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thers from impofthumes, by occasioning laughter at proper

seasons ? with what readiness do they enter into the imitation of whatever is remarkable in human life ? and what surprising relations have Le Comte *, and others, given of their appetites, actions, conceptions, affections, varieties of imaginations, and abilities capable of pursuing them ? If under their present low circumstances of birth and breeding, and in so short a term of life as is now allotted them, they fo far exceed all beasts, and equal many men; what prodigies may we not conceive of those who were nati melioribus annis, those primitive, longaval, and antediluvien man-tegers, who first taught Science to the world?

This account, which is entirely myown, I am proud to imagine has traced knowledge from a fountain correspondent to several opinions of the ancients, though hitherto undiscovered both by them and the more ingenious moderns. And now what shall I say to mankind in the thought of this great discovery ? what, but that they fhould abate of their pride, and consider that the authors ofour knowledge are among the beasts. That these, who were our elder brothers by a day in the creation, whose kingdom (like that in the scheme of Plato) was governed by philoJophers, who fourithed with learning in Æthiopia and India, are now undistinguifhed, and known only by the fame appellation as the

man-tyger, and the monkey! As to speech, I make no question, that there are remains of the first and less corrupted race in their native deferts, who yet have the power of it. · But the vulgar seafon given by the Spaniards,“ that they will not speak so for fear of being set to work,” is alone a suficient one, confidering how exceedingly all other learned persons af fect their ease. A second is, that these observant creatures having beeneye-witnesfcs of the cruelty with which that nation treated their brother Indians, find it neceffaTy not to show themselves to be men, that they may be protected not only from work, but from cruelty allo. Thirdly, they could at bet take no delight to converse with the Spaniards, whose graye and sullen temper is so

* Fader Le Comte, a Jeluit, in the account of his travels.

averse

averse to that natural and open chearfulness, which is generally observed to accompany all true knowledge.

But now were it possible, that any way could be foand to draw forth their latent qualities, I cannot but think it would be highly serviceable to the learned world both in respect of recovering paft knowledge, and promoting the future. Might there not be found certain gentle and artful methods, whereby to endear us to them? Is there no nation in the world, whofe natural turn is adapted to engage their fociety, and win them by a sweet fimilitude of manners ? Is there no nation, where the men might allure them by a distinguishing civility, and in a manner fascinate them by afimulated motions? no nation, where the women with easy freedoms, and the gentleít treatment, might oblige the loving creatures to sensible returns of humanity? The love I bear my native country prompts me to wish this 'nation might be Great Britain ; but alaslinour present wretched, divided condition, how can we hope, that foreigners of so great prudence will freely declare their sentiments in the midst of violent parties, and at fo valt a distance from their friends, relations, and country ? The affection I bear our neighbour-state; would incline me to wish it were Holland-Sedleva in parte mamille Nil falit Arcadico. It is from France then we must expect this restoration of learning, whose late monarch took the sciences under his protection, and raifed them to fo great a height. May we not hope their emissaries will fome time or other have instructions, not only to invite learned men into their country, but learnei beasts, the true ancient man-tegers, I mean of Æthiopia and India ? Might not the talents of each kind of these be adapted to the improvement of the several sciences ? the man-tegers to instruct heroes, statesmen,and scholars; baboons to teach ceremony and address to courtiers ; monkeys, the art of pleasing in conversation, and agreeable affectations to ladies and their lovers ; apes of less learning, to form comedians and dancing-masters ; and marmofets, court-pages,

and young English travellers ? But the distinguishing cach kind, and allotting the proper business to each, I leave to the inquisitive and penetrating genius of the Jesuits in their respective ciftions. Vale et fruere.

ANNUS

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126

ANNUS

MIRABILIS:

OR,

The wonderful effects of the approaching

conjunction of the planets Jupiter, Mars, and Saturn.

By MART. SCRIBLERUS, Philomath.

In nova fert animus mutatas dicere formas
Corpora-

I

Suppofe every body is fufficiently apprised of, and

duly prepared for, the famous conjunction to be celebrated the 29th of this instant December 1722, foretold by all the sages of antiquity under the name of the annus mirabilis, or the metamorphostiral conjunction : a word which denotes the mutual transformation of sexes, (the effect of that configuration of the celestial bodies), the human males being to be turned into females, and the human females into males.

The Egyptians have represented this great transforma tion by several significant hieroglyphics, particularly one very remarkable. There are carved upon an obelik, a barber and a midwife : the barber delivers his razor to the midwife, and the her swadling-cloaths to the barber. Accordingly Thales Milefius, (who, like the reft of his countrymen, borrowed his learning from the Egyptians), after having computed the time of this famous conjunction, Then, says ho, shall men and women mutually exchange the pangs of shaving and childbearing.

Anaximander modestly describes this metamophosis in mathematical terms : Then, says he, pall the negative quantity of the zvomen be turned into positive, their into to (i.e.) their minus into plusa

Plato

Plato not only speaks of this great change, but describes all the preparations towards it. “Long before the

bodily transformation,” says he,“ nature shall begin “the mof difficult part of her work, by changing the " ideas and inclinations of the two sexes : men shall turn

effeminate, and women manly; wives shall domineer, “and husbands obey ; ladies shall ride a-horseback, dref“ fed like cavaliers ; princes and nobles appear in nicht"rails and petticoats; men shall Squeak upon theatres “ with female voices, and women corrupt virgins ; lords " shall knot and cut paper; and even the northern “people, derivce xumeiv oqevãy :” A phrase (which for modesty's fake I forbear to translate) which denotes a vice too frequent amongst us.

That the ministry foresaw this great change, is plain from the callico-act ; whereby it is now become the occupation of the women all over-England to convert their useless female habits into beds, window-curtains, chairs, and joint-stools ; undressing themselves, as it were, bez føre their transformation.

The philosophy of this transformation will not seem furprising to people who search into the bottom of things. Madam Bourignon, a devout French lady, has shewn us, how man was at first created male and female in one individual, having the faculty of propagation within himself : : a circumstance necessary to the state of innocence, wherein a man's happiness was not to depend upon the caprice of another. It was not till after he had made a faux pas, that he had his female mate. Many such transformations of individuals have been well attested; particularly one by Montaigne, and another by the late Bishop of Salifbury. From all which it appears, that this fyftem of male and female has already undergone, and may hereafter suffer, feveral alterations. Every smatterer in anatomy knows, that a woman is but an introverted man; a new fusion and flatus will turn the hollow bottom of a bottle into a convexity: but I forbear for the sake of my modet men-readers, who are in a few days to be virgins.

In some fubjeéts the smallest alterations will do: fome men are sufficiently spread about the hips, and contrived with that female foftness, that they want only the negative quantity to make them buxom wenches ; and there

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are women who are, as it were, already the ebauche* of a good iturdy man. If nature could be puzzled, it will be how to beltow the redundant matter of the exuberant bubbies that now appear about town, or how to roll out the short dapper fellows into well-sized women.

This great conjunction will begin to operate on Satur-11 day the 29th instant. Accordingly about eight at night, 20 as Senczino Mall begin at the opera, Si videte, he shall 17. this be observed to make an unusual motion ; upon which the Ther audience will be affected with a red juffufion over their ar countenance : and because a strong succussion of the mafcles of the belly is neceffary towards performing this wild great operation, both sexes will be thrown into a profile khanda in voluntary laughter. Then, to use the modest terms Anaximander, pall negative quantity be turned into polita fitive, &c. Time never beheld, nor will it ever assem-linb= ble such a number of untouched virgins within those rob walls ! but, alas ! such will be the impatience and curi-kilia ofity of people to act in their new capacity, that many of mu them will be completed men and women that To prevent the disorders that may happen upon this oc- cas e cafion, is the chief design of this paper.

Gentlemen have begun already to make use of this is conjunction to compass their filthy purposes. They tell de fra the ladies forfoot), that it is only parting with a periheen able commodity, hardly of so much value as a callico un an, no der-petticoat ; since, like its mistress, it will be useless med in the form it is now in. If the ladies have no regard to 10e the dishonour and immorality of the action, I desire they will consider, that nature, who never destroys her own productions, will exempt big-bellied women till the time was die of their lying-in ; fo that not to be transformed will be the same as to be pregnant. If they do not think it worth while to defend a fortress, that is to be demolished in a few days, let them reflect, that it will be a melancholy thing nine months hence to be brought to bed of a bales, stard ; a pofthumous bastard, as it were, to which the quondam father can be no more than a dry nursê.

This wonderful transformation is the instrumentof na idea ture to balance matters between the fexes. The cruelty 4

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* Sket.be rough draugh, or efl.y.

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