randa loved and refpected the man; but then, Oh how fhall I exprefs it; he was, alas! he was a Farrier ;

Amoranda, however, was a good woman, and tenderly loved her children, and therefore, as fhe liked the man and his circumftances, foon laid aside that false pride, forgot his business, and was reconciled.

Amoranda was now in the fortyfeventh year of her age, and having bestowed of her three daughters in marriage, and the fourth having difpofed of herself, thought it was high time for herself to look out for a bed-fellow. She had no fooner formed this refolution, but the became acquainted with one captain Swaggar, and he knowing the widow to be poffeffed of fix or seven thousand pounds, loft no opportunity to ingratiate himself into the dowager's good graces, and getting of the blind fide of her, in fpite of all the remonftrances of her friends, and well-wishers, carried her off and married her.

This captain, upon enquiry, was found to be a difcarded life-guardman; and had, by the recommendation of a friend, got into the militia, where he was a fubaltern officer. The widow was no fooner in the fafe poffeffion of her husband, but the found, if the intended to keep him, she must immediately difcharge his taylor's bill, together with other odd trifles, amounting to about three hundred pounds; this the chose to do rather than lofe her dearly beloved Swaggar, or expose him to her friends, and ever fince he has been reprefented as a man of fortune, and wears, I affure you, his fword and laced cloaths, and has a matter of twenty-fix pounds a year from his regiment to fupport it.

Now, madam, we would be glad to know which you think has the best bargain, or which has made the most prudent choice, the child that ftole a match with an honest man that was able to maintain her, or the mother who fell in love with a red coat, and rather than take the advice of her friends, chofe to run the risque of fpending her whole fortune, in paying the debts

of a lazy coxcomb, who had no one good quality to recommend him.

I

From the UNIVERSAL REGISTER.
On Modern Practic in Law.

AM told it happens very frequently, that the most eminent council begin to plead the causes of their clients almost without having read their briefs, certainly without understanding them. Suppofing this to be true, I will venture to say, and every reasonable man will join with me in faying, that such behaviour is in the higheft degree culpable, and that no station in life can protect that perfon from dishonour, who is guilty of fuch practice. Suppose a client fhould, in confequence of such behaviour on the part of his council, fuffer in his fortune, ought not fuch council, in honour and conscience, to repay whatever his client loses? A poor farrier, who undertakes to shoe an horse, must make good any damage he does by fhoeing him careleffly or unskilfully: It fometimes happens, that a client fuffers alfo for fome time in his character by the fame means; the judge thinks the party has acted wrong, and blames him, because the council do not fhew that he has acted right. It is indeed lucky for the client, as to his reputation, that no man of sense or candour will lay any ftrefs upon what may be said on that head by council, farther than such affertions are made out by facts; and common fenfe and experience declare loudly, that there is hardly a man who commences a law-fuit till he has had the opinion of one or more eminent council in his favour; and if he takes care to have the facts, upon which his caufe depends, fairly and clearly stated to his council, he has done his duty, because the conduct of his fuit muft afterwards be left to his lawyers.

If therefore, when the cause comes to be heard, the queftion shall appear fo plain as to admit of no debate, ar if the cause shall have evidently been con

ducted

ducted improperly, the fault certainly lies among the lawyers, and they only ought to be blamed; and therefore, if it is not prefuming too far, to advise those who prefide in our different courts of Judicature, they ought to be very

cautious in praifing or condemning the parties, without enquiring strictly int their behaviour, left it fhould happen that praise is bestowed upon those who deferve punishment, and dispraise upon those who ought to be rewarded.

T'

HIS is the Seafon for EXHIBITIONS, both of NATURE and ART. The Society's Room, the Sign Painters, the Collection in the Old Stile, all are crowded with Spectators, according to ancient curious cuftom, all the world will come and wonder, because all the world loves to fee every thing. Thofe perfons who really understand, admire; thofe who do not understand, fancy they have flung their money away. Such disappointments too often happening, the Editor begs leave to endeavour at fetting fome folks right (if poffible) when feemingly full of fpeculation, they spy round the Auction and

Exhibition Rooms.

Catalogue Study is not the only requifite, neceffary to the completion of a CONNOISSEUR. There are feveral more tracts proper for the perufal of every perfon, who enters himself as a ftudent in the college of Virtu.

To prevent loss of time, or impofition, we make bold to present our readers with the following lift, the contents of which, we hope Gentlemen, &c. &c. &c. who call themselves CONNOISSEURS, will for the future take care to be furnished with. Imprimis.

TRUTH'S Dictionary of NATURE.. The Grammar of COMMON SENSE. Garretfon's Exercifes of HUMANITY. Grown Gentlemens SPELLING-BOOK. TASTE'S Vade Mecum. PLAIN DEALING'S Pocket Companion. MERIT and ENVY, an Epigram. The Reward of GENIUS, a Fragment. Thefe Eflays, &c. are dedicated to all thofe, who only from fancy prefume to be Judges of the Performances of ARIndeed thefe obfervators will talk very loud, and very Technical;

TISTS.

yet they are apt sometimes (like maids who want husbands) to be too much in a hurry, not giving themselves time to think as they should do about it.

One day, at an Exhibition in Brussels, there was a very fine dress'd Gentleman, who feem'd more than ordinary attentive to every picture, and condemn'd, like a modern Critic, ad libitum. He at laft came over against a very high finished piece of fruit and flowers, with infects put upon fome of the leaves; he lifted up his right hand, and applied his curious Eye-glafs, which was set in filver, and curiously chafed round the rim, on the little finger of the other hand, which bore the Catalogue; he had an antique, fet round with rich brilliants. After he had poured over the Picture for fome time, he exclaimed, O horridly handled the colouring is execrable; was this thing done for a fly ?- -never was any thing half fo wretcheda fly? nothing was ever more out of nature. This fpeech brought a group of liftners about him; then he pointed to that part of the Picture where this infect was executed fo abominably, and on the approach of his finger, this ill done reptile flew away

for it happened to be a real Fly. High and mighty CRITICS, CONNOISSEURS, and MEN of TASTE in ALT. I proftrate myself before the Thresholds, of your Museums, and in reverence to your Scientificalities, lick the dust and ruft of your Medals, Bufts, and Petrifactions. With the utmost fubmiffion to the profundities of your Eruditions, I beg leave to be al lowed to inftruct the yet uninformed groups of humankind (in a Song) how they may become persons of Taste Allo.

To

NE morning, after an Olympic Feaft, HEBE, tired with attending upon her Brother and Sifter Celeftials, during the evening's entertainment, went into Madam MINERVA'S pavilion to rest herself.

CUPID, who happened to be just then upon the look-out, peep'd through the fash window, and faw the blooming Goddess of Health faft afleep upon PALLAS'S Couch. He ftole in foftly; and whether it was owing to the fumes of the nectar, which she had been obliged to hold her head over so often the night before, that he was not quite herself; or whether the evil genius Inclination took an advantage of her; or whether the book of deftiny declared it was to be;-whether it was owing to any of thefe reafons, or to all of them, or to none of them, we will not pretend to determine; but the prudential fcale kicked up the beam, and down with much force went ENJOYMENT and OPPORTUNITY.

From the incident of that night, fair HÆBE made VENUS a Grandmother. Her child was named WIT, according to the eastern manner; because his mother, when he was got, had not her Wits about her.

The Cyprian Queen grew remarkably, fond of her Grandfon, nay, was refolved to bring him up herfelf; but neither MARS or VULCAN cou'd endure the fight of him, which forced her to put him out to board with MOMUS.

As he grew up, he was at first every perfon's favourite; every party of pleafure he was invited to; and it was allowed, that even OLYMPUS wou'd be dull without him.

But he was such a Rattle-head, fo inconftant and fo unthinking, that he affronted his best friends; then he was perpetually talking, and abominably infincere; his behaviour foon became infupportable; he said such things, and in fuch a manner, that not one of the immortals chofe to keep him company.

CUPID, his parent, began to school him--but the Urchin pulled a Picture of FOLLY out of his pocket-the God of love immediately flapped his wings, frown'd at his fon, and few off.

His grandmama VENUS fent for him to her toilet to talk to him; but he immediately repeated to her a copy of verfes in praife of Modefty, and fhe turn'd him down ftairs.

At laft JUPITER thought proper to call him to an account for his irregula rities; but the GENIUS, instead of Се pro

promifing the Olympical Rector to be a good boy, began to fing a medley fong to JUPITER about a Town BULL, and a Lady going a SWAN-HOPPING, and fomebody turning MONEY-DROPPER, and a CAN OF MILK, SIR.

This fo provoked JUPITER, that he ordered him immediately to Earth, there to remain during pleasure; commanding HERMES to fee the mandate put into immediate execution.

MERCURY was very fond of WIT's company; and as to WIT, he loved Novelty fo much, that for the fake of change he preferred Earth to Oympus; his volatile difpofition not fuffering him to be long eafy any where.

He dreffed himself like a fine Gentleman, and HERMES attended him in the character of a fervant; from whence Valets have been nick-named MERCURY. The first place they landed at, was the very spot where OECONOMY lived, who happened juft then to be taking her morning's walk.

WIT had the moft winning appearance imaginable, especially to thofe who were the leaft capable of difcernment. His figure it is impoffible to deforibe; but let it fuffice to fay, that 'every person, who was not too proud, and too infipid to relish Liveliness and Genius, grew immoderately fond of him: no wonder then, that a person fo fufceptible of delicate fenfations as OECONOMY was, fhould be prejudiced in his favour from the inftant be addreffed her.

He was invited to her pavilion; they drank tea together, and the spent the day with him in the moft agreeable têtê a tètê imaginable. After fupper, when they broke up, fhe fent her Steward Hofpitality, with the gentleman and his fervant to her Brother Prudence, to beg he wou'd provide beds for them.

Her Brother lived juft across the river, in a house he bought of Contemplation the Philofopher, who had built it for a looking-glafs warehoufe, where Selflove's cuitomers might fupply themselves. After HERMES and his mafter went away that evening, lovely OECONOMY

began to think of the exceffive pleasantry of her guest, and how highly she had been entertained by him.Nay, she figh'd-it was the first time, indeedhowever, it greatly alarmed her-she rofe up, walked about the room, cou'd not tell what was the matter with herfelf;though it was late, the was not at all fleepy. The moon fhone bright through the folding fash-doors; the unbolted them, and when out alone, walked up and down the lawn, and at last wandered into the grove.

Here backwards and forwards, fometimes faft, fometimes flow, fhe walk'd along; first she was fick, then fhe was well, then the nightingale made her head ach; then the wifhed to hear him-then the moon fhone too bright -then the grove was too gloomyfometimes the was forry fhe had feen this ftranger-then the was very glad on't; one minute the hoped he wou'd not stay long, and the next he had an ague fit, on recollecting that he talked of going away next morning-then the thought it was odd to be there alone, fhe went in, came out again, went in again, and suffered all those contradictory circumstances, which every Lady, who has been in love, can fo eafily comprehend; and thofe Ladies who have not, we beg will fall in love, as foon as they conveniently can, that they may the better understand this part of our Hiftory.