from hearing a fermon bowed down with distress and grief, lamenting my fhort-comings; then I used

to refolve to be more circumfpect, watchful, and obfervant, and that I would guard against every tranfgreffion and every evil with which I had before been overcome; vow and promise that I never would commit the like again, but in future would be more diligent: but, alas! fin was too ftrong for me, and I was foon overcome. Chrift declares," Without me ye can do nothing," John xv. 5. I broke through all my promises, and then funk into the deepest distress; and have set to vowing again in the same way, till I have been ready to bind myself down with oaths; but, as Job fays, "If I wash myself with snow water, and make my hands ever fo clean, yet fhalt thou plunge me in the ditch, and mine own clothes fhall abhor me," Job ix. 30, 31; and fo I found it, till this bitter and woful experience made me completely fick of this wretched way of going on: and now, if ever I hear a man setting people to make vows, my foul hates what they advance, knowing that they who are at fuch a work will have no better fuccefs than I had; and whoever fets them at it are turning the blind and the lame out of the way; and that which is lame is not to be turned out of the way, but rather to be healed. Chrift is the repairer of the breach, and the reftorer of paths to dwell in, and in him is peace and truth; as faith the prophet, "Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of

peace and truth," Jer. xxxiii. 6. All fulness is in the Saviour. If ever I made a vow, as foon as I had done it Satan fet upon me again with the fame temptation I had been protesting against, and never left me till I had broken through all my promises; fo that I never kept one vow that I had made, but as foon as I had broken them I was truly wretched and miferable. I verily be- • lieve that the whole of it is Satan's own work; he first fets us to make a vow, and then tempts us to break it, and afterwards turns accufer, on account of both.

I procured feveral books, in which were many forms of prayer adapted to different cafes; but I met with none that were altogether fuitable to my ftate; for frequently, when I began to repeat them, I durft not go on, knowing that what I was uttering with my mouth, and what I felt in my heart, were widely different, fo that I could get no fatisfaction from thefe, though I said many every day. Befides, I feldom failed repeating the morning and evening fervice, from the common prayer book, every day as I was at my work; indeed I had learnt prayers to repeat upon every occafion all the day long, for I attended at different prayer-meetings, where I have heard men pray with fuch eloquence, that I would have given a world to have expreffed myself like them but I was far enough from being able fo to do; I could only look on and wonder at

others, and concluded that none were fo ignorant as myself. One day, as I was reading, I came to this scripture," and I will pour upon the house of David, and upon the inhabitants of Jerufalem, the spirit of grace and of fupplications," Zech. xii. 10; which dwelt fo much upon my mind, that I began to leave off my forms of prayer, and endeavoured to call upon God as well as I could; but I was often in fuch confufion and trouble, that I could only utter a few broken unconnected expreffions, and fometimes was not able to speak a word, on which account I was greatly diftreffed, but found much relief from these two fcriptures, "Teach us what we fhall fay unto him, for we cannot order our speech by reason of darkness,” Job xxxvii. 19; from which it appears there could be little or nothing faid. And Paul fays, the fpirit helps our infirmities with groanings that cannot be uttered. The Lord knows the way that we take, and all our defire is before him. And, although many times I could not exprefs my feelings, yet I have groaned, being burdened, fighed and wept; and he that fearcheth the heart knoweth what is the mind of the spirit, for the spirit maketh interceffion for the faints according to the will of God, Finding I could not meet with any forms of prayer fuitable to my feelings, I left them all off, and have not made use of them from that day to this; but have called upon

the name of the Lord, in extempore prayer, as he hath enabled me.

I laboured under a fore and moft diftreffing temptation for many years, which was, blafphemous thoughts against the Moft High; and none that I have ever paffed through fince has given me so much diftrefs, it being of all others the moft horrid. Oh the days and months of mifery I have experienced, being bowed down with grief on account of it! I would not go through it again for all the world, and I hope in the Lord I never fhall; for I have many times fuffered fo much, as to be almost worn out with trouble, having no reft either by day or by night, fo that people about me have afked what was the matter; my distress being fo great, that I could reft in no place; and fo dejected, that I was the picture of mifery, for my mind was almoft diftracted. Indeed I have many times feared I fhould lose my fenfes, and be left to speak out what I felt within. I cannot exprefs a thousandth part of the troubles I have gone through of this fort, which I never durft mention to any creature living for many years, thinking that no one befides me either was, or ever had been, tempted to blafpheme in this way. And I was the more inclined to keep this matter to myself from an idea that, if it was known how wicked I was, every

one would look upon, me with disdain, and I

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