good Lord condefcended to hear my petition, and on that very day, a fituation was provided for me, my former engagement broken off, and God fixed me in the place where I folicited, and "where he has kept me to this day; and the promife he gave me before my firft removal was fulfilled; the Lord was with me, and kept me in all places whither I went he was with me in London; he was with me when I waited upon him, and spent my fabbaths alone; he was with me and bleffed me under the hedge; and he has never left me, but brought me again into this land! "O how great is thy goodness, which thou haft laid up for them that fear thee!" Pfalm xxxi. 19. "If we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us; and, if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we defired of him,” 1 John v. 14, 15. And how sweet and acceptable is every thing that is much wanted, and comes in answer to earnest prayer! "Before they call I will answer, and while they are yet speaking I will hear," Ifa. lxv. 24. This endears the Lord "Whofo is wife and will obferve these

to us;

things, even he shall understand the lovingkindnefs of the Lord," Pfalm cvii. 43.

year

A few months after this affair, in the 1800, a way was opened for me, and I got fettled in business; and for a long time every thing I engaged in went on as profperously as could be

E

defired. Nevertheless, my ruined and loft state was my meditation day and night, which brought me down very low, and my diftrefs kept increasing upon me; my natural ftrength was much abated, and extreme weakness of body fucceeded; for the arrows of God ftuck faft in me, and his hand preffed me fore, therefore I was feeble and fore broken, Pfalm xxxviii. 2 and 8. In the month of November you came down to Leicester, and I heard you preach from these words, "Thou, which haft fhewed me great and fore troubles, fhalt quicken me again, and fhalt bring me up again from the depths of the earth; thou fhalt increase my greatnefs, and comfort me on every fide, Pfalm lxxi. 20, 21. Never was any thing more fuitable to any one than this difcourfe to me in my then diftreffed state of mind; the things you brought forth were what I had felt, and I was a good deal relieved from the burden I had long laboured under, and felt encouragement to hope that he which had begun his good work in me would carry it on; for, although I was in fuch a ftate of confufion that I could make nothing of myfelf, yet, as you went on with your discourse, I could fee that it was God's good work, and I was greatly helped, and for fome time not fo much. bowed down as heretofore; but after a while I not only got back to my old place of dark nefs, confufion and mifery, but funk lower than ever; till, like Job, my foul was weary of my life, and.

I went mourning by reafon of the difquietness of my heart. This increased my weakness so fast, that I foon was in fuch a debilitated ftate as to be apprehenfive it might terminate in my diffolution; and I was much caft down, through the fear of death and judgment to come. My fins were fet in order before me, and God appeared as a fwift witness against me. "The forrows of death compaffed me, and the pains of hell got hold upon me; I found trouble and forrow, then called I upon the name of the Lord; O Lord, I beseech thee, deliver my foul," Pfalm cxvi. 3, 4. I had no reft in my bones because of my fin, Pfalm xxxviii. 3. The caul of my heart was rent, and I went in heaviness, meditating terror, "for the arrows of the Almighty were within me, the poifon whereof drank up my fpirits," Job vi. 4. God made inquifition for blood, and I knew that I was out of the city of refuge, Numb. Xxxv. 6. And the avenger of blood was behind me; should death cut me off, as the tree falls fo it lies I was fenfible that where death left me judgment would find me; and, if I died in the ftate I was then in, all would be loft for ever, and I fhould be "punished with everlafting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power," 2 Theff. i. 9. These things were fo weighty, that I felt myself incapable of transacting bufinefs, my mind being wholly engaged about them; and in that difconfolate

my

state I could pay but little attention to fublunary things; "For what is a man advantaged if he gain the whole world, and lofe himself, or be caft away?" Luke ix. 25. Many paffages of fcripture, which feemed to make againft me, laid with very great weight upon my mind; and, amongst many others, I often thought of the fruitless cries of Efau, and frequently wept when thinking I fhould be like him: the words alfo of our Lord were very cutting to me, Every plant that my heavenly father hath not planted shall be rooted up,” Matt. xv. 13. Thus my way was hedged up, and fear was on every fide; for, look which way I would, there was no reft for the fole of foot; my life hung in doubt; and I was filled with flavish and tormenting fear night and day, fo that in the morning the language of my heart was, Would God it were even,' and at even I faid, Would God it were morning,' for my fin was ever before me; and I found, as Paul fays, that deftruction and mifery are in all the finners ways, and the way of peace have they not known, Rom. iii. 16, 17. I was bowed down under the guilt of fin, and a fenfe of God's wrath. The heavens revealed my iniquity, and "I remembered God and was troubled; I complained and my spirit was overwhelmed," Pfalm lxxvii. 3. So, that, as Job fays, my words were swallowed up, Job. vi. 3; and I had forrow in my heart daily; for God, confcience, the fcripture, law,

"The

and gospel, all appeared to be against me, for day and night his hand was heavy upon me; and so diftreffed was I, that my days were forrow, my travail grief, and my heart took not rest in the night, Eccl. ii. 23. I funk in the deep mire, where there was no ftanding; and, being in this perilous condition, I haftened my escape from the ftormy wind and tempeft, Pfalm lv. 8. captive exile hafteneth that he may be loofed, and that he should not die in the pit, nor that his "bread should fail," Ifa. li. 14. My life was quite a burden to me, for I had no fatisfaction in any thing beneath the fun; and the comforter, which should relieve my foul, was far from me, Lam. i. 16. And fo diftreffed was I, that for fome time fleep almoft departed from me; "Thou holdeft mine eyes walking," faith the Pfalmift, Pfalm lxxvii. 4. I used to think of, and long for, the experience of these words, every night when I retired to bed, "Thou shalt lie down, and none fhall make thee afraid," Job xi. 19. But, fo far was I from this, that I was full of fear; my fore ran in the night, and ceafed not; for, as Job fays, "When I confider I am afraid of him," Job xxiii. 15. This my diftreffed state of mind brought me down fo low, that I was almoft worn out with trouble; "The spirit of a man will fuftain his infirmity, but a wounded spirit who can bear? Prov. xviii. 14; and in fuch a weak and feeble state of body, that I was under the necef