SOME years ago, when the Diana' lay off Lisbon, a party of the ship's crew drew on the purser, and obtained leave to Cruize ashore till dusk, and then return. On their landing, some went one way, some another; but Peter Carey, a fine forecastle man,' sauntered into the city. "I have faced the enemy by land and sea,' said he, to an old woman counting her beads in one of the avenues to the cathedral, but, my good old soul, I am beaten now; where does the tooth-drawer live?" Evidently interrupted in her devotions, she replied, Say your Ave Marias." "Nonsense!" said Peter, "I've got the tooth-ache." Peter, ready to stare her through ;"Where does the tooth-drawer live?"? "Over the way," said she, pointing with her finger," that low house is the place where you will be turned round the pole; but, young man, take care your mouth is not wrecked of its teeth; Gaspar's a rare hand at pulling them out." "Thank ye," said Peter," the very man I want;" and hastened his pace towards the house, which, by the tottering appearance of its exterior, had been many years subjected to the busy hand of Time. The sun, however, shone brightly over the door, penetrating the chinks like an inquisitive and cheerful visitor, forming lines of shade by reflection round the angles and apertures of the dwelling. The emblems of its owner's professions were flourished in the window in no ordinary glare. Herein Peter stole a peep, by way of introduction, then rattled the casement, and knocking loudly at the entrance, he was admitted into the presence of Gaspar Jacques, the operator. "Do you want me, or my good woman?" inquired Gaspar, looking towards his wife, who interpreted his meaning. 115 "Your good woman?" said Peter. "Ay, good woman,-my wife there." "Master Barber," rejoined Peter, "in my country they paint a good woman without a head." "Do they?" "Yes," said Peter, holding the side of his face, and with a dismal grin; “ your wife has a wise head and pretty face to boot; but an end to all joking-you draw teeth, don't you?" "I do, with great pleasure," said Gaspar, "I have drawn thousands in my time." "That is, you and I together," rejoin ed his wife, as she gave Peter a fascinating smile: who added, "Then you are the persons I want ;" and he threw a dollar on the table, and his hat in a corner. Gaspar Jacques, who was a thin, tall, aged man, very scraggy in feature, and very much furbished in wig and mode, and dressed in the half professional costume of a barber and dentist, with small eyes set far in his head, and nose long enough to reach the bottom of Peter's throat, drew his contour into a mournful length, as he swept the floor in the mid dle of the room, while his nimble and prattling wife, pretty enough and young enough to make the green-eyed monster' crazy, held fast the nose of a pedlar, and shaved off his week's crop, with a light hand, near the window. "Take off your jacket, and sit on the ground, my honest tar," said Gaspar,"and I'll probe the tooth." Peter obeyed the order, slipping the quid aside, and conveying it into his cross-barred waistcoat pocket. "Now," said Gaspar, "when you will have finished the pedlar, come and assist in holding down the sailor's feet." "I'll come directly, master," said she, as she wiped the razor over the palm of her hand, and laid it on the shelf with the money the pedlar paid her, and began to hold Peter's feet. 66 Bless you, my love," said Peter, "I wish yeu had a better office ;-hold me tight, lest I should wince." Nay," said the pedlar, "if you're so strong and frisky, let me help." "The more the merrier," said Peter, who was any thing but merry; so the pedlar knelt on one side and Gaspar's wife on the other. With his torturing screw prepared, Gaspar walked behind his patient, as about to do a hidden deed, and grasped his head as he held it upward betwixt his knees, as if it were in a vice, and feeling for the carious tooth, fixed the instrument, and pulled away with all his might. "God be praised!" said Peter, putting his great tail, like a yard of junk, aside, as a tremendous back tooth appeared before him. "Get the basin," whispered Gaspar, proudly; "but I'm sorry this is not the right tooth of which you complain." "No," ejaculated Peter, throwing down another dollar, "try again, master drawer!" Gaspar and his assistants resumed their hold. The instrument being refixed, Gaspar tugged and tugged till he panted for breath, and Peter's eye-balls seemed like his other features, distorted out of their place. At length, with a sudden twist and crash, out came the second tooth, the prongs of which were shewn to Peter with evident satisfaction. "A rare one this! wash your mouth," said Gaspar, holding the tooth betwixt his finger and thumb, and offering the patient some warm water; "then I'll see if your gums are safely closed;" fearing at the same time that his jaw was splintered. This being complied with, Peter was getting up, still inflicted, as he thought, with tooth-ache pangs; Gaspar affirming that, to make a successful cure, he must be indulged with one more trial. "Be nimble, then," said Peter, undis mayed, pulling out his money, and flinging it on the ground, "there, take that in a lump, and pull every tooth out of my head, you'll be sure of the right." But the pedlar, half frightened, and losing his time, rose and took his wares over his shoulder, declaring-"If this is a specimen of British courage, what must it be when engaged with the enemy!" 66 What, indeed," said Peter;" if you don't wait for your grog at the ship, I'll raise a siege upon your wares." dose. Some of his shipmates, who had made purchases of the pedlar, and ascertained where Peter was occupied, crept softly up the pillars of the window, put their hats aside, took a peep at his busy situation, and retreated, with a view of giving him a yarn on the subject when he returned on shipboard. Meantime, success followed Peter's application, and by degrees the barberess so far recovered, as to wear her wonted animating hues of countenance. Peter was so much rejoiced on seeing her rise, that he took her hand, pronouncing his toothache to be cured without more trouble; but that, if it returned at any time, his teeth should never bring a woman again into a dilemma;-he would rather be chained to the cannon's mouth and cause them to go out without mercy. Saying this and persisting in their accepting his money, he shook hands, flinging his jacket across his arm, tipped his hat on-took a swig at the flasktottered over the threshold, and was watched to the turning of the street towards the ship by Gaspar and his wife, praising the generosity and courage of Peter Carey. PHILO-NAUTICUS. LONDON ANOMALIES. BY HUDIBRAS, JUNIOR. Oh! London's a comical place. In which comical people do dwell; Although it seems nearly a fiction, Each street with its name chimes so ill, That the whole is a plump contradiction. First Cheapside is known to be dear; Wood-street is all stones, bricks & mortars Very well," promised the pedlar, In Honey-lane there's not a bee, In Angel-court, Lord, what a prattle! lifting his eyes and hands as he shut the door after him. Gaspar's wife, who was quite exhausted, sat down for a few moments to rest herself, and fainted as dead in the chair. Peter, perceiving it, jumped up like a sailor, began fanning her face with an apron, and held her steadily with tears in his eyes and blessings on his lips. Gaspar, whose feelings were not of the most acute description, but who, nevertheless, loved his wife, bustled right and left for restoratives. But Peter, as if by instinct and custom, pulled a flask out of his pocket and forced upon her a cordial Although Drones there may meet no restric In Orchard-street grows not a tree;- In Fleet-street the coaches go slow; Still-alley is pestered with noise, Which the neighbours all find an affliction. That the New Road is old is quite true, And Hill-street is all on a level; In spite of Mic. Taylor's restriction; In Whych-street folks live any how, In Idle-lane all by their labour; In St. James's lives many a true Greek, For young opulent boobies' affliction; In Rider-street all people walk; In Walker's-court some keep their trotters; In Dumb-alley all the folks talk; In King-street there are treason & plotters. Then, ye Streets, Lanes, and Alleys, adieu! Like your dwellers, you're all but a fiction; For search London life through and through, 'Tis all but a plump contradiction! The Zoologist. (For the Olio). Old Monthly. THE CLASSIFICATION OF ANIMALS. By Professor Dewhurst. CONSIDERING the immense variety of animals which inhabit the globe, it has been deemed expedient by naturalists, in order not only to found a system by which the science of Zoology could be studied, but also that they should be popularly comprehended. Accordingly, the animated kingdom has been divided into six grand classes, well known to the reader, but which I repeat for the sake of uniformity. They are,-. The Quadrupeds,-2. Birds,-3. Amphibious Animals and Reptiles,-4. Fishes,-5. Insects,-6. Zoophytes. But each of these are again subdivided into various orders, genera, species, and varieties. The first class is that which is the most serviceable to mankind, inasmuch as by means of many that have been reduced to a domestic condition, and exist among us only in a state of servitude, we are supplied in our wants and necessities, either directly affording us a supply of animal food, or indirectly administering to our comforts as beasts of burden; indepen dently of those carnivora that range the forest and are a terror to man and all around them, or those who become the unfortunate objects of the chace. numbers of this class exceed almost all calculation, more especially as the species of several genera have been crossed, The and new varieties produced in order to satisfy the wants or pleasures of man.Again, this class constitutes a most essential part of our commerce, inasmuch as the Hudson Bay Company annually import several millions of the furs of different animals, besides those imported by merchants and private individuals,-exclusive of those indigenous to Great Britain, and which are exported to Russia, China, and other parts of the globe. This class comprises the greater number of animals which become a prey to each other, examples of which are seen in the cat tribe. Witness, for instance, the cruel tortures committed by the domestic cat on the beautiful but mischievous mouse-or the tremendous ferocity of the tiger, his insatiable thirst for blood, forsity or provocation; compare the conduct midable, fierce, and cruel, without necesof this species with that of the lion (also of the same order), and observe the nobleness and generosity he displays in the midst of his ferocity. The feline order is the most splendid but ferocious of all the mammalia. The class aves or birds, constitutes another division of Zoology, and is subdivided principally into the carnivorous, graminivorous, and the insectivorous, but the learned and excellent Secretary of the Zoological Society, (N. A. Vigors, Esq., F.R.S.) has placed them into five principal sub-divisions, according to the habits, propensities, or manners of the different genera; and I believe Mr. Mac Leay has attempted a similar arrangement in the insect family. And the fishes have been most ably classed from their anatomical structure,* Most of the mammalia have been classed by Cuvier and others from the peculiar conformation of the animal's teeth and feet, inasmuch as by looking into the mouth of the animal, or the feet, we can pretty well ascertain whether the creature has subsisted upon animal or vegetable food. For instance, if the skull of an animal has no incisor teeth in the upper jaw, but lateral molar teeth for the purpose of grinding the food, and the feet terminating in a divided hoof, we may safely pronounce it to be a ruminant, more especially if we examine the complicated stomach peculiar to the bovine genus. If in an animal with teeth like the dog or cat, with feet terminating in divided toes, and a simple membraneous stomach, that it is a carnivorous creature, who subsists upon flesh; if with teeth like the rabbit, that it belongs to those * The reader will do well to peruse the article by Dr. Macartney on this subject, in Rees' Cyclopedia, entitled "Classification." adapted for gnawing, as the mouse tribe, which is very extensive; and lastly, if the teeth approach in any way like that of man, we consider it as belonging to the monkey tribe. Many others might mention if my limits permitted, but the reader will do well to peruse the Illustrations of Natural History, by Le Keux,Cuvier's Animal Kingdom, by Griffiths, -and the Menageries, by Knight; which will afford him much valuable information on this subject. As man constitutes the head and first order in the extensive class of mammalia, I shall consider this subject in my next Ir was on the twentieth of December last that I received an invitation from my friend Mr. Phiggins, to dine with him, in Mark-lane, on Christmas-day. I had several reasons for declining this proposition. The first was, that Mr. P. makes it a rule, at all these festivals, to empty the entire contents of his counting. house into his little dining-parlour; and you consequently sit down to dinner with six white-waistcoated clerks, let loose upon a turkey. The second was, that I am not sufficiently well-read in cotton and sugar, to enter with any spirit into the subject of conversation. The third was, and is, that I never drink cape wine. But by far the most prevailing reason remains to be told. I had been anticipating for some days, and was hourly in the hope of receiving, an invitation to spend iny Christmas-day in a *Macrobius tells us that the clangorous noise of smiths' hammers gave rise to the science of music. most irresistible quarter. I was expecting, indeed, the felicity of eating plumpudding with an angel; and, on the strength of my imaginary engagement, I returned a polite note to Mr. P., reducing him to the necessity of advertising for another candidate for cape and turkey. The twenty-first came. Another invitation-to dine with a regiment of roast beef eaters at Clapham. I declined this also, for the above reason, and for one other, viz. that, on dining there ten Christmas days ago, it was discovered, on sitting down, that one little accompaniment of the roast beef had been entirely overlooked. Would it be believed?-but I will not stay to mystifyI merely mention the fact. They had forgotten the horse-radish! The next day arrived, and with it a neat epistle, sealed with violet-coloured wax, from Upper Brook-street. "Dine with the ladies-at home on Christmasday." Very tempting, it is true; but not exactly the letter I was longing for. I began, however, to debate within myself upon the policy of securing this bird in the hand, instead of waiting for the two that were still hopping about the bush, when the consultation was suddenly brought to a close, by a prophetic view of the portfolio of drawings fresh from boarding-school-moths and roses on embossed paper;-to say nothing of the album, in which I stood engaged to write an elegy on a Java sparrow, that had been a favourite in the family for three days. I rung for gilt-edged, pleaded a world of polite regret, and again declined. The twenty-third dawned: time was getting on rather rapidly, but no card invitations, and to repent of my refusals. came. I began to despair of any more Breakfast was hardly over, however, when the servant brought up-not a let ter-but an aunt and a brace of cousins from Bayswater. They would listen to and Christmas was not my own. no excuse; consanguinity required me, Now my cousins keep no albums; they are really as pretty as cousins can be; and gloves, are laid on one, it is sometimes when violent hands, with white kid difficult to effect an escape with becomgive up my darling hope of a pleasanter ing elegance. I could not, however, prospect. They fought with me in fifty engagements-that I pretended made. I shewed them the Court Guide, with ten names obliterated-being those of persons who had not asked me to mately gained my cause by quartering mince-meat and misletoe; and I ult have the remains of an infectious fever on the |