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To stamp their feet upon the ground,
And keep the globe from turning round;
To scale the moon astride a rocket,
And stuff the stars in small clothes pocket :-
And, when accomplish'd all these schemes,
They'll realize their waking dreams,
Of keeping vile sea-robbers under,
Without the aid of cannon's thunder!
I've given you columns oft which treat on The glorious deeds of general Eaton, Though in a proper light to show him Might well require an epic poem.
My usefulness is not confin’d,
To matters of the mighty kind;
But, I can cook you up a mess,
Of heavenly homespun happiness :
Suppose your honour lacks a wife,
The tender solacer of life,
Are smitten with a lady's phiz
Which brighter than a rainbow is,
But, when in her commanding presence,
So much you dreaded same misfeasance,
You never yet have dar'd discover
How most outrageously you love her ;-
Though more than twenty times you tried,
By timid tenderness tongue tied,
Not one sweet sentence could you utter,
Not even one melting murmur mutter;
In our COMMERCIAL ADVERTISER,
In Poet's corner, just apprize her,
That her bright eyes, and Cupid's dart,
Have drilld like honey comb your heart
That, scorch'd with love, in midst of winter
You're pin’d to shadow of a splinter.
Say that her bosom's ribb’d with flint,
An adamantine heart is in't,
Unless she yields her world of charms
To bless her longing lover's arms.
All this set forth in song or sonnet,
When Miss Delectable shall con it,
I make no doubt but she'll surrender,
And make her heart a legal tender.
I hope, your honour, when you marry her, You won't forget poor Tom the carrier. »
Suppose your honour is a merchant;
You'll find our paper, when you search in't,
The finest vehicle now going
To tell you what you should be knowing.
Here's all the merchandise you need,
Hemp, ginger-bread and mustard-seed; .
Sweet lozenges, and lottery tickets,
And pectoral drops to cure the rickets,
Grindstones, fine muslin and molasses,
Tobacco, squills, and opera glasses,
And every article, I'd swear for,
Which gentleman or lady'd care for.
But now, to cut my story short all,
Since I am such a useful mortal,
Your honour wont refuse me, I know,
A little of the ready rhino.
Some little change of any sort,
I'll humbly thank your honour for't,
And wish the generous donor may
Hail many a happy NEW-YEAR'S DAY!
CARRIERS OF THE NEW YORK GAZETTE
WHEREAS, it is the fashion ever,
That we, the carriers, do endeavour,
On New-Year's day to greet our friends,
In lines, which gingle at their ends ;
In nice conformity to custom,
We'll try a few, as we can muster 'em.
Astride our Pegasean hack,
We scale Parnassus in a crack !
Well, having featly scrambled up,
The giddy eminence's top,
We are not much below, if any,
The highest ridge of Alleghany ;
And in a proper situation
To take a survey of the nation ;
Are plac'd above, you understand,
The tip top gentry of the land,
The rich, the proud, the gay, voluptuous,
Of course are all bound to look up to us.
While our quick eye, poetick ranges, To glance at all that new or strange is, We ken, throughout our wide dominion, Vast revolutions in opinion ! Among our democrats, the heads Inclin’d to be, in substance, feds, Although, to save themselves, no doubt, Disgrace of having wheeld about, These artful gentlemen would claim, The privilege of some other name. We hope the time will come, ere long, They'll own with candour they've been wrong, And listing under federal leaders, Reverse their crazy late procedures.
Our president, in last address, cook'd up, I ween, the queerest mess,