Give them a rope and butter, quoth Iamie. But now you would laugh to see how lown-like our lord bishops walk up and down London, with halfe a score of casheered Scots ministers after them, like so many mourning pilgrims, all of them, as in a procession, waiting upon the old archbishop; but ye ken there is an old saying, There can be no holy procession where the divel carryes the crosse. Such alterations and innovations have been in the English churches, as he, that had been but three yeare absent out of the kingdome, could not have told at his return how to have behaved himselfe in the churche, when to have sit, nor when to have stood; when to have prayed, nor when to have read: but, as a dumb Diego, must crouch and kneel as the rest did, yet know not for what.

But God be thanked, since the Scots businesse begun, the church hath had a pretty quiet nappe of rest, and ceremonies stand at a stay.

That, in the heat of altering altars, much contention was amongst themselves. Some would have candlesticks placed, and all other implements; and others would have an altar made ready first, to receive the sacrifice when it should be sent them; insomuch, as the great doctor of all church-ceremonies protested, 'He was more troubled with the too much conformablenesse of some, nor with the non-conformablenesse of the others' and the reason was, because the one runnes too fast on before, for the other to follow after. This is no small grace for conformers: why, herein they were like Mr. Michael Scot, who found the devil, his master, more worke than he was able to doe

That Paul Tune-man, of the Temple, having spent a yeares preaching, to prepare his auditorie to admit of an altar, at the last prevailed; whereupon, that it might be the more perspicuous, he would not suffer any thing to stand neare it. But he brake his backe with the removing of the pulpit, which stood before it. And when he heard that the king and the Scots were agreed, and that the altars were like to down againe, away he went into the countrey, where, for very grief, he gave up the ghost, and shut out his feet and died at whose buriall, a good old doctor brought this for his text at his funerall sermon, He which was killed betwixt the temple and the altar;' and his application proved true. He consumed his estate in suits with the Templers, and spent his spirits in labouring to maintain the lawfullnesse of the altar: so he was killed between the one and the other.

That a madde cappe, and (I believe it was a blew one) coming in one day to a new altered church, and looking upon their implements, told his friend that was with him, 'That their altar betokened alteration of their religion; their plate, pride; their clasped booke, obscurity from the communality; the cushion, lazinesse in their calling; and their two darke tapers, blindnesse and ignorance: for, if their light shine no better than their blind tapers, it will never be able to light any man to heaven.'

There hath been such a number of ballad-makers, and pamphletwriters, imployed this yeare, as it is a wonder every thing being printed, that hath any thing in it against the Scots, as the Loyalties speech, that

Viz. The lawyers at the Temple.

there was any roome for that (which was made in Queen Elizabeths time, upon the Northerne rebellion) and now reprinted; but the author was ashamed of his name: after that dropt the Irish bishops booke, which cryed downe all the Covenanters, and called up some Iesuite to maintaine this Northerne combustion, worse then the Gunpowder-treason: and, if none come, it is thought he will act the Iesuites part him selfe, in something hereafter.

The first fruits of his grand service, was that hot prize which he played in the Starre-chamber of Dublin, at the conventing of Mr. Henry Stewart, his wife and two daughters, with one Iames Gray, for not taking the oath his virulent revilements against the cause, and the maintainers thereof, made his face pale as ashes, and his ioynts to quiver, which argued an ill cause, and a worse conscience: but the saying proves true, corruptio boni pessima, the better man, the worse bishop. After this, one blurts out a book, wherein (as if he had been a messenger from warres) he undertakes the ungirding of the Scots armour, but, God be thanked, his arme was too short to reach them; and I hope Gregory Brandon will one day gird him up in a hempen halter, or St. Iohnnestone ribband.

Pox upon those priests, quoth Willie, let us heare somewhat els, for the 's no goodnesse in them,

Then, quoth Iamie, I will tell you somthing of poets and players, and ye ken they are merry fellows.

There was a poore man (and ye ken 'povertie is the badge of poetrie)* who, to get a little money, made a song of all the capps in the kingdome, and, at every verse end, concludes thus,

Of all the capps that ever

I see,

Either great or small, blew capps for me.

But his mirth was quickly turned to mourning, for he was clapt up in the Clinke*, for his boldnesse, to meddle with any such matters. One Parker, the prelats poet, who made many base ballads against the Scots, sped but little better, for he and his Antipodes were like to have tasted of Justice Longs liberalitie: and hardly he escaped his powdering-tubb, which the vulgar people calls a prison.

But now he sweares he will never put pen to paper for the prelats againe, but betake himselfe to his pitcht kanne, and tobacco-pipe; and learne to sell his frothie pots againe, and give over poetrie.

gave

But ile tell thee, I met with a good fellow of that quality, that me a few fine verses; and, when I have done, I will sing them. In the meane time, let me tell ye a lamentable tragedie, acted by the prelacie, against the poore players of the Fortune play-house, which made them sing,

Fortune my foe, why dost thou frown on me? &c.

Or they having gotten a new old play, called, 'The Cardinalls Con* The Bispop of Winchester's prison in Southwark.

spiracie, whom they brought upon the stage in as great state as they could, with altars, images, crosses, crucifixes, and the like, to set forth his pomp and pride. But woefull was the sight, to see how, in the middest of all their mirth, the pursevants came and seized upon the poore cardinall, and all his consorts, and carryed them away. And when they were questioned for it, in the high commission court, they pleaded ignorance, and told the archbishop, that they tooke those examples of their altars, images, and the like, from heathen authors. This did somewhat asswage his anger, that they did not bring him on the stage: but yet they were fined for it, and, after a little imprisonment, gat their libertie. And, having left them but a few old swords and bucklers, they fell to act the Valiant Scot, which they played five dayes with great applause, which vext the bishops worse then the other, somuch as they were forbidden playing it any more; and some of them prohibited ever playing agaiue.

in

Well, quoth Willie, let the bishops be as angry as they will, we have acted the Valiant Scot bravely at Berwicke; and, if ever I live to come to London, Ile make one my selfe to make up the number, that it may be acted there to, and that with a new addition; for I can tell thee, here's matter enough, and ye ken that I can fence bravely, and flish flash with the best of them.

Nay, quoth Jamie, I believe you may save that labour, for every ladde at London learnes to exercise his armes: there has been brave branding amongst the boyes there upon this businesse, and they have divided themselves into three companies, the Princes, the Queens, and the Duke of Yorks: the first were called the English, the second the French, and the Duke of York were called the Scots Company, who, like brave blades, were like to beat both the other two. And I can tell thee, that there has been such hot service amongst them, that some of their youngest souldiers have been faine to be carryed heame out of the field: whereupon it was blabbed abroad, that boyes had done more then men durst doe here at Berwicke.

But all this sport was little to the court-ladyes, who begun to be very melancholy for lacke of company, till at last some young gentlemen revised an old game, called,

Have at thy coat, old woman.

But, let the old woman alone, she will be too hard for the best of them. With these, and the like passages, the time was spent, untill news came of the peace, which did not please the prelats, yet they could not tell how to helpe it: faine would they have pickt a quarrell, but knew not how, untill ill-lucke at last did helpe him. For it seems that the Scots commissioners had made some noates of remembrance of such speeches as had been past between the king and them upon the pacification, which they gave unto the English nobilitie, who being (after the kings return) to give in accompt of their proceedings to the rest of the councell, they were questioned for having the said noates; and every one made some excuse, and, like simple honest men, confest their

sillynesse; and were content to have it proclaymed, that they never heard such words spoken. Now, forsooth, because they could not hang a few papers, therfore they commanded they should be burnt by the common hangman, who, at the time appointed, came in as great state, as if he had been to bishop, or brand, Bastwick and Burton againe, to the Pallace-yard (alias, the prelats purgatory) with a halter in each hand, with two trumpets touting before him, and two men with a few loose papers following him; where, after reading of the proclamation, Gregory, very ceremoniously, put fire to the faggots, and so the poore innocent papers payd for it: when he had done, he cryed, 'God save the king,' and flourished his roapes, If any man conceale any such papers, he shall be hanged in these halters;' with which words, I was so afraid, that I ranne home, and burnt all my papers, and so saved him a labour.

Now I wish the wagge in a widdie, quoth Willie, that so abuses king and counsell, as we may not keep a few papers for them; what a mischiefe meane they; are they ashamed of their doings, that the people must not know how things goe?

So it seems, quoth Iamie; but, if any thing were worth the hearing, it should be proclaimed with sound of trumpet; as ye kenne, the last Lent, the troupers used to ryde up and down streets from city to court, and from court to countrey, with their trumpets before them, which made the people run out to see them, as fast as if it had been the bagge-pipes playing along before the beares: but, at their returne, all that was layd aside; and, as if they had been ashamed of themselves, they stole into the town alwayes in the duske of the evening, where somtimes two, somtimes three, would come home together, driving their horses before, and a poke-mantle lying on the saddle, with their boots and sword tyed on the toppe of it: these lodged in Smithfield, and fed as long on their horses, as their hoast durst let them.

Others came home on foot, with their saddles on their backs, for they had sold their horse skinnes, and shoes, where they fell lame by the way, and these men landed at Pye Corner, where, after they had sold their saddles, like rusty rascalls, they eat out their swords.

Now I have told you all I can remember, for I came away assoone as the papers were burnt: but, if I had not been apparelled like a poore parson, all in blacke, with a cannonicall coat, I had been robbed many times by the way; for the souldiers returned home by hundreds, and all was fish that came in the net, where they could catch any thing. But, upon Newmarket heath, I mist my way, and met with a shepheard, who told me, 'It was no wonder to see me so, for most of the ministerie had been out of the way for a long time together, and had misled the king to an unthriftie iourney, wherein he had spent more money than all the clergie of the kingdome were worth.' Well, quoth I, to the shepheard, every one to their calling, thou to thy hooke, and I to my booke; and so away I went, and never met with any thing worth noating by the way: so as I will onely sing my song, and conclude.

SIR Iohn got on a bonny browne beast
To Scotland for to ride a,

A brave buffe coat upon his back,
A short sword by his side a.
Alas, young man, we Sucklings can
Pull down the Scottish pride a.

He danc'd and pranc'd, and prankt about,
"Till people him espide a;

With pye-ball'd apparrell, he did so quarrell,
As none durst come him nye a.

But soft, Sir Iohn*, ere you come home,
You will not look so high a.

Both wife and maid, and widow prayd,
To the Scots he would be kind a;
He storm'd the more, and deeply swore
They should no favour find a..

But, if you had been at Berwicke and seen,
He was in another ruffe a.

His men and he, in theiri ollitie

Did drinke, quarrell, and quaffe a, 'Till away he went like a Jack of Lent:

But it would have made you to laugh a, How away they did creep, like so many sheep, And he like an Essex calfe a.

When he came to the camp, he was in a damp
To see the Scots in sight a,

And all his brave troops, like so many droops,
To fight they had no heart a.

And, when the allarme cal'd all to arme,

Sir John he went to shite a.

They prayd him to mount, and ryde in the front

To try his courage good a.

He told them the Scots had dangerous plots,

As he well anderstood a.

Which they denyed, but he replyed

It's shame for to shed blood a.

He did repent the money he spent,
Got by unlawfull game a;

His curled locks could endure no knocks.

Then let none goe againe a:

Such a carpet knight as durst not fight,

For feare he should be slaine a.

Suckling, governor of Berwick.