proper and literal sense, and without a figure ? And where now is that same cup? If you have lost that, you have, in your own sense, lost the New Testament and all your share therein.

"Now, sir, if you can persuade me and this company, out of our senses and understandings, so as that we may be able to believe against both, that a piece of bread is the body of Christ, and a cup of wine is his blood, then you may bid fair for our conversion, or rather perversion to your religion: but, till you can do that, you cannot reasonably expect we should embrace so great absurdities."

Upon this the papist said, these were great mysteries, and the subject copious and intricate, and could not, at that time, be fully prosecuted, but might be more largely discussed at some other more convenient opportunity. I replied: "Then why did you move it? Could you think we would all sit silent to hear you propagate such notions, and make no opposition ?" And so the matter dropped. But though I had thus opposed him, he showed more respect to me afterwards than to any other of the company.

*I think proper, in this place, to recount some of the gracious dealings of the Lord with me, from my early days. I was not naturally addicted to much vice or evil, and yet, through * 1688.

the conversation of rude boys at school, I had acquired some things by imitation, tending that way; but as I came to put them in practice by word or action, I found something in myself, at such times, suddenly surprizing me with a sense of the evil, and making me ashamed when alone; though what I had said or done was not evil in the common account of such as I conversed with, or among men in a common acceptation. And though I did not know or consider what this reprover was, yet it had so much influence and power with me, that I was much reformed thereby from those habits, which, in time, might have been foundations for greater evils; or as stocks whereon to have engrafted a worse nature, to the bringing forth of a more plentiful crop of grosser vices. Nevertheless, as I grew up to maturity, I had many flowings and ebbings in my mind; the common temptations among youth being often and strongly presented: and though I was preserved from guilt, as in the sight of men, yet not so before the Lord; who seeth in secret, and at all times beholdeth all the thoughts, desires, words, and actions of the children of men, in every age and throughout the world.

The lust of the flesh and of the eye, and the pride of life, had their objects presented; the airs of youth were many and potent: strength,

activity, and comeliness of person were not a wanting, and had their share. Nor were natural endowments of mind, or competent acquirements afar off; and the glory, advancements, and preferments of the world, spread as nets in my view, and the friendship thereof was beginning to address me with flattering courtship. I wore a sword, which I well understood, and rode with fire arms also, of which I knew the use; and yet I was not quarrelsome; for though I emulated, I was not envious: but this rule, as a man, I formed to myself, never to offend or affront any wilfully or with design; and if inadvertently I should happen to disoblige any, rather to acknowledge than maintain or vindicate a wrong thing; and rather to take ill behaviour from others by the best handle, than be offended where no offence was wilfully designed. But then I was determined to resent and punish an affront or personal injury, when it was done in contempt or with design: and yet I never met with any save once; and then I kept to my own maxims with success; yet so as neither to wound nor be wounded; the good Providence of the Almighty being ever over me and on my side, as well knowing my meaning in all my conduct.

But in process of time, as these prevalent and potent motions of corruption and sin became

stronger in me, so the Lord, in his great goodness and mercy, made manifest to my understanding the nature and end of them; and having a view of them in the true Light, and of the danger attending them, they became irksome, disagreeable, and exceeding heavy and oppressive to my mind: and then the necessity of that great work of regeneration was deeply impressed upon me; but I had no experience or evidence of it wrought in me hitherto. This apprehension greatly surprized me with fear, considering the great uncertainty of the continuance of the natural life; and it began to put a secret stain upon the world and all its glory, and all that I had to glory in; though I kept these thoughts within my own breast, not knowing of any soul to whom I could seriously and safely divulge them: and indeed none, for a considerable time, discerned my inward concern by any outward appearance; which I found afterwards had been much to my advantage and safety.

It is admirable by what various steps the Lord is pleased to lead the soul of man out of this world and the spirit of it, home to Himself! and yet I am apt to think, that, in his Divine and unlimited wisdom, He does not take the same outward method and steps with every one; but varies the work of his Providence as

may best suit their states and circumstances, and they can bear. For, by an accident that befel me, I was further alarmed to consider my ways, the uncertainty of life, my present state, and my latter end.

It was this. Intending to go to a country church with an acquaintance, as we were riding gently along, my horse stumbling, fell and broke his neck, and lay so heavy upon my leg, that I could scarcely draw it from under him; yet I received no hurt but, as we stood by him a little, I had this consideration, that my own life might have been ended by that occasion; and I did not find myself in a condition fit for heaven, having yet no evidence of that necessary qualification of regeneration; which brought great heaviness over my mind, that did not totally depart, till, through the infinite mercy of God, I was favoured with a further knowledge and a better state.

Hitherto I had known the Grace of God in me, only as a manifester of evil and of sin; a word of reproof, and a law condemning and judging those thoughts, desires, words, passions, affections, acts, and omissions, which are seated in the first nature, and rooted in the carnal mind; in which the suggestions, temptations, and influences of the evil one work and prevail; and by which Divine Grace I was, in some good