their doctrines as they were set forth,—a difficulty to which I have just alluded,-was the following.

A preacher of Philadelphia inculcated the notion that there was such a thing as real disinterestedness, and that it was a christian duty to aspire to it. This was laying the axe at the root of my system. Besides, I thought it was equally fatal to "liberal" christianity. I cannot conceive even now, how it is possible for any thinking person to put the two things together. Nay, I am certain that what I call disinterested benevolence can never harmonize either with Unitarianism or skepticism. They both require an admission of the doctrine of supreme selfishness-not a low selfishness, it is true-but an enlarged and liberal one; the doing of every thing with a reference to our own happiness, either more or less extended.

Not far from this time, I met with a young candidate for the ministry, who was about to be installed in a very respectable "liberal" society; and ascertaining that he was familiar with the writings of Hume, Godwin, and others of the same stamp, I ventured to introduce conversation on the subjects of which they treat; and ultimately on the writings of Paul. In the progress of the conversation, I asserted that the apostle Paul's reasoning was evidently sometimes quite inconclu

sive. "I do not think," said he, with a significant look and tone, "that we are driven to the necessity of saying quite so much.”

This struck me forcibly, for it appeared like a silent admission of the truth of my position; a thing which I had not expected.

But a more startling circumstance, occured sometime after this. In conversation with a person in one of our cities who was nominally a Unitarian, and whose amiable character, and unexceptionable moral excellence, not to say philanthropy, had secured the entire confidence of some of the first men of that sect, and, indeed of all who knew him, the influence of the Bible, as it is generally understood, received, and used, was mentioned as being an obstacle in the way of human improvement. Mankind must always be children, he thought, so long as such a blind submission was paid to that book, and he was anxious to see its authority tumbled down.*

His language was so impassioned, and his man

* He meant no doubt, the kind of authority which it usually maintains. If science or experience had already demonstated the truth of a thing which he found there, he was evidently ready to receive it; for it was then rational. But what is the use of the Bible, if it be but to confirm what we already know?

ner so earnest, that while it left not a doubt in my mind of his sincerity, it convinced me of a bitterness against the usual manner of receiving and regarding the Bible, which I did not expect ; and though I had long inclined to the sentiment myself, it struck me with a kind of horror to hear it avowed by another, from which I have not entirely recovered to this hour. Whenever I recollect the circumstance I fancy I see him with a frowning countenance, and in a mixed emotion of pity and rage, denouncing the very book whose authority Voltaire hated, and was equally anxious to destory.

But it affords me some consolation to know that the individual to whom I refer, now views the subject in a different light, and reflects with pain on his feelings and views at that period of what he calls his moral progress. I do not say that he has yet become a humble, child-like follower of the Savior; but he is very far indeed from being a disciple of Voltaire. And it is not delegated to me to say to what depths of error in sentiment a person may descend without getting beyond the reach of that mercy which is in a sense unlimited.

In another instance and in another place, I fell in with a gentleman of a character equally unex

ceptionable, and who passed equally well for a Unitarian. This gentleman, after considerable conversation, was found to entertain sentiments somewhat similar to the other. Finding that he was fond of conversing on the subject, I had become rather bold, and had objected to the character of Christ, when viewed as a perfect example; and he had at first assumed an attitude of defence. But his defence was of that loose kind which only confirmed me in the belief that he was a skeptic. For when I proposed difficulties in the way of receiving the Christian faith, he only gave what he said might be a reply to my objections. In no case did he use the indicative mode of speech, but always the potential.

I now for the first time made known to one or two persons in whom I thought I could confide, a resolution I had half formed, of going over, at once, to the "Free Inquirers" or "Skeptics." As to a written revelation, I had lost all confidence in it and its adherents; though I still abhorred many of the opinions of the skeptics. Their rough and offensive manner of presenting and defending them, was also equally odious. But the thought of the pain my apostacy would give to my friends, together with other considerations somewhat trying, kept me from making shipwreck.

The advice of liberal friends was now sought. One advised me to visit the "Free Inquirers," and ascertain what my prospects would be if I joined them. Another would not advise me, but said that if I should determine on such a course, he knew of a desirable situation among them, in one of our principal cities, which it was possible I might obtain.* But I still hesitated.f

Meanwhile, I fell in with one or two individuals who had entered deeply into several subjects which formerly occupied my attention, and with whom I could sympathize; but whose religious views were wholly "orthodox." I was surprised to find our general notions of things correspond, when on a single topic we differed so widely; for it appeared to me as strange that the various opinions held by these persons could harmonize, as that light should harmonize with darkness.

It is probable that this meeting with the individual referred to, saved me from making the desperate decision. For some time after this, however, I stood on the verge of skepticism, not

*This situation was ultimately secured to a gentleman and lady who were true disciples of Kneeland. The school, however, was not permanently flourishing. The lady is said to have recently become a believer.

† See Appendix, note D.