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we have officiously deluded and cheated ourselves out of religion and happiness; and God, who will not always be despised by his creatures, has chosen me as an example to you all, and a warn ing to the lazy and indifferent Christian. But who, alas! can write his own tragedy without tears, or copy out the seal of his own damnation without horror! That there is a GOD, I know, because I continually feel the effects of his wrath: that there is a hell, I am equally certain, having received an earnest of my inheritance there already in my breast that there is a natural conscience, I now feel with hor ror and amazement, being continually upbraided by it with my impieties, and with all my sins brought to my remembrance. Why GOD has marked me out for an example of his vengeance, rather than you or any other of our acquaintance, I presume, is, because I have been more religiously educated, and have done greater despite to the Spirit of Grace. What egregious folly is it for dust and ashes to contend with its Creator, to question his justice, his power, yea, his very being; when at the same time, without this GOD, every such wretch would immediately fall into nothing, being without him not able to exist one moment? What vile ingratitude is it scurrilously to reflect on his religion, who died to reconcile such reflecters to himself? Do not mistake yourself; it is not a light matter to contend with the GoD of nature, to abuse religion, and deny its Author, and (what is worst of all) to apostatize from it, as I have done. GOD has met with me for it, after a long for

bearance of my inveterate impieties and profaneness. Let me entreat you to leave off your sins; who knows but God may yet receive you? I speak not this out of any love to virtue, or hatred of vice (for I am hardened and impenitently reprobate); but, like Dives, I am unwilling my brethren should come into this place of torment. Make what use of this you please; only remember, that if it does not reclaim it will enhance your guilt, possibly to be overtaken in this world, as I am by the just judgment of God; if not, be sure you will be met with hereafter, which is all, from, &c."

As soon as the letter was read and sent, the night being far worn, we all took our leave of him, wishing him good rest, and a happier condition the next day. To which he replied, "Gentlemen, I thank you, but my happiness is at an end; and as for my rest to night, thus I spend the little remainder of my miserable moments. All the ease I expect will be wishing for the day, as in the day time I wish for the night, and in a fearful expectation of my dissolution, and the account I must make upon it. But, Gentlemen, good night to you; and remember me, to confirm you in the religion I have disowned, that you may stand more cautiously by my folly, and secure the happiness I have forfeited."

The next day came several of his friends out of the country. Having had an account of his circumstances, one of them told him that he and several more of his relations came to town, and were sorry to find him in so weak a condition as he appeared to be in; for now he was nothing but skin

and bone, the agonies he lay under doing the work of the quickest consumption.

He answered, "I am obliged in common civility to thank you all but who are my relations? Our Saviour said, such as did the will of his heavenly Father were his relations. I may properly say, that none but the Atheists, the reprobate, and such as do the work of the devil, are my rela tions. This little tie of flesh and blood will dissolve in a moment, but the relation I have with the damned is permanent. The same lot, the same place of tor ment, the same exercise of blasphemy, and the same eternity of horror, will be the common lot of us all; so the similitude of torments, place, and duration, will join us in a very strict union."

His friends, who only had heard he was distracted, hearing him deliver himself in such terms were amazed, and began to inquire of some of us, what made him talk at such a rate? He, hearing them whispering to gether, and imagining the cause, called them all to him, and said,

"You imagine me melancholy or distracted: I wish I were ei ther; but it is part of my judg. ment that I am not. No; my apprehension of persons and things is rather more quick and vigorous, than it was when I was in perfect health; and it is my curse, because thereby I am more sensible of the condition I am fallen into. Would you be in formed why I am become a skel. eton in three or four days? See now then I have despised my Maker, and denied my Redeemer; I have joined myself to the Atheists and profane, and continued Vol. II. No. 1.

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this course under many convictions, till my iniquity was ripe for vengeance, and the just judgments of GoD overtook me, when my security was the greatest, and the checks of my conscience were the least. Since I have denied that salvation which cometh by Jesus Christ, there is no other Mediator or Intercessor for sinners; if there be, which is he that can redeem my soul from hell, or give a ransom for my life? No, no; "if we sin wilfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remains no more sacrifice for sin, but a fearful looking for of judg ment and fiery indignation to consume the adversary." "There remains no more sacrifice for sin," that is the wound that pierces my soul. CHRIST JESUS was the only expiatory sacrifice GOD would accept ; I not accepting, I would say, I despising this, there remains no other for me to accept of, no other to make atonement and satisfaction for me; there is no other name given under heaven but the name of JEsus, whereby we may be saved, and it is that JESUS whom I have reproached, and ridiculed, and abused in his members; nay, to whom I have induced others to do the same. Methinks your breasts are all open to me, and, in the midst of your pity and surprise, you would bid me hope and believe, and supplicate the mercy I have abused, because JESUS CHRIST came to save sinners, and to bring to repentance. In that I know all your thoughts. Alas, how fain would I hope and believe! Can a man in torments not desire to be freed from them? No, assure yourselves I would upon any terms; but the wrath

of GoD obstructs the power of hoping and believing, and though I would, I can do neither. I know not what some divines mean, who say, He that desires to repent, does it in some measure ; I experience the contrary. A fruitless wish that comes not into act, is no more than a conviction which shall lay such persons under great condemnation. You would have me supplicate that mercy I have abused. Alas, of that I have no hopes, but what depend upon abused mercy! But why said I hopes? I have no hopes! My hopes are frustrated, my expectations are cut off; and what remains behind? Why am I bid to hope and believe? Oh, what mockery is this upon me! To find me in misery, and bid me be happy, without affording me any power of being so! Indeed, should JESUS CHRIST say so to me, it would be comfort; but for you to say so, is the same thing as to bid a malefactor shake off his chains, and assume his liberty; or call up the dead to rise out of their graves, and challenge their estates and honours again. How idle is it to bid the fire not burn when fuel is administered, and to command the seas to be smooth in the midst of a storm! Such is my case; and what are the comforts of my friends? But I am spent, I can complain no more. Would to GOD that the cause of my complaining would cease! The cause of my complaining this renews my grief, and summons up the little strength I have left to complain again, like an expiring blaze, before it is extinguished. It is just so with me but whither am I going?"

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way, and lay in a swoon for a considerable time; but, by the help of some spirits, we brought him to himself again. As soon as he had opened his eyes, he said, Oh, cruel, unkind friends, to awaken me from a dream, in which I had a cessation from my torments!" This he spoke with so lively a concern, that no one could refrain from tears. "You weep," said he, "but your tears come too late. Was I like another person that goes out of the world, it would be one of my greatest troubles to see you weep, or at best it would add to my pains; for he must be unnatural and senseless that would not be troubled at the afflictions of others, especially his friends and relations. But the case is otherwise with me. My cup is full, and runs over already; the bitterness of my soul is as great as it possibly can be in this world; my heart is full of horror and anguish; no grief can add to mine, being so great, that it is incapable of receiving more. Perhaps this may seem a paradox to you at first; but what think you of time, and eternity which comprehends and swallows up all time? Can any one add any thing to the wrath of God, which includes the fury of devils and men; this being derivative from, and independent of that? And can any one add to my grief and torture, who am fallen into the hands of the living God? No, no; reserve your tears for your sins, and cast them not away upon one who is neither the better nor the worse for them." You may easily imagine what impressions this would make upon the spirits of his friends. However, As he said this, he fainted a- in the midst of their grief and

amazement, they had the prudence to think of the reputation of their family, and to provide for as much secresy as was possible.. They therefore conveyed him by night to new lodgings. But he was grown so weak that he fainted away several times in the chair; they got him into his chamber, and to bed, as soon as they could. After a little rest, he yet found strength to express himself thus:

"I am not concerned to know whither you have brought me, or your reasons for so doing. It had been something, if you had changed my state with my lodgings: but my torments are greater than before; for I see that dismal hour just at hand, when I must bid you all farewel."

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The physicians were. sent for again, but they still declared they could do nothing for him; only they ordered him some cordial julep, which, they said, might strengthen nature to hold out two or three days longer, My business calling me away for a day or two, I came again on Thursday morning pretty early; when I came in, I inquired of his friends, how he spent his time. They told me he had had little company; and his expressions were much shorter than before; but what he did speak seemed to have more hor ror and despair than before. I went to his bed-side, and asked him how he did.

He replied, "Damned and lost forever." I told him the decrees of God were secret; perhaps he was punished in this life to fit him for a better. He answered, "They are not secret to me, but discovered; and my

greatest torment, my punishment here, is for an example to others. Oh, that there was no God, or that this God could cease to be, for. I am sure he will have no mercy upon me!"

"Alas," said I, "there is no contending with our Creator, and therefore avoid such words as may provoke him more.""True," replied he, "there is no contending; I wish there were a possibility of getting aboye God, that would be a hea ven to me." I entreated him not to give way to such blasphemous thoughts, for Here he interrupted me. "Read we not in the Revelations of them that blasphemed God, because of their pains? I am one of their number. Oh, how do I envy the happiness of Cain and Judas?""But," replied I, you are yet alive, and do not feel the torments of those, that are in hell."

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He answered, "This is either true or false; if it be true, how heavy will those torments be, of which I do not yet feel the uttermost? But I know it is false, and that I endure more than the spirits of the damned; for I have the very same torture upon my spirits that, they, have, be side those I endure in my body, I believe at the day of judgment the torments of my mind and body will both together be more intense; but as I now am, no spirit in hell endures what I do. How gladly would I change my condition for hell! How ear nestly would I entreat my angry Judge to send me thither, were I not afraid that out of vengeance he would deny me!" Here he closed his eyes a little, and be gan to talk very wildly, every

now and then groaning and gnashing his teeth: but soon after, opening his eyes, he grew sensible again, and felt his own pulse, saying, "How lazily my minutes go on! When will be the last breath, the last pulse, that shall beat my spirit out of this decayed mansion, into the desired regions of death and hell? Oh! I find it is just now at hand and what shall I say now? Am not I afraid again to die? Ah, the forlorn hopes of him that has not God to go to Nothing to fly to for peace and comfort!" Here his speech failed him we all believing him to be dying, went to prayer; which threw him into an agony; in which, though he could not speak, he turned away his face, and made what noise he could to hinder himself from hearing, Perceiving this, we gave over.

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As soon as he could speak, (which was not till after some time) he said, Tigers and monsters, are ye also become devils to torment me, and give me a prospect of heaven, to make my hell more intolerable?"

66 Alas, Sir," said I, "it is our desire of your happiness that casts us down at the throne of grace; if God denies assistance, who else can give it? If he will not have mercy, whither must we go for it?"

He replied, "Oh, that is the dart that wounds me! God is become my enemy, and there is none so strong as to deliver me out of his hands. He consigns me over to eternal vengeance, and there is none able to redeem me! Was there such another God as he, who would patronize my cause; or was I above God, or independent on him; could I

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A PRAYER, EXTRACTED FROM BISHOP HALL'S HOLY ORDER OF MOURNERS IN SION."

O OUR God, thou hast remov ed our souls far from peace, thou hast most justly filled us with thine indignation; for we have deserved that thou shouldest pour our iniquities upon us, and shouldest bring upon us the fruits of our own thoughts, and measure our works into our bosoms, and cause us to drink at thy hand the cup of thy fury; yea, even to have the dregs of the cup of trembling to be wrung out to us, for we have walked every one af ter the imagination of his own evil heart, Our transgressions. are with us and are multiplied before thee; and though we have professed to be humbled under thy mighty hand, we have not cried to thee in our hearts, neither have we loathed ourselves in our own sight for the evils that we have committed; so that we do now justly lie down in our

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