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“ Better than daughters, or than sons,
Inscribed with Jesus' name !" According to my usual custom on my wedding day, I have been renewing my covenant to be all the Lord's; and beseeching him to possess every thought, and to reveal himself more abundantly to my soul. May I from this moment be all activity in following hard after God! I am filled with blessings; O that I may be filled with the spirit of praise !
Monday, December 21.-Yesterday was a fatiguing day to the flesh, but I trust the Lord was glorified among us. In the morning I awoke about two, and being afraid to lose the early opportunities, I could hardly sleep after. ward. Between four and five I rose, but was so poorly, I could but think, and offer up my soul in prayer. At the nine o'clock meeting I found the Lord was with us. At half after ten, (as Mr. Walter was from home,) I had to meet the congregation. For an hour and three quar. ters I felt much freedom, and some life in speaking, sing.' ing, and prayer. In the other meeting, (when Sally had taken that of the two o'clock, in which she had a great company and much of the power of God,) I spoke to about twenty young beginners; and, blessed be the Lord, they came forward. A company at tea, and a private meeting in the evening, seemed to break me down. Between six and seven I retired, and for an hour and a half my soul was refreshed by being enabled to look, by faith, to my adorable Surety now “at the right hand of the Ma. jesty on high,” fully set free from all my sins wherewith he had charged himself. I saw him “ delivered to death for my transgressions, and raised again for my justifica. tion.” I had a sweet view how the believer, though weak and feeble, continued thus free. The Saviour “bears the iniquity of our holy things.” How true, how sweet is that word, “ If thou canst believe, all things are possible !" Yes, he hath said, “ He that cometh unto me, I will in no. wise cast out.” My soul rested on his satisfaction with peaceful enjoyment, and I fed on those words of the pro. phet, “ And he shall build the temple of the Lord.” Yes, Í depend on thee, “my Priest, my Atonement, my Inter.
cessor," I depend on thee alone to make my soul and body “ the living temple of the Holy Ghost.”
January 4, 1796.- This year has begun with a solemn sense of eternity on my soul. On the first day we had the covenant with peculiar solemnity, and many were blessed. On the third Mr. Walter preached in my room on, Cut it down, why cumbereth it the ground. It was a precious time.
January 5.-This day I have been fourteen years in Madeley. It seems but as yesterday. What crucifying scenes have I passed through! Yet not one too much. No, my adorable Lord, thou hast done all things well !
April 27.--Reading a little diary of dear Mrs. Yate, has been as marrow and fatness to my soul. It searched me deeply. O how much earnest agonizing do I discern in her soul! And yet she is ever complaining of sloth. O my Lord, what am I? Yet I feel the Lord does keep me more steadily looking to himself. But I do not get into the full rest I want, every moment feeling an all-suf. ficient God.
Tuesday, May 11.—These words were powerful :- They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. But I did not continue on my diligent watch. Some useless thoughts crept in; and though I have been striving most of the day, I seem as if I could not feel as I did yesterday. O Lord, heal me! Thou knowest my unfaithfulness, and thou alone canst make me what thou wouldst have me to be. A circumstance occurred yesterday which I found good. One who came to me told me some things that had been said, which to nature would be grating, and once would have been a great trial. But I found power to embrace the humiliation, and could share with joy his lot who was “ counted a worm, and no man, the scorn of nen, and the reproach of the people.” ?
Considering my various complaints, I see death not far off, and it seems my business, and one concern, to bend all my thoughts that way. O, to awake up after his like. ness ! Lord, get thyself glory on me! I pant to be all like thee!
June 10.- Last night for some hours I could not sleep, having much fever. But I found it a good time of plead. ing with the Lord, that he would glorify himself on me. I pleaded that blessed word, “ They who have much for. given shall love much.”
December 31.-Another year is almost at an end. How is my soul ? Lord, what have I gained this year ? I feel more liberty in prayer, more hunger and thirst after God; yet only in a small advance to what I would be. I feel an unspeakable nearness to eternity, and a deep sense of its importance. O that I may live to God as I have never yet done! This morning pleading that word, Whatsoever ye ask in my name, I will do it, I felt my confidence increase, and can firmly rely on the word of the Lord. I did, and do now, ask such a state of soul as will most glorify my Lord. I ask to dwell in love. It appears to me there can be no witness equal to this. When I dwell, constantly dwell, in the element of love, there can be no room for a doubt. But my hindrance from entering fully into this state, is the want of looking every moment to Jesus. I am sensible I should grow fast if I unremit. tingly kept my eye fixed on him. But since I have more ardently desired this, it seems as if all hell opposed it,* and, as it were, forced away my mind, or brought black clouds between me and my views of heaven. Yet will I persevere ; yea, I will hang upon thy word, believing the cloudless day shall come.
January 4, 1797.-Much comfort I have had in meet. ing the Tuesday class in the morning. They almost every one seem to have renewed their vigour with the new year. O, how did they praise God, saying they had never known such a Christmas! Several of these were, a few months since, strong in the devil's service. They are now rejoicing in the Lord! But poor C. D.-nothing could comfort him. He seemed locked up in dark de. spair, till at the covenant on Sunday night the Lord set him at liberty. On Tuesday night while he was speak. ing, how did my heart leap for joy! O, what an answer to prayer ! On Wednesday morning the meeting was also very lively, and several seem to have begun the new year in the most solemn spirit of prayer. How many of these likewise were a few months ago dark sinners! 0, Lord, we hope to see more and niore of thy power among us.
* The devil knows it is the very thing that will overcome him. It is this alone that will deliver us from that worldly spirit which is the element in which he works. Every thing is little compared to this faith.- En.
March 20.-" Gracious is the Lord, and merciful.” 0, how much of his faithfulness have I seen of late! More and more do I discover how he orders all for us. Some affairs of late have threatened distress to the nation, and loss to me. But the tender care and wise disposal of the Lord was so set before me, that I was enabled to praise him as I could not have done had not these things oc. curred. And he made me to know in the end, that he does indeed make a hedge about me, and all concerning me. O, what a treasure do I see in those words, “I will be your God, and you shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty !"
April 1.--For some days my soul has been keenly tried by an accusation of the enemy, on account of a former transaction in which it was represented I had injured my neighbour. I cried to the Lord to make it plain if it were so, for he knew it would be the very joy of my heart to make amends. Yet I had reason to think it was a snare of Satan, because when my soul was most drawn out in prayer, it came as a fiery dart that I must first inquire into, and set that matter right, before I could expect a blessing—though it was not possible at that time to do any thing. And so it proved. But it seemed whenever the accusation came, immediately some word of the Lord, or some plain answer, presented itself to my mind. During this trial, which was very painful, O what a view I had of my state by nature! What depths of pride, folly, and all kinds of evil, were apparent from my infancy. I can. not express what I saw and felt; but I carried it all to the Lord, and every view, as it came before me, seemed to have the effect of driving me more to the bosom of my God.
April 8.–After the trial already mentioned, I have found a stronger faith, and more firm reliance on the Lord Jesus ; and one day reading that passage in Job xxii, which has so often been applied with power to my heart, I felt it more than ever so; and looking to some of the marginal references in the great Bible, a sweet light shone into my soul. Meditating on that verse, “ Then shalt thou have thy delight in the Almighty, and shalt lift up thy face unto God," I turned to the references, Job xi, 15, “ For then shalt thou lift up thy face without spot; yea, thou shalt be steadfast, and shalt not fear ; because thou shalt forget thy misery, and remember it as waters that pass away. And thine age shall be clearer than the noonday. Thou shalt shine forth, thou shalt be as the morning; and thou shalt be secure, be. cause there is hope. Yea, thou shalt dig about thee, and thou shalt take thy rest in safety. Also thou shalt lie down, and none shall make thee afraid. Yea, many shall make suit unto thee.” In how many particulars is this already accomplished ! But that word, “ Thine age shall be clearer than noonday,” in the margin, shall arise above the noon, was powerfully applied ; which gave me to discern a prospect that my old age shall be favoured with a far closer communion than my noon was. O, my Lord, I see the dawn, but I wait for the Sun of righteousness fully to arise on my soul.
April 18.-Mrs. Walter's death has been much blessed to me. Had I such sufferings to go through, O my God! I could not bring glory to thy cause by patience as she did, unless thou gavest me a fuller change. From the first of her coming to Madeley, I observed in her an earnest upright desire of living to God. As soon as she knew of our private meetings, she inquired into the nature of them, and begged to be admitted as a member ; ever showing by her whole carriage that the language of her heart was,
" Number'd with them may I be
Here, and in eternity.” She had experienced the pardoning love of God before she came into Shropshire in a very clear manner, and often felt a wish her lot might be cast among some peoplo who walked closer with God than any she had yet seen. And when her husband became curate of this parish, she felt a strong impression that her prayer was about to be answered. She loved her children tenderly, and was exemplary in her care both of them and of her household. She had many conflicts with the evil of her heart, yet often telling me what sweet returns she felt in private