should take up the whole of my heart as his abiding throne ! March 20, 1809.-Yesterday was a comfortable Sabbath. The Lord carried me through all the four meetings,* and blessed me with his gracious presence, glory be to his holy name! Reading those words of Baxter, "There is far more procured for us by Christ than we lost in Adam," I felt a peculiar power in it; and while meditating thereon I said in my heart, Then how great may our expectations be! Immediately that word came to my mind, Open thy mouth wide and I will fill it. O myGod, how shall I comprehend what thou hast to bestow! O for more of that sacred violence which takes the kingdom by force! ye March 22.-We had much hurry yesterday, but, blessed be God, I felt great calmness all day. My meditation ran much on that Scripture, He that receiveth you receiveth me; and again, Whatsoever do to one of the least of these is done unto me. This morning, feeling some symptoms of a very painful disorder, I was offering it up to the Lord, that he might do all his will upon me, when I thought of those lines : "The Lord my pasture shall prepare, I felt a power as I repeated them, but afterward doubly so, it was given me as my own. Yes, my faithful Lord, "Thou wilt not suffer me to be tempted above what I am able, but will, with the temptation, make a way to escape, that I may" be able to bear it. I feel an increase of both faith and love. Lord, let me grow stronger and stronger in thee! April 5.-I have lately received some particular answers to prayer. Lord, let my gratitude bear proportion to my mercies! I have been now able to go out for several weeks, and to attend all my meetings, often very comfort. ably, even eight or nine times in a week. My breath is * It seems she had now recovered from her lameness.-En. better than it has been for years; and though my limbs are weak and stiff, I can walk so as to visit some sick who are near to us, and go up and down stairs many times a day blessed be the Lord, who holds all our disorders in his hand, and times them as he sees good. O that I may use all my remaining strength to his glory! : April 26.-Glory be to God, I have felt him working on my soul for some days, and drawing my mind into a more steady recollection. Reading the account of Israel passing over Jordan, I was led to reflect that I had nothing to do but believe, and follow the Lord, and all difficulties would vanish out of my way in spiritual things, as they have done in temporal. He will fulfil all his gracious promises. Yes, my faithful Saviour, I look for the blessed moment when I shall have my delight in the Almighty beyond all I have ever known. I feel a glorious day ap. proaching. Lord, hasten the hour! In order to make the day more profitable, let me consider :-I usually rise between five and six. Then let me behold Jesus, by the eye of faith, sitting on the right hand of God, exalted in glory, yet looking down on me, inclining his gracious ear to my prayer, and saying, "Let me hear thy voice; pray without ceasing. Every one that asketh receiveth." My heart shall answer, O most faithful and loving Saviour, permit me again to throw myself at thy dear feet. Thy mercy hath preserved me this night from men and devils. Thou hast made me to rest in safety. For this my soul doth adore thee! And I praise thee, O Lord, for some degree of health. While many are in racking pain, I am in ease, and have the use of my understanding, and a comfortable degree of sight and hearing; yea, thou hast preserved to me the use of all my limbs and faculties; and here I consecrate them all to thee! O take my soul and body's powers, and let them be at thy disposal this day. I here renew my covenant to become altogether thine; and to be obedient to thy will. Whatever thou shalt appoint this day, O my Lord and Master, give me to receive it in the Divine order! Give me this day to watch every moment, that I may not lose one opportunity of taking up my cross, nor of doing good either to the souls or bodies of men. Yea, let me strive to confer happiness or comfort on every one, even to the brute creation. This is thy will. O do not suffer me to miss one instance in which I might have such an honour! O Lord, grant thy Spirit's teaching, that I may lie at thy feet, and listening to thy voice, have power to obey it. Give me, O Lord, this day, the spirit of recollected prayer! That prayer of faith which cannot go unanswered. And, O my Lord, I entreat thee, by all the mercy and love thou hast shown me, thy most unworthy creature, that thou wouldst favour me with the key of the holy Scriptures! Thou knowest, O Lord, it is a sealed book till thou openest the seals thereof. Confer on me, I beseech thee, that teaching of thy Spirit, that I may discern the deep truths, the glorious promises, and all the sacred mysteries which lead to close communion with thyself! That I may, in my measure, "comprehend, with all saints, the length, and breadth, and depth, and height, of thy incomprehensible love!" May 28.-This morning I was led to look back on the mercies of my past life; and I was amazed to see how in every part of it such tender love had been mixed with my crosses. When in my father's house, though I had many things to pass through which were trials and humiliations, yet when I could get into my own room I seemed to be quite comfortable, and had a continual sense that God would deliver me out of all when his time was come. When I was removed from my father's house, to my little lodging of two rooms at Hoxton, though really very inconvenient, it appeared as a most sweet asylum to me. When I took the little house on the roadside, I thought it a palace! And though there was much, very much, to ask forgiveness for in all those places, yet there were abundant blessings; and I can recollect many messages from heaven in them all. I next removed to Laytonstone. There I seemed in the land of Goshen; and though I can now look back and wonder how I stood under the galling crosses I had to encounter, yet, at the time they often appeared swallowed up in mercies! At Cross Hall in Yorkshire, I had many humiliations and cares, but I often thought that situation better than all the others, and that if the Lord would open me a way to abide there, it would be a great favour. But O, he had some. thing better, far better for me. He brought me through fire and water, to this spot,-to Madeley: and of all my situations, none hath been equal to this. O the loving kindness of my God! I remember in the year 1766, being from home, on a journey with sister Ryan, and under very great trials, both outward and inward, as I was one day in prayer, those words were applied to me with a peculiar power, I will bring Israel again to his habitation, and he shall feed on Carmel and Bashan, and his soul shall be satisfied on Mount Ephraim and Gilead. At that time, and in those days, shall the iniquity of Israel be sought for, and there shall be none, and the sin of Judah, and it shall not be found, for I will pardon them whom I reserve. This was so deeply impressed on my mind, that when after some months' absence we returned home, I looked out, (as well as I was able) the meaning of the words in the Hebrew Lexicon. I now repeat it here, being conscious that at this very time I feel the beginning of the accomplishment. Outwardly it is indeed made good. I am in a most peaceful habitation; and some of the clusters of grapes from Canaan I do taste of, and sit as on the banks of Jordan, waiting to be brought over. August 10.-At present I am under a particular exercise. Some time ago, I found my relations deeply laid on my mind, especially my dear brother William, and my brother's widow. I thought, I have not been faithful to them; and feared, as I had not seen them for twenty years, I never should see them again. I laid it before the Lord in earnest prayer. A circumstance occurred which gave me some encouragement. But how was I surprised when I received a letter that they were coming to see me! They are now here. My soul is drawn out much in their behalf. Lord, I look unto thee, be thou my helper, and enable me to confess thee faithfully before men, that I may not have the blood of souls found upon me! 24.-Glory be to God, I have found him very gracious indeed. All has been as I could have wished, and I had freedom and comfort in our different interviews. I saw the hand of the Lord in every circumstance. O what a Saviour have I! Since that time some trials have occurred which have affected my health. I feel a great inward sinking, and by various symptoms, it seems that the Lord is reminding me the hour is not far off. O my adorable Saviour, give me but to glorify thee to the last moment, to feel my whole will lost in thine! September 12.-Lord, appear in my behalf! I feel my body grow very feeble, and I want a fuller baptism of thy Spirit. My confidence is all in thee; but I want to feel an intimate, close communion. Once I should have been well pleased with what I at present feel; but when death seems very near, there needs a peculiar smile of the Lord to carry the soul triumphantly through the sufferings of that season. Indeed there are moments when he doth assure me, As my day my strength shall be; and of late I have found such help in times of trial that I am greatly encouraged. This day I am seventy years old. Ah! my Lord, how little have I done for thee in seventy years! But I look to mere mercy. My hope is in the Saviour! I have nothing to plead. September 19.-Last night I was restless and disturbed, and as I lay awake I thought, Is not God my strongest desire? What would now give me the most pleasure! My heart answered, “A smile from my Lord." I then thought of heaven, and considered myself as afresh united to my dear husband, my Sally, and my friend Ryan. The thought was pleasing, and raised gratitude in my heart. But when I turned my thoughts to a sight of, and union with my Saviour,-O how superior a spring of joy did I feel! I think I can truly say,-" Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth I desire in comparison of thee !" But, Lord, I am not satisfied. Ah, no; I want such a possession of thy love, such an intimate union as every moment to feel thy approving smile. November 12.-Twenty-eight years this day, and at this hour, I gave my hand and heart to John William de la Flechere. A profitable and blessed period of my life. I feel, at this moment, a more tender affection toward him than I did at that time, and by faith I now join my hand afresh with his. My Sally, and my friend Ryan too,We are one in Jesus. O that I may follow them as they followed Christ! January 6, 1810.-Glory be to thee, my precious Saviour, for the great mercies I have received the last year! O how many striking answers to prayer! I feel also an increase of faith, and begin this year with a more firm |