Imágenes de páginas
PDF
EPUB

About the same period she writes to another friend in a similar strain of patient hope. After expressing her regret on account of apparent neglect, she goes on to say,

"But I must pray for patience with myself, and willingness to do nothing, and be nothing; and to be more lost in adoring contemplation of the patience and forbearance of a gracious God and Saviour towards me, from day to day. I think, (at least I hope,) that I do sink lower and lower in self-abasement, and self-abhorrence; and my prayer is, that this sinking may be accompanied with a stronger faith in Christ;-and that in sinking I may rise, and climb the Rock that is higher than I.' My continuance on earth cannot be long; -therefore would I stand with girded loins, and a burning lamp. Much have I been favoured of late in the sweet drawings of a Saviour's love; and in consequence, much do I long to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. But how much longer my suffering state may yet be protracted, is best known to Him whose will and pleasure it seems to continue me in the body, for the gracious purpose of a further preparation for eternity, and on account of some to whom, through His power, I may be made an instrument of help and benefit. Yes, I am, as you say, nearly seventy years of age! I really cannot bear, except in some favoured seasons, to look back upon my foolish, sinful life. But when I am sweetly brought to the foot of the cross, in the exercise of penitence, faith, and love, then I dare go minutely over the dreadful catalogue, and present it to my Saviour to cross it out, and bear it away, never to be heard of more in a way of condemnation. Let me excite you, my dear friend, to look more at the Saviour than on yourself; it is by losing ourselves in Him that we

66

shall grow in every grace, and be transformed into his image. To dwell upon what He is in Himself, and what He is to us, and upon His stupendous plan of redemption for us, enlarges the heart and the understanding, and raises us above this grovelling world.

"I rejoice in your success: but faith must still be your sheet anchor, as well as mine, whether we have favours or no favours. May it be mightily encreased in each of us, together with every other grace of the blessed Spirit!"

To a clergyman with whom she had held much religious intercourse, MRS. HAWKES writes in the month of June, 1828, as follows:

"I long for the favour of your sitting quietly by the side of my couch, that I might have the delight of hearing you talk of things new and old, as you used to do; and that I might obtain answers to many questions which sometimes confuse my mind. Seldom as I leave my room, save merely for an airing, yet reports and rumours of what is passing in the world, (I mean the religious world,) reach my ears, and eyes too, in print,-such as make me feel the want of a wise interpreter, close at hand. Not so much for my own satisfaction, as for the sake of many young persons who eagerly come to me, to tell them what to believe of floating speculations and theories, and what not:-while at the same time, they support their notions on the authority of such good and established teachers of truth, as quite to shut my mouth; and I cannot help feeling, that these, (speculations) to say the least of them, are the little foxes' that are let into the vineyards to spoil the tender grapes.' I do wish, my revered friend, that you would

[ocr errors]

take up your pen, and send forth an alarm and caution to young converts; for I am in full evidence of the mischief that is doing by drawing off their minds from heart to head knowledge. Alas! old as I am, and having nothing left to attract or attach my mind to earth,— yet because the sinful wretched idol self, is left - I find no time to spare for any other object or pursuit, than how to keep my lamp burning, in readiness for my Lord's coming; and that, by daily and hourly seeking to obtain oil from the sacred and true Olive Tree, and not oil that is doubtful, or adulterated. Ah, we want our dear and revered father Cecil again amongst us, to extinguish delusive lights by boldly holding forth the torch of truth! Wilt thou not revive us again?' needs to be our cry. But so said our beloved father Cecil years ago, when he preached upon that text."

[ocr errors]

In reference more particularly to her own experience, MRS. HAWKES continues in the same letter:

"With deep humiliation and thanksgiving, I trust I may venture to say, 'Never less alone, than when alone.' Sweetly does the adorable Saviour, who alone can be an ever-present friend, invite, and frequently enable me to repose my cares, and sorrows, and weariness, and pain, on his breast of tenderness and love,although the clamours of true and just accusations of conscience, and of Satan himself, strive to affright, and give the name of presumption to my, I trust, scriptural confidence. Not one inch dare I stir but on Scripture warrant. With that in my feeble hand of faith, and prostrate in self-loathing, and self-renunciation, at the foot of the sacred cross,-while tears of penitence and love, like those of Mary's, wash the feet of my crucified Lord,—

I am not afraid of being an Antinomian. Nothing but free, sovereign grace and favour, will meet my case, and bring peace to my soul. All the difference that I find in myself, after years of trials and experience, is, that I see sin, as sin, so dreadful and hateful, that I know not where to hide my blushing face; were it not for the gracious displays of more abounding grace and love, and that oustretched-hand of mercy, that draws me to hide myself in the cleft of the Rock rent for me, the chief of sinners. I would sink lower and lower yet, crying out, unclean, unclean,'-if also I may be found in Him,' clothed in his spotless righteousness, and daily more transformed into the mind and likeness of Christ.

[ocr errors]

"With regard to the dispute respecting assurance, I wish to know your thoughts, rather than name my own. I can only say,-happy are those who have it legitimately, and happy are those who are seeking it humbly. But neither wise nor profitable, nor, as I think, safe and sound, are the discussions and arguments upon so sacred a topic. Our honoured father Cecil used to say, 'Assurance is the daughter of experience.' What echo do you give to that, dear sir? One mercy and favour I am thankful for,—namely, though clouds sometimes arise, I can climb to the Rock that is higher than I,' and cry out, ' though He slay me, yet will I trust in him.' But this is a low state,' and little faith,' say our disputers, and scarcely safe.' Well, I shall soon, I trust and expect, gain admittance, through the blood of the everlasting covenant,' into that kingdom of light, where there is no darkness at all."

[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

CHAPTER IX.

HER REMOVAL FROM QUEEN'S ROW, AND SUBSEQUENT RESIDENCE IN CROSS STREET, ISLINGTON.

From A. D. 1828 to 1832.

Kindness of Mr. B---MRS. HAWKES's letters to this friend-Her temporary abode at Highgate-Comfortable settlement in Cross Street-Letter to a friend harassed by spiritual doubts and fears-Her views of the Holy Trinity -Increasing humility-Letter of the Rev. John Berridge—Of the Rev. Joseph Milner-Visitation of severe sickness-Letter to Mrs. Y—, in which she notices the death of Mrs. Cecil-Letter to a relative on the subject of entering the ministry-To Mr. E. T. Jones, on prayer-Letters to the Rev. R. Waldo Sibthorp.

AMONG those friends who valued MRS. HAWKES'S society, there was one, well known for his benevolence and christian character, an old hearer of Mr. Cecil's, and who by his liberalities towards his afflicted minister had occasioned the remark, that he and his equally generous partner were like the Macedonians, who, "to their power, and beyond their power, had administered to the saints." During the latter years of MRS, HAWKES'S life, Mr. B-, the friend of whom we are speaking, was

« AnteriorContinuar »