231 have fhewn my head, had not all my old acquaintance been reduced to the fame fhameful figure, excepting fome few that were punched through the belly. In the midft of this general calamity, when every body thought our misfortune irretrievable, and our cafe defperate, we were thrown into the furnace together, and, as it often happens with cities rifing out of a fire, appeared with greater beauty and luftre than we could ever boast of before. What has happened to me fince this change of Sex which you now fee, I fhall take fome other opportunity to relate. In the mean time I fhall only repeat two adventures; as being very extraordinary, and neither of them having ever happened to me above once in my life. The first was, my being in a Poet's pocket, who was fo taken with the brightnefs and novelty of my appearance, that it gave occafion to the finest burlefque Poem in the British language, intitled from me, "The "Splendid Shilling." The fecond adventure, which I must not omit, happened to me in the year one thousand feven hundred and three, when I was given away in charity to a blind man ; but indeed this was by mistake, the perfon who gave me having thrown heedlefly me into the hat among a pennyworth of farthings. N° 250. Tuesday, November 14, 1710. Scis etenim juftum gemina fufpendere lance Ancipitis libra ? PERS. Sat. 4.. ver. 10. Know't thou, with equal hand, to hold the fcale? DRYDEN. From my own Apartment, November 13. Laft winter erected a Court of Juftice for the correct. ing of feveral enormities in Drefs and Behaviour, which are not cognizable in any other Courts of this realm. realm. The Vintner's cafe, which I there tried, is still fresh in every man's memory. That of the Petticoat gave also a general fatisfaction, not to mention the more important points of the Cane and Perfpective; in which, if I did not give judgments and decrees according to the ftricteft rules of equity and juftice, I can fafely say, I acted according to the beft of my understanding. But as for the proceedings of that Court, I fhall refer my reader to an account of them, written by my Secretary; which is now in the prefs, and will fhortly be published under the title of Lillie's Reports. As I last year prefided over a Court of Juftice, it is my intention this year to fet myself at the head of a Court of Honour. There is no Court of this nature any where at prefent, except in France; where, acccording to the best of my intelligence, it confifts of such only as are Marshals of that kingdom. I am likewife informed, that there is not one of that honourable board at present, who has not been driven out of the field by the Duke of Marlborough: But whether this be only an accidental or a neceffary qualification, I must confefs I am not able to ⚫determine. As for the Court of Honour of which I am here fpeaking, I intend to fit myself in it as Prefident, with feveral men of Honour on my right-hand, and women of Virtue on my left, as my affiftants. The first place on the Bench I have given to an old Tangereen Captain with a wooden leg. The fecond is a Gentleman of a long twisted periwig without a curl in it, a muff with very little hair upon it, and a thread-bare coat with new buttons; being a perfon of great worth, and fecond brother to a man of Quality. The third is a Gentleman-ufher, extremely well read in Romances, and grandfon to one of the greatest Wits in Germany, who was fome time Mafter of the Ceremonies to the Duke of Wolfembuttel. As for those who fit further on my right-hand, as it is ufual in public Courts, they are fuch as will fill up the number of faces upon the Bench, and ferve rather for ornament than use. The The chief upon my left-hand are, An old maiden Lady, that preferves fome of the beft blood of England in her veins. A Welf woman of a little ftature, but high spirit. An old Prude, that has cenfured every marriage for thefe thirty years, and is lately wedded to a young Rake. Having thus furnished my Bench, I shall establish correfpondencies with the Horfe-guards, and the Veterans of Chelsea-College; the former to furnish me with twelve men of Honour as often as I shall have occafion for a grand Jury, and the latter, with as many good men and true for a petty Jury. As for the women of Virtue, it will not be difficult for me to find them about midnight at crimp and baffet. Having given this public notice of my Court, I must further add, that I intend to open it on this day sevennight, being Monday the twentieth inftant; and do hereby invite all fuch as have fuffered injuries and affronts, that are not to be redreffed by the common laws of this land, whether they be short bows, cold falutations, fupercilious looks, unreturned fmiles, diftant be-haviour, or forced familiarity; as alfo all fuch as have been aggrieved by any ambiguous expreffion, accidental juftle, or unkind repartee; likewife all fuch as have been defrauded of their right to the wall, tricked out of the upper end of the table, or have been fuffered to place themselves, in their own wrong, on the back-feat of the coach: These, and all of thefe, I do, as I above faid, invite to bring in their feveral cafes and complaints, in which they fhall be relieved with all imaginable expedition. I am very fenfible, that the office I have now taken upon me will engage me in the difquifition of many weighty points, that daily perplex the youth of the British Nation, and therefore I have already difcuffed feveral of them for my future ufe; as, How far a man may brandish his cane in telling a story, without infulting his hearer? What degree of contradiction amounts to the lye? How a man fhall refent another's ftaring and cocking a hat in his face? If afking pardon is an atonement for treading upon one's tones? Whether a man may put put up a box on the ear, reccived from a ftranger in the dark? Or, whether a man of Honour may take a blow of his wife? With feveral other fubtilties of the like nature. For my direction in the duties of my office, I have furnished myself with a certain aftrological pair of Scales, which I have contrived for this purpose. In one of them I lay the injuries, in the other the reparations. The first are reprefented by little weights made of a metal refembling iron, and the other of gold. These are not only lighter than the weights made ufe of in Avoirdapois, but also than fuch as are used in Troy-weight. The heaviest of those that reprefent the injuries amount but to a fcruple; and decrease by fo many fub-divifions, that there are several imperceptible weights which cannot be feen without the help of a very fine microfcope. I might acquaint my reader, that these Scales were made under the influence of the fun when he was in Libra, and defcribe many fignatures on the weights both of injury and reparation: But as this would look rather to proceed from an oftentation of my own art than any care for the public, I fhall pass it over in filence. N° 251. Thurfday, November 16, 1710. Quifnam igitur liber? Sapiens; fibi qui imperiofus; Fortis, in feipfo totus; teres atque rotundus, In quem manca ruit femper fortuna. HOR. Sat. 7. lib. 2. ver. 83. Who then is free The Wife, who well maintains Who Who can ambition's vaineft gifts despise, Polish'd and round who runs his proper course, And breaks misfortune with fuperior force. IT FRANCIS From my own Apartment, November 15. T is neceffary to an easy and happy life, to poffefs our minds in fuch a manner as to be always well fatisfied with our own reflections. The way to this state is to measure our actions by our own opinion, and not by that of the rest of the world. The fenfe of other men ought to prevail over us in things of lefs confideration, but not in concerns where truth and honour are engaged. When we look into the bottom of things, what at first appears a paradox is a plain truth; and thofe profeffions, which, for want of being duly weighed, feem to proceed from a fort of romantic philofophy, and ignorance of the world, after a little reflection, are fo reasonable, that it is direct madness to walk by any other rules. Thus to contradict our desires, and to conquer the impulses of our Ambition, if they do not fall in with what we in our inward fentiments approve, is so much our interest, and so abfolutely neceffary to our real happiness, that to contemn all the wealth and power in the world, where they ftand in competition with a man's honour, is rather good fenfe than greatnefs of mind. Did we confider that the mind of a man is the man himself, we should think it the most unnatural fort of felf-murder to facrifice the fentiment of the Soul to gratify the appetites of the body. Blefs us! Is it possible, that when the neceffities of life are fupplied, a man would flatter to be rich, or circumvent to be powerful? When we meet a poor wretch, urged with hunger and cold, afking an alms, we are apt to think this a ftate we could rather ftarve than fubmit to? But yet how much more despicable is his condition, who is above neceffity, and yet fhall refign his reafon and his integrity to purchase fuperfluities? Both these are abject and common beggars; but fure it is lefs despicable to beg a sup ply to a man's hunger than his vanity. But cuftom and general |