ing in my mind to go for six months to Bath, Bristol, and the parts adjacent, believing it to be the order of God; and I was not sorry for an excuse to get two hundred miles from poor Mr. ***.

One night, conversing with a friend on the difficulties of my situation, he said, "I cannot approve of your proceedings; I fear you fight against Providence. Here are several doors open before you. If you object to Mr. ***, why do not you accept of some other of those good men, whom the Lord seems to have cast in your way? You stand stiffly in the choice of a single life, and it seems to me, God fights against you in so doing. The end will be ruin. You will be brought to a prison, and all the reproach will be cast on religion. If you build on the former promise I have heard you mention, That the Almighty shall be your defence, and you shall have plenty of silver, I account you no better than an enthusiast. Have you not waited long enough? You hoped for deliverance at the end of the first seven years; but four are elapsed since, and if you wait till the end of the next seven, you will be no nearer." Though his words did not convince my judgment, they pained my heart. Nothing was to me more dreadful than the thought of getting out of God's order. I carried my case to the Lord, and striving to divest my soul of every prejudice, I offered up myself to God, that he might accomplish all his will upon me,— pleading before him, "Show me thy way, and I will walk in it.' But the more I prayed, the clearer the light seemed to shine on my present path; and the only answer I could obtain was, Stand still and see my salvation.

Being one day at prayer about my situation, I thought, perhaps I shall sink lower still. Though Mr. *** believes he shall make much of the business, he may be mistaken; and should I lose more than my estate at Laytonstone and this place also will pay, then I shall have debts I can, not answer; and while there is but a bare possibility of that, shall I eat and drink as if it was my own? Ah! no; let me rather live on bread and water. I have no right, except merely to sustain life, till I receive from God some answer, or see, by sound reason, that all will be paid. I began to do so that very day! But the following night I had a most particular time before the Lord! He showed

me (by a light on my understanding) that all my trials were appointed by himself; that they were laid on by weight and measure, and should go no farther than they would work for my good. He pointed me to the time at Hoxton, causing me to remember how simply I had walked by faith, and showing me my sin in having drawn back from that close communion. That although I did, in a measure, still walk with God, yet I could not say, as then, I live not, but Christ liveth in me.* I had depended on creatures for help, and therefore he had let me feel the weight of my burdens, that I might be constrained to cast them afresh on him; and that when he had proved and tried me, he would deliver me from all my outward burdens. As a pledge of the inward liberty he would afterward bring me into, and that the ways and means of my deliverance were in his own hands, and should appear in the appointed time, those words were again brought powerfully to my mind: If thou put away iniquity far from thy tabernacle-So shalt thou lift up thy face unto God. Thou shalt decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee; and the light shall shine upon thy path. Yea, the Almighty shall be thy defence, and thou shalt have plenty of silver. He showed me that all my perplexities and trials were only the thorn hedge which his love had planted around me, to preserve me from running farther astray. It was a profitable and melting time.

From that hour I began to take my meat again with gladness and singleness of heart. During the above time of prayer, while I was asking light for my immediate duties, it appeared to me best to take Mr. Taylor down with us to Bath; and that from the time I did so, his family would no more be such a burden to me. And truly so it proved. For my sister met me there, and was greatly struck with compassion toward him. She helped him herself, and raised him many friends; so that all the rest of the time the family were under my roof, the children were entirely supported with the help which arose from that journey. I saw much of the order of God while from home; and after six months I returned with thank

The truth was, I believe, she had not that lively sense of it. She was loaded with cares; but they were all consistent with purity.-ED.

fulness; though not without that kind of sensation which a scourged child would have in returning to the rod.

I must here mention a circumstance which, in order of time, occurred some months before. In my deep troubles, especially after the conversation with the friend above mentioned concerning marriage, a thought occurred to my mind-" Perhaps Mr. Fletcher is to be my deliverer. May not that be the way to bring me out of these encumbrances?" But I started from the very idea, lest it should be a stratagem of Satan. We had not seen or heard from each other for more than fifteen years. Yet when striving to find out some way, that idea would frequently present itself before me.

In the month of August, 1777, going into a friend's house who was just come from the Conference, he said, "Do you know that Mr. Fletcher, of Madeley, is dying? Indeed I know not but he is dead. If he hold out a little longer, he is to go abroad; but it is a pity, for he will die by the way, being in the last stage of consumption." I heard the account with the utmost calmness. For some days I bore his burden before the Lord; and constantly offered him up to the will of God. A few days after, another of my acquaintance wrote word-" Mr. Fletcher is very bad; spits blood profusely, and perspires profusely every night. Some have great hope that prayer will raise him up; but, for my part, I believe he is a dying man, as sure as he is now a living one." As I was one day in prayer, offering him up to the Lord, these words passed my mind: "The prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up.' I said, “Lord, I dare not ask it; I leave it to thy sacred will: thy will be done!"

The following thoughts occurred to my mind-If the Lord should raise him up, and bring him in safety back to England; and he should propose such a step, could I doubt its being of God, after such an answer to prayer? Yet fearing a deception, I cried to the Lord to keep me in his narrow way, whatever I might suffer, and felt an unaccountable liberty to ask the following signs, if it really were of him. 1. That Mr. Fletcher might be raised up. 2. That he might be brought back to England. 3. That he would write to me on the subject, before he saw me, though we had been so many years asunder, without so much

as a message passing on any subject. 4. That he would, in that letter, tell me it had been the object of his thoughts and prayers for some years. It came to my mind farther, that should this occur in the end of the year 1781, it would be a still greater confirmation, as Providence seemed to point to me that season as a time of hope.

***

We returned from Bath in the beginning of the year 1778. I found crosses and troubles yet awaited me. Mr. was still my partner, and I was enabled to pay him and every creditor the full interest of the money taken up; but not to lessen the capital. Indeed, all along I was able to answer every demand. We continued our trade some time longer; but, at length, Mr. * found my fears were better grounded than his hopes. Instead of a hundred pounds to put into my lap (as he expected) each year toward the debt, we found, on the strictest account of every grain of corn, pint of milk, or pound of butter, either sold or used in the family, that the farm did not pay its own way; though he had put many things on a cheaper plan than before. The interest also swallowed up so great a part of my income, that it was not possible to keep more than half my family with what remained. As to the kilns, I had neither money nor courage to work them. I thought of many expedients. I strove, I worked hard, I prayed; and at length proposed to the members of my family to disperse, and learn some little business, and I would allow each what I could.

Great affliction now sat on every face. Tears were shed in plenty. They alleged-Till you can get rid of this place you must live here. If you leave it empty the house will be spoiled, and that will injure the sale; and we know not what to do, nor how to turn. After being

twenty years with you, (said one,) how strange will a new situation appear!—And I, (said another,) after eighteen years! And after being twelve years together, (said some others,) how hard it is to part! It was a most painful time; and I saw there was no way, but first to sell the place and then disperse.

But now a door seemed to open-a gentleman sent me word that he would buy the place, stock, lease, and all together. He was a man both of fortune and of honour, and really wished to help me out of my difficulties. The

price which he offered would bring me through all, and leave me a good income. Now I began to look up, and to form a plan for my future life, how to settle myself, and dispose of each member of my family. I gave an account of every particular, and the bargain was in part made. But, alas! our wisdom is folly!-He took a fever, and died in a few days! To add to my difficulties, just at this time my brother wrote me word, that it would be throwing away the Laytonstone estate to sell it with so long a lease upon it; and that it could not with any propriety be done. I now saw but one way-to advertise Cross Hall, and sell it for what I could; and paying that away as far as it would go, strive yearly to lessen the remaining part of the debt by my income; reserving only fifty pounds per year to live on, and out of it to help my friends. But I recollected, that I might not live long enough thus to pay the debt by my income. I had still a strong con

fidence in a promise given to me before I went to Baththat no one should lose any thing by me; yet I thought it was required of me to do every thing in my power toward it.

I then proposed to myself to keep only twenty pounds per year. Nay, I thought, how can I have a right even to twenty? Justice is before mercy. They must all shift for themselves, and I will do the same. I may perhaps find some little business by which life may be sustained, till my affairs take a favourable turn. It is true, nobody calls in their money, nor seems to have a fear concerning it; yet it is my duty to take the more care for them, because of their confidence in me. It may be supposed, as I was daily striving to part with the place, and expecting to turn out, that my thoughts were frequently occupied on what way of life I should choose, as most conducive to the glory of God; and during this season, the Lord did teach me many lessons of poverty and resignation. It seemed to me no manner of life could be disagreeable, if I had but a prospect of having no debts. One day, as I was standing at a window musing on this subject, I saw a poor man driving some asses laden with sand, by which he gained his bread. As I looked on him, a spring of satisfaction ran through my mind, and I thought-I am perfectly willing to take up the business of that man.

If I