if it were to die a martyr, I could do it; or to give away all I have; or when grown up to become a servant, that would be easy; but I shall never know how to believe. In that moment these words were applied with mighty power to my soul,

"Who on Jesus relies, without money or price,

The pearl of forgiveness and holiness buys."

They were accompanied with a light and power I had never known before; and with joy I cried out, I do, I do rely on Jesus; yes, I do rely on Jesus, and God counts me righteous for what he hath done and suffered, and hath forgiven all my sins! I was surprised that I could not find out this before. I had thought every thing easier than to believe; but now I thought the way of believing more easy than any other. A ray of light into the Gospel plan shone upon my soul, and I began to adore the wonders of redeeming love. But, alas! it was but as the drops before a shower; in a few days I lost the power in a great measure,* though not the light of this blessing. I can remember many promises, after this, being at times brought to my mind. Something also of a confidence in the Lord Jesus I ever retained; and when fears would spring up concerning the day of judgment, I used to comfort myself with this thought,―Jesus is to be the judge, and I cannot be afraid of Jesus. But I had not yet learned that lesson,— "Man for the simple life Divine

What will it cost to break?

Ere pleasure soft, and wily pride,
No more within him speak?"

Some time after I had thus by faith "tasted of the powers of the world to come," I fell into an uncommon lowness and weakness of nerves, which was accompanied with grievous temptations. I was oppressed beyond mea. sure with the fear of sin, and accused in almost every thing I said or did, so that I was altogether a heap of in. consistency. This was followed by temptations unspeakably afflicting. It was continually suggested to my mind, I had blasphemed against the Holy Ghost. The conse. quent effect of these temptations on my temper, drew on

She was not favoured at this time with Christian fellowship. She had none to help her in the way of faith.-ED.

me many grievous burdens, and exposed me to so much anger and reproach from my parents, as made me weary of life. It appeared to them that I was obstinate and disobedient; and my flesh has seemed ready to move on my bones, when I have heard my dear mother say, "That girl is the most perverse creature that ever lived; I cannot think what is come to her;" and my heart used to sink like a stone, for I knew not what to do, and the grief of my mind quite destroyed my health. My grandfather and grandmother, who were to me the tenderest of parents, seeing me in such a poor way as to my body, (though they knew not the cause,) desired to have me with them. I grew something better while I was there; but on my return home, I became as bad as ever.

This heavy season lasted, I think, nine weeks; when one day opening my mind to my sister, (as indeed I had often before attempted to do, but could not explain my. self,) she providentially used these words in her answer, "Why, you do not mean to blaspheme, do you?" A light immediately struck into my mind; I weighed the thought over and over, and could truly say, Lord, thou knowest I do not mean to blaspheme. I then recollected that I had heard something about temptation, and often wondered what it was. I thought, it may be, Satan whispers this into my mind, like what we read about Christian in the Pilgrim's Progress, going through the valley of the shadow of death. I then determined never to regard it more, but always answer with these words, I do not mean to blas. pheme, I will acknowledge Christ for ever; and in a few days I was perfectly delivered. I am the more full on this head, because it has been a warning to me ever since, not to be too severe in passing a judgment on the actions of children, whose reflections are far deeper, and their feelings much keener, than we are apt to imagine.

I was now, I believe, about ten years old, and can recollect many comfortable moments in reading the word of God. The promises in Isaiah were, in a particular manner, applied to my soul, and I hardly ever opened the Bible but there was something for me; till one day I heard a person make this remark, that many people took promises to themselves which did not belong to them. Of some, she observed, they belonged to the Church; others to the

Jews; such and such to the Gentiles, &c.; and then began to blame the presumption of those who applied them to their own souls! Such a thought had never entered my heart before. I knew the words were primarily spoken on particular occasions; but the Lord had led me to believe that his word was written to every soul, so far as they were willing to receive it by faith. But, from the above conversation, I was unhinged.* I knew not what

to choose, or what to refuse: so that being cast into rea sonings, I lost my love for reading the Scriptures, and sunk into a very cold and lifeless state. When I was twelve years old, we went to Bath for three months. Here I met with many dissipations, and had, I may truly say, no enjoyment of religion; only when in the midst of the ball room I used to think, if I knew where to find the Methodists, or any who would show me how to please God, I would tear off all my fine things, and run through the fire to them: and sometimes I thought, if ever I am my own mistress, I will spend half the day in working for the poor, and the other half in prayer.

When I was about thirteen, the things of God began to return with more power on my mind. One day my sister, visiting Mrs. Lefevre,† found her truly awakened, and in earnest to save her soul. She told me this news with great delight; for as our parents had no suspicion of her being a Methodist, we saw the Lord had opened us a door into that Christian liberty we so much longed after. At her house we got opportunities of conversation with religious persons, which a good deal strengthened our hands, though we often said to each other, These Methodists do not quite answer our expectations; though our time is short with them, they lose much of it before they begin to converse with us about our souls: the apostles would not have done so. But we must not form our judgment by the rich; let us wait till we get acquainted with some of the poor among them; perhaps they will be right Metho dists, and more like the first Christians.

Sometimes that promise was brought powerfully to my mind, "Whatsoever ye shall ask, believing, ye shall re

*Here again she felt the want of Christian fellowship.-ED.

+ Well known in the Methodist connection, by her admirable letters, published many years ago.

I

ceive:" then, thought I, I may ask all the grace I will; may ask power never to offend my God again. Faith sprung up in my soul, and I was much drawn out in prayer for holiness; till one day speaking of it to a par ticular person, she raised many objections to the thought of all sin being removed from the heart. I felt it as if cold water were thrown on a newly kindled fire, and the wings of my faith seemed clipped. Fearing lest I was wrong I prayed the Lord to answer for himself by his word. So taking up the Bible, with much prayer I opened it, and immediately cast my eyes on these words, "Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is any thing too hard for me?" It came with power; my heart, as it were, leaped for joy; and I cried out, Now I will wrestle, and I shall prevail.

Toward the end of the following winter, there was a confirmation at St. Paul's; and my father desired I should be confirmed. This was a very rousing ordinance to me: for some time before I had felt how unworthy I was of it; how unfit thus solemnly to devote myself to God, by renewing that covenant I had so often broken. I read the order of confirmation, with the ministration of baptism, over and over, and besought my God to give me power to keep the charge of the Lord faithfully. For some months after, every time I approached the Lord's table, I had a very peculiar sense of his presence, and sometimes I felt as if the Lord Jesus did from his own hand give me the sacred emblems of his body and blood.

But the next year my mind again wandered after many things, and though I tasted, now and then, a little of the loving kindness of the Lord, yet in the general I was greatly under the power of my own will. Pride and perverseness got many times the upper hand, and there was nothing in my life or conversation which could adorn the Gospel; but I did not then see my conduct in that light. While our love is small, our perceptions in spiritual things are very dark. Alas! I thought I walked as a Christian; but now that I see so much more of the holiness of God, I also discern more fully the depth of my fall, and am as. tonished that either God or man bore with me. While the carnal mind retained this power, I do not wonder my dear mother should not love me as the rest of her children;

for I was not only more dull and indolent in every thing I had to learn, but I gave way to an insolent and disobe. dient spirit in such a degree toward the whole family, that the recollection has often seemed to draw blood from my heart. How perfectly do I feel these words my own,—

"Sink down, my soul, sink lower still,

Lie level with the dust."

But the Lord did not forsake me. One night after spend. ing some time in prayer, I cast my eyes on a book Mrs. Lefevre had given me, and read these words:

"I'll look into my Saviour's breast;
Away, sad doubt and anxious care,
Mercy is all that 's written there.

Jesus' blood, through earth and skies,
Mercy, free boundless mercy cries."

I saw, as it were, the Father of mercy opening his arms to receive me, and on that boundless love I had liberty to cast my whole soul. I was more and more thankful for my union with Mrs. Lefevre, and experienced in her the greatest comfort of my life.

About this season my ever honoured grandfather and grandmother were taken from us. He was one of the excellent of the earth: his life, in many respects, was remarkable and singular. In his last illness he delighted much in these words, "My sheep hear my voice; I know them, and they follow me," &c. He was aged seventy. nine, and had lived with my grandmother forty-five years, in a union not usually to be met with. He was a pattern in many respects; plain in his dress, mortified in his food, and strictly conscientious in all his expenses. When many dishes were on his table, he scarcely ate of any thing but mutton, and that for many years, because he believed it most conducive to his health. His love and charity to the poor were uncommon. He esteemed it a reproach to any man to say he died very rich; adding, It is too plain a mark he has not made a good use of his income.

One day upon the Exchange, a gentleman who was by him said to another, "Sir John, I give you joy; they tell me you have completed your hundred thousand pounds." The other replied, "I hope to double it before I die." My grandfather, turning short, said, "Then, Sir John, you are