sensation pass through my soul, or heart, from being convinced most deeply of the awful state I was in before God as a sinner! The Lord brought to bear with such a weight on my mind, the nature of that particular sin I had been so fond of, namely, trifling with, and making sport of, the Song of Solomon, that Ĩ fell to the ground (Acts ix. 4.), and with similar feelings, as the jailor, cried out, "What must I do to be saved?" (Acts xvi. 30).

I felt and could say, as the Samaritan harlot did, "He told me all things that ever I did" (John iv. 29). A guilty conscience was soon manifested, condemnation took place within, death and hell presented themselves to my view, an angry God appeared, and his wrath from heaven was revealed against my iniquity and ungodliness (Rom. i. 18). By his wrath I was troubled, for the Lord had set my iniquities before him, and my secret sins in the light of his countenance (Ps. xc. 7, 8); his arrows soon dried up my moisture, so that it was turned into the drought of summer (Ps. xxxii. 4).

Thus far I have given a brief detail of the days of my unregeneracy, together with my diabolical, atheistical, sinful principles and practices; but above all, some of the tender mercies of the Lord towards me, in keeping and watching over me, "when, Satan's blind slave, I sported with death." Had it not been for the Lord's sovereign grace displayed, no one would have heard of my very black acts, as I always passed among the multitude for a good sort of a fellow. When I now look back and see the way the Lord kept me, preserved me, delivered me, and fed me, it makes sovereign mercy dear to me, and Jesus all in all. With Paul, I can say, "O the depth of the riches, both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out! For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counsellor? or who hath first given to him, and it shall be recompensed to him

again? For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen” (Rom. xi. 33-36).

Here I desire to pause, and in humility of mind before the Lord, to "acknowledge my unworthiness," as a sinner saved by grace. "What hath God wrought!" With all my heart and mind I can say to my ever blessed Lord, as Ruth said to Boaz, "Why have I found grace in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?" (Ruth ii. 10). I ask the reader to say, whether it is of grace or of works, that I am what I am? I rejoice before the Lord that it is all of grace, and my precious Lord shall have all the glory, who "plucked me as a brand from the fire" (Zec. iii. 2). It is clear to a demonstration, that there was no inherent qualification in me, unless sin and sinfulness be the qualification was a blasphemer, and injurious, but the purpose of God according to election stood (Rom. ix. 11); and "where sin abounded there did grace much more abound" (Rom. v. 20); and the words of the Lord Jesus were fulfilled in me, "All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out" (John vi. 37).

I

Having thus given a brief statement of more than twenty-three years of my very rebellious way of living, and also of the tender mercies of the Lord, in the display of his loving-kindnesses towards me, in preserving me from hell; it rejoices my soul now, and endears the blessed Lord unto me, that he had not appointed me to wrath, but to obtain "salvation by our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Thess. v. 9).

I would close this párt of my narrative with the words of the prophet," Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of Hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory" (Isa. vi. 3); and with Paul rejoice, that though "we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself" (2 Tim. ii. 13). Again, it is written, "The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will

save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing" (Zeph. iii. 17). "For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away" (Mal. ii. 16); and, the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his" (2 Tim. ii. 19). Therefore, O my soul, for ever bless the Lord, and give him all the glory. Amen.

. I now enter on the second part of my narrative, as was noticed in the preface.

We removed at Michaelmas from the house where the Lord had made my poor soul alive, "according to his eternal purpose, which he purposed in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Eph. iii. 11). We took up our abode in the house before alluded to; but changing from one house to another, did not change my feelings of the ministration of condemnation, the sentence of death which I had received; the spirituality of God's holy law was too firmly fixed in me by the Lord, to be removed in any way but the Lord's. My inward feelings were very acute, wrath was revealed in a broken law against my ungodliness; the guilt of my sins lay heavy on my conscience; I felt, as it were, an earnest of damnation; all my secret sins were in the light of God's countenance; sin was exceeding sinfulness; the terrors of God were upon me, and my heart meditated terror (Isa. xxxiii. 18); I felt and knew that it was a bitter thing to sin against God; all my past life and actions lay heavy on my mind, and many severe reflections arose there, on account of it. If I tried to pray, an angry God appeared: if I read the Bible, all was condemnation.

If I endeavoured to fly from the Lord, I found that I was in his strong hand; the inflexibility of justice stared me in the face; I found no refuge, and all my comeliness was turned in me into corruption; I retained no strength (Dan. x.8); but said with David, "Thine arrows stick fast in me, and thy hand presseth me sore; there is no soundness in my flesh,

because of thine anger, neither rest in my bones, because of my sin" (Ps. xxxviii. 2, 3); I felt confident, that hell would be my portion for ever; I could not say, that the Lord would be unjust in sending me there, for I had fully merited it; and as the fountain of my ungodliness was so opened to view, I saw plainly that God was a just God, and that I, an ungodly sinner, had no claim upon him for mercy; and 1 was assured of the truth of the following scripture-" I will come near to you to judgment; and I will be a swift witness against the sorcerers, and against the adulterers, and against false swearers" (Mal. iii. 5). Thus I was cut up root and branch; never shall I find words to express the anguish of my poor soul. I felt the truth of another scripture, "When thou with rebukes dost correct man for iniquity, thou makest his beauty to consume away like a moth: surely every man is vanity" (Ps. xxxix. 11)! Instead of finding any comfort from a broken law, in striving to keep it, or walking according to that rule, I found guilt and condemnation; for I had offended in all, and the holiness and justice of God's law pierced through my very soul, and caused it to overflow with anguish. As many as are of the works of the law are under the curse; for it is written, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things that are written in the book of the law to do them" (Gal. iii. 10). Thus I found that "the law worketh wrath" (Rom. iv. 15); that sin was the transgression of the law (1 John iii. 4); consequently, I believed that I was under the law, and should to all eternity be under its curse. I concluded there was no hope for me, and that no mercy could be shewn me, as I was such a sinner, estranged from God, and an enemy to him by wicked works. I thought God had set a mark upon me as he did upon Cain, that every one that saw me could read the curse of God marked on my forehead. Such were my thoughts, the Lord is my witness. Reader, if thou hast trodden this path, thou

canst enter into my feelings, which are not to be described; I found no ground to stand on, no place of safety, no circumstance, or thing, from which I could draw comfort, and I really believed I was fast sinking into hell. If all the infidels in the world had assailed me, they could not have persuaded me, that there was no God, heaven, or hell, for I had the earnest of hell in my conscience: as for heaven, I knew there was such a place, and this added to my misery, because I was confident I should never go there. And I knew there was a God, for I had sinned against him, "and come short of his glory" (Rom. iii. 23).

There were other portions of God's most holy word, which weighed heavy on my mind, rended my heart, made me tremble exceedingly, and filled me with terror, namely-" When ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you; yea, when ye make many prayers I will not hear: your hands are full of blood” (Isa. i. 15). And again, "But ye have set at nought all my counsel, and would none of my reproof: I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh; when your fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a whirlwind; when distress and anguish cometh upon you. Then shall they call upon me, but I will not answer; they shall seek me early, but shall not find me: for that they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the Lord they would none of my counsel: they despised all my reproof. Therefore shall they eat of the fruits of their own way, and be filled with their own devices (Prov. i. 25-31). Cutting reflections arose in my mind, that if I had attended to the beforementioned warnings and calls from the Lord, he would have shewn me mercy; but as I rejected them, and would none of his ways, I had sinned away, as some say, the day of grace, and was beyond the reach of mercy. The unalterable purpose, the immutability, and faithfulness of God, that he was in one mind, and