I might have withheld these political noodles
From knocking their heads against hot Yankee Doodles;
I might have told Ireland I pitied her lot,
Might have soothed her with hope-but you know I did
And my wish is, in truth, that the best of old fellows
Should not, on recovering, have cause to be jealous,
But find that, while he has been laid on the shelf,
We've been all of us nearly as mad as himself.
You smile at my hopes-but the Doctors and I
Are the last that can think the K-NG ever will die!
A new era's arrived-though you'd hardly believe itAnd all things, of course, must be new to receive it. New villas, new fêtes (which even WAITHMAN attends)New saddles, new helmets, and-why not new friends?
I repeat it" New Friends"-for I cannot describe
The delight I am in with this P-RC-V-L tribe.
Such capering-such vapouring!-such rigour-such
vigour !
North, South, East, and West, they have cut such a figure,
That soon they will bring the whole world round our
And leave us no friends—but Old Nick and Algiers.
When I think of the glory they've beam'd on my chains,
'Tis enough quite to turn my illustrious brains;
It is true we are bankrupts in commerce and riches,
But think how we furnish our Allies with breeches!
We've lost the warm hearts of the Irish, 'tis granted,
But then we've got Java, an island much wanted,
To put the last lingering few who remain
Of the Walcheren warriors out of their pain.
Then, how WELLINGTON fights! and how squabbles his
brother!
For Papists the one, and with Papists the other;
One crushing NAPOLEON by taking a city,
While t'other lays waste a whole Cath'lic Committee !
Oh, deeds of renown!-shall I boggle or flinch,
With such prospects before me?—by Jove, not an inch.
No-let England's affairs go to rack, if they will,
We'll look after th' affairs of the Continent still,
And, with nothing at home but starvation and riot,
Find Lisbon in bread and keep Sicily quiet.
I am proud to declare I have no predilections,-
My heart is a sieve, where some scatter'd affections
Are just danced about for a moment or two,
And the finer they are, the more sure to run through : Neither have I resentments, nor wish there should
To mortal-except (now I think on't) BEAU BR-MM-L,
Who threaten'd, last year, in a superfine passion,
To cut me, and bring the old K-NG into fashion.
This is all I can lay to my conscience at present.
When such is my temper, so neutral, so pleasant,
So royally free from all troublesome feelings,
So little encumber'd by faith in my dealings
(And, that I'm consistent, the world will allow,-
What I was at Newmarket, the same I am now)—
When such are my merits (you know I hate cracking),
I hope, like the vender of best Patent Blacking,
"To meet with the generous and kind approbation
"Of a candid, enlighten'd, and liberal nation."
By the bye, ere I close this magnificent Letter
(No man except POLE could have writ you a better), "Twould please me if those, whom I've humbug'd so
With the notion (good men!) that I knew right from
Would a few of them join me-mind, only a few-
To let too much light in on me never would do;
But even GREY's brightness shan't make me afraid,
While I've C-MD-N and ELD-N to fly to for shade;
Nor will HOLLAND'S clear intellect do us much harm,
While there's W-STM-REL-ND near him to weaken the
charm.
As for MOIRA's high spirit, if aught can subdue it,
Sure joining with H-RTF-RD and Y-RM-TH will do it!
Between R-D-R and WH-RT-N let SHERIDAN sit,
And their fogs will soon quench even SHERIDAN'S wit;
And against all the pure public feeling that glows
Even in WHITBREAD himself we've a host in G-RGE R-SE!
So, in short, if they wish to have Places, they may,
And I'll thank you to tell all these matters to GREY,
Who, I doubt not, will write (as there's no time to lose)
By the twopenny post to tell GRENVILLE the news;
And now, dearest FRED (though I've no predilection),
Believe me your's always with truest affection.
P. S.-A copy of this is to P-RC-V-L going— Good Lord! how St. Stephen's will ring with his crowing!
ANACREONTIC-TO A PLUMASSIER.
FINE and feathery artisan!
Best of Plumists, if
With your art so far presume,
Make for me a P-E's Plume-
Feathers soft and feathers rare,
Such as suits a PE to wear!
First, thou downiest of men!
Seek me out a fine Pea-hen ;
Such a Hen, so tall and grand,
As by Juno's side might stand,
If there were no Cocks at hand!
Seek her feathers, soft as down,
Fit to shine on P-E's crown;
If thou canst not find them stupid!
Ask the way of PRIOR'S Cupid.
Ranging these in order due,
Pluck me next an old Cuckoo ;
Emblem of the happy fates
Of easy, kind, cornuted mates!
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