to the ground and finding the end moist, they dug with their hands, till at about three feet depth they found water; "We thanked God," he says, "drank, and were refreshed." It was a sharp night; he however had inured himself to privations and physical hardships; they prayed, lay down close to each other, and slept till near six in the morning. Then they steered due east for Port Royal, till finding neither path nor blaze, and perceiving that the woods grew thicker and thicker, they thought it advisable to find their way back if they could, for this was not easy in such a wilderness. By good hap, for it was done without any apprehension that it might be serviceable, Wesley on the preceding day had followed the Indian custom of breaking down some young trees in the thickest part of the woods; by these landmarks they were guided when there was no other indication of the way, and in the afternoon they reached the house of the old man, whose directions they had followed so unsuccessfully. The next day they obtained a guide to Port Royal, and thence they took boat for Charles Town.

Having remained there ten days, and then taking leave of America, but hoping that it was not for ever, he embarked for England. He had abated somewhat of his rigorous mode of life; now he returned to what he calls his old simplicity of diet, and imputed to the change a relief from sea-sickness, which might more reasonably have been ascribed to continuance at sea. Wesley was never busier in the work of self-examination than during this homeward voyage. Feeling an apprehension of danger from no apparent cause, while the sea was smooth and the wind light, he wrote in his journal, "Let us observe hereon; 1. That not one of these hours ought to pass out of my remembrance till I attain another manner of spirit, a spirit equally willing to glorify God by life or by death. 2. That whoever is uneasy on any account, (bodily pain alone excepted,) carries in himself, his own conviction that he is so far an unbeliever. Is he uneasy at the apprehension of death? Then he

believeth not that to die is gain. At any of the events of life? Then he hath not a firm belief that all things work together for his good. And if he bring the matter more close, he will always find, besides the general want of faith, every particular uneasiness is evidently owing to the want of some particular Christian temper." He felt himself sorrowful and heavy without knowing why; though what had passed, and the state of excitement in which he had so long been kept, might well have explained to him the obvious cause of his depression. In this state, he began to doubt whether his unwillingness to discourse earnestly with the crew was not the cause of his uncomfortable feelings, and went, therefore, several times among the sailors with an intent of speaking to them, but could not. "I mean," he says, "I was quite averse from speaking; I could not see how to make an occasion, and it seemed quite absurd to speak without. Is this a sufficient cause of silence, or no? Is it a prohibition from the good Spirit? or a temptation from nature or the evil one?" The state of the pulse or the stomach would have afforded a safer solution.

At this time, in the fulness of his heart, he thus accused himself, and prayed for deliverance: "By the most infallible of proofs-inward feeling, I am convinced, 1. Of unbelief, having no such faith in Christ as will prevent my heart from being troubled; which it could not be if I believed in God, and rightly believed also in Him: 2. Of pride, throughout my life past, inasmuch as I thought I had, what I find I have not; 3. Of gross irrecollection, inasmuch as in a storm I cry to God every moment, in a calm, not; 4. Of levity and luxuriancy of spirit, recurring whenever the pressure is taken off, and appearing by my speaking words not tending to edify; but most by the manner of speaking of my enemies. Lord save, or I perish! Save me, I. By such a faith as implies peace in life, and in death: 2. By such humility as may fill my heart from this hour for ever, with a piercing uninterrupted sense, Nihil est quod hactenus feci, having evi

dently built without a foundation: 3. By such a recollection as may cry to thee every moment, especially when all is calm; give me faith, or I die! give me a lowly spirit! otherwise mihi non sit suave vivere: 4. By steadiness, seriousness, Euroτns, sobriety of spirit, avoiding as fire every word that tendeth not to edifying, and never speaking of any who oppose me, or sin against God, without all my own sins set in array before my face." In this state he roused himself and exhorted his fellow-travellers with all his might; but the seriousness with which he impressed them soon disappeared when he left them to themselves. A severe storm came on; at first he was afraid, but having found comfort in prayer, lay down at night with composure, and fell asleep. "About midnight," he says, "we were awakened by a confused noise of seas and wind and men's voices, the like to which I had never heard before. The sound of the sea breaking over and against the sides of the ship, I could compare it to nothing but large cannon, or American thunder. The rebounding, starting, quivering motion of the ship much resembled what is said of earthquakes. The captain was upon deck in an instant, but his men could not hear what he said. It blew a proper hurricane, which beginning at southwest, then went west, northwest, north, and in a quarter of an hour round by the east to the southwest point again. At the same time the sea running, as they term it, mountains high, and that from many different points at once, the ship would not obey the helm; nor indeed could the steersman, through the violent rain, see the compass; so he was forced to let her run before the wind; and in half an hour the stress of the storm was over. About noon the next day it ceased.”

While it continued Wesley made a resolution to apply his spiritual labours not only to the whole crew collectively, but to every separate individual; and in the performance of this resolution he recovered his former elasticity of spirit, feeling no more of that fearfulness and heaviness which had lately

weighed him down. Upon this change he says, "one who thinks the being in Orco, as they phrase it, an indispensable preparative for being a Christian, would say I had better have continued in that state; and that this unseasonable relief was a curse, not a blessing. Nay, but who art thou, O man, who in favour of a wretched hypothesis, thus blasphemest the good gift of God? Hath not he himself said, 'This also is the gift of God, if a man have power to rejoice in his labour?' Yea, God setteth his own seal to his weak endeavours, while he thus answereth him in the joy

of his heart." "

The state of his mind at this time is peculiarly interesting, while it was thus agitated and impelled toward some vague object, as yet he knew not what, by the sense of duty and of power, and while those visitations of doubt were frequent, which darken the soul when they pass over it. "I went to America," he says, "to convert the Indians; but oh! who shall convert me? Who, what is he that will deliver me from this evil heart of unbelief? I have a fair summer religion, I can talk well, nay, and believe myself, while no danger is near: but let death look me in the face, and my spirit is troubled; nor can I say to die is gain. I think verily if the Gospel be true, I am safe: for I not only have given and do give all my goods to feed the poor; I not only give my body to be burnt, drowned, or whatever else God shall appoint for me, but I follow after charity (though not as I ought, yet as I can,) if haply I may attain it. I now believe the Gospel is true. I show my faith by my works, by staking my all upon it. I would do so again and again a thousand times, if the choice were still to make. Whoever sees me, sees I would be a Christian. Therefore, are my ways not like other men's : therefore, I have been, I am, I am content to be, a by-word, a proverb of reproach. But in a storm I think, what if the Gospel be not true? then thou art of all men most foolish. For what hast thou given thy goods, thy ease, thy friends, thy reputation, thy country, thy life? For what art thou wandering

ways:

over the face of the earth? a dream? a cunningly devised fable? Oh, who will deliver me from this fear of death! What shall I do? Where shall I fly from it? Should I fight against it by thinking, or by not thinking ofit? A wise man advised me some time since, 'Be still, and go on.' Perhaps this is best: to look upon it as my cross; when it comes, to let it humble me, and quicken all my good resolutions, especially that of praying without ceasing; and other times to take no thought about it, but quietly to go on in the work of the Lord." It is beautifully said by Sir Thomas Brown, "There is, as in philosophy, so in divinity, sturdy doubts and boisterous objections, wherewith the unhappiness of our knowledge too nearly acquainteth us: more of these no man hath known than myself, which I confess I conquered, not in a martial posture, but on my knees." What is remarkable in Wesley's case is, that these misgivings of faith should have been felt by him chiefly in times of danger, which is directly contrary to general experience. And now he reviewed the progress of his own religious life. "For many years I have been tossed about by various winds of doctrine. I asked long ago • What must I do to be saved?' The Scripture answered, Keep the commandments, believe, hope, love. I was early warned against laying, as the Papists do, too much stress on outward works, or on a faith without works, which as it does not include, so it will never lead to true hope or charity. Nor am I sensible that to this hour I have laid too much stress on either. But I fell among some Lutheran and Calvinist authors, who magnified faith to such an amazing size, that it hid all the rest of the commandments. I did not then see that this was the natural effect of their overgrown fear of popery, being so terrified with the cry of merit and good works, that they plunged at once into the other extreme; in this labyrinth I was utterly lost, not being able to find out what the error was, nor yet to reconcile this uncouth hypothesis, either with Scripture or common sense. The English writers, such as Bishop Beveridge,