trial presents itself. I rather start back,* and only em. brace it in the second thought. Therefore, I am not so sunk into Christ as to be fully a new creature. Lord, grant me this, and I shall have an incontestable evidence of what thou hast done!

February 28, Thursday.-On Tuesday night, as one was saying, "I do not desire to look on myself at all, I only want to look at Jesus Christ, for when I look on my. self I reason;" I felt it come with power to my heart, and ever since I have felt a farther lift in faith.

April 3.-Last Friday, Mr. Wesley came. It was a time of hurry, but also of profit above any time I ever ad with him before. I could not but discern a great Shange. His soul seems far more sunk into God, and such an unction attends his word, that each sermon was indeed spirit and life. In preaching on the Trinity, he observed it was our duty to believe according to the word of God; but we were not called to comprehend: that was impossible. Bring me, said he, a worm that can compre. hend a man, and I will show you a man that can compre. hend God. He observed, that if three candles were burning in a room, the light was but one.†

Many answers to prayer I found during the season they were here, and though my body is now too weak for any hurry, yet all was ordered well, and we were carried through with tolerable ease, and every opportunity was blessed to my soul.

Yesterday I heard, that dear Mr. Charles Wesley died on Saturday last! O, how often have we, in years that are past, taken sweet counsel together! It has left a deep solemnity on my spirit.

April 11.-Last night I felt a peculiar liberty in prayer, in begging for mercy in behalf of my friends in Switzerland. It seems to me it will be answered through my nephew. He grows in grace, and at some seasons ap.

* We ought to feel a repugnance, yea, "" an abhorrence to that which is evil." But this should be attended with resignation to the Lord. In this abhorrence, and in this resignation, "the mind of Christ," principally consists, and they were constantly manifest in the whole of his blessed life and conduct.-ED.

O that men were satisfied thus to believe, and wait upon the high and lofty ONE, that they might comprehend, in its glorious effects, the doctrine of the sacred THREE.-ED.

pears to enjoy very deep communion with God. O, how shall I praise the Lord for his great goodness and abun dant faithfulness to his poor creature!

May 2.-I often wish I had more time to attend to my diary: such wonderful answers to prayer are given to me as ought to be recorded.

"Why should the wonders he hath wrought

Be lost in darkness and forgot."

May 15, Monday.—It is amazing how the Lord answers prayer. I have written letters, (I may say in faith,) about this preaching house, and have met with success beyond all expectation. If we can but get the ground, all will be well. I do think the whole hundred will be made up before we strike one stroke. On Saturday evening, considering these words, "Nothing shall be impossible to you," I acted faith on the Lord for spiritual blessings,for that fulness I long for. I prayed that I might have the next day a better Sabbath than common, and so it was. In the morning meeting, I found a farther degree of resignation, and entire confidence in Jesus; and in that spirit I passed the day, during which I had to encounter such a variety of incumbrances and trials as were quite uncommon. This encouraged me much. Both Mr. Horne's sermons were blessed to me, and the noon meeting was attended with an extraordinary power. 1 find it best to carry every thing to Jesus, and draw all from him, determined to believe that he who hath undertaken my cause will not leave his work imperfect.

June 11.-For some days I have had a clearer sight of the perfect Saviour than ever in my life before! I was much blessed in considering the type of the brazen serpent. The following observations, as I read them in a book which fell into my hands, made a deep impression on my mind. First, "It may seem strange that a serpent should be an emblem of the amiable and dovelike Redeemer; but Moses' serpent was void of poison, and had no sting, but was only in the form of a serpent. So 'God sent his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh,' but an utter stranger to the venom of sin. Again, it was a method of cure solely constituted and appointed of God. Who could have thought that looking at a dead serpent, and of

6

brass, could have cured the bite of a living one! Especially if it be true, what some affirm, that the sight of burnished brass is naturally pernicious to those who are bitten of serpents; and that to look on the shape of any venomous creature increases the torment of the unhappy sufferers who are bitten by them. So the method of our recovery by the cross of Christ is a device which claims God himself for its Divine author: and thus the whole method of Gospel salvation is, to them who perish, foolishness; but to those who believe, it is the wisdom of God, and the power of God.' Secondly, It was a method of cure that never failed; being no less sure than strange. Not an Israelite died, as Moses assures us, who looked at the brazen serpent: and who were ever confounded that trusted in Christ? Thirdly, It was a method of cure easily put in practice by an Israelite. If he received his wound in a remote part of the camp, and was too ill to draw near, yet if he turned his eye and looked at the serpent lifted up for him, it was enough; he was healed! Fourthly, It was a remedy that might be repeated as often as there was occasion for it. SoChrist is the propitiation for our sins,' to whom we may warrantably have recourse as often as we are wounded, and in every time of need. Fifthly, It was a remedy that proved effectual, though the sight of the wounded person was ever so weak. So weak faith is saving in its degree, as well as strong, because the object is the same." I had such a clear view how all our wants were supplied by Jesus as I cannot express. Yes, he has atoned for all our sins; he has "reconciled us to God while we were yet enemies!" But we must look to, and trust in him alone; and we may look every moment. The following day, Sunday, as also Monday and Tuesday, I had much outward exercise, but was carried through all as in the arms of the Almighty.

July 16.-I was this day led to consider the advantage of living longer, if the Lord should not take me at the time sister Ryan's dream seemed to point out, viz., the beginning of next year. This subject I set myself to consider, lest any murmuring thought should present itself in the disappointment. First, If I should live, it must be the will of God, and is not his will dear to me? It is true, I may have much more to suffer, but is not that suffering

the will of God? Perhaps I can serve God's children, both their souls and bodies; and did not my Lord absent himself from the joys of heaven to become a man of sor. rows for me? Nor is it to be despised if I can thus help my Lord's people by my income. Mr. Baxter says, "Do good to men's bodies, if you would do good to their souls. Say not, things corporeal are worthless trifles, for which the receivers will be never the better. They are things which nature is easily sensible of; and sense is the passage to the mind and will. Dost thou not find what a help it is to thyself to have at any time ease, or alacrity of body; and what a burden and hinderance pains and cares are? Labour then to free others from such burdens and temptations, and be not regardless of them." Indeed, I see it a great honour if I am permitted to sweep the dust from under the feet of the saints. Again, I believe there is a mansion appointed for each, a state and employment for which we are to be fitted. It does not appear I am fitted for the lowest mansion there; but then I know my Jesus can do the work of a thousand years in one day, and I know I may, as my righteousness, claim the Lord my Saviour.

August 5.-Last night I had a powerful sense, in my sleep, of the presence of my dear husband. I felt such sweet communion with his spirit as gave me much peaceful feeling. I had for some days thought that I was called to resist, more than I did, that strong and lively remembrance of various scenes, both of his last sickness and many other circumstances, which frequently occurred with much pain. This thought being present to my mind, I looked on him. He said, with a most sweet smile, "It is better to forget." What, said I, my dear love, to forget one another? He replied, with an inexpressible sweetness, "It is better to forget; it will not be long; we shall not be parted long; we shall soon meet again." He then signified, though not in words, that all weights should be laid aside. His presence continued till I awoke.

August 15.--Last night was the anniversary of my dear husband's death. Three years I have now passed in solemn, awful widowhood; but, glory be to my God! I have found it three years of prayer. Never did I know three years of such suffering, and never did I know three

years of such prayer. Sometimes I have sweet glimpses of the millennial state brought into my soul. At others my way seems thorny, and as if I walked wholly by faith, like my dream of the little star.* Yet I am conscious of a great change: but I want a more abundant evidence that not only many, but "all things are become new." It seemed as if my dear husband remembered the season, for I had a most particular dream. I thought the side of his tomb was opened, (I mean the wall on which the iron plate lies,) and I saw him lying under it, while I lay at his side. We remained so a considerable time, and I felt that sweet, tranquil composure that I always do when he seems sensibly present. He then said, with a sweetness which I cannot describe, "Put thy arm over me and feel what companions I have; they must be thy companions too." I put my arms, and felt bones and broken coffins, at which nature seemed to shrink, but I did not speak. He tenderly answered to my thought, "Thou wilt lay thy head upon me." I felt some regret at the thought of his being there. He again answered to my thought, “I entered this habitation with great comfort and satisfaction." Then I thought two gentlemen came up, and stood by the tomb, and said one to the other, "It is a pity Mr. Fletcher was laid here; it would have been better to have carried him to Mr. Ireland's vault." My dear love looked on them and answered, "There was no need of that. We count it our privilege to be laid together, and we ought to count it our privilege both to rise from one spot.”

August 28.-All this week my soul has been drawn out after that promise, "He shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost, and with fire." Indeed it is a narrow way. I seem fighting with principalities and powers; but, blessed be God, I do not seem ever to be fighting with sin. Yet I am not at rest: I am not entered into perfect rest. I can say, "I wrestle not now, but trample on sin;" but I want what I have not, and which I firmly believe I shall have. Yet when I think death is near, I seem almost impatient for that fulness, that I may begin to live to my God in the full sense.

January 1, 1789.-I feel my soul affected much at the

* See page 99.