of his fatire; and all this he has done just at the meeting of a new parliament. I hope a proper authority may be made ufe of to bring him to condign punishment. In the mean while I doubt not, if the perfons most concerned would but order Mr Bernard Lintot, the printer and publifher of this dangerous piece, to be taken into cuftody and examined, many farther difcoveries might be made, both of this poet's and abettor's fecret defigns, which are doubtless of the utmost importance to the government.

MEMOIRS of P. P. Clerk of this Parish.

ADVERTISEMENT.

The original of the following extraordinary treatise con. fifted in two large volumes in folio, which might juft. ly be entitled, The importance of a man to himfelf: but, as it can be of very little ufe to any body befides, I have contented myself to give only this short abfiract of: it, as a tafle of the true fpirit of memoir writers.

N the name of the LORD,

IN

ry.

Amen. I P. P. by the

grace of GoD, clerk of this parish, writeth this hifto.

Ever fince I arrived at the age of difcretion, I had a call to take upon me the function of a parish-clerk: and to that end, it feemed unto me meet and profitable to af fociate myself with the parifh-clerks of this land; fuch I mean as were right worthy in their calling, men of a clear and fw.et voice, and of becoming gravity.

Now, it came to pass, that I was born in the year of our Lord, Anno Domini 1655, the year wherein our wor thy benefactor, Elquire Bret, did add one bell to the ring of this parish. So that it hath been wittily faid, "That one and the fame day did give to this our church two rare gifts, its great bell and its clerk."

Even when I was at school, my mistress did ever extol me above the rest of the youth, in that I had a laudable voice. And it was furthermore obferved, that I took a kindly affection unto that black letter, in which our bibles are printed, Yea, often did I excrcife myfelf ia finging godly ballads, fuch as the lady and death, the children in the wood, and chevy chafe; and not like other children, in lewd and trivial ditties. Moreover, while I was a boy, 'I always adventured to lead the pfalm next after m.fler William Harris, my predeceffor, who

(it must be confeffed to the glory of God) was a moft excellent parish-clerk in that his day.

Yet be it acknowledged, that at the age of fixteen I be. came a company-keeper, being led into idle converfation by my extraordinary love to ringing; infomuch, that in a fhort time I was acquainted with every fet of bells in the whole country: peither could I be prevailed upon to ab fent myself from wakes, being called thereunto by the harmony of the steeple. While I was in thefe focieties, I gave myself up to unfpiritual paftimes, füch as wrest. ling, dancing, and cudgel-playing; fo that I often returned to my father's houfe with a broken pate. I had my head broken at Milton by Thomas Wyat, as we played a bout or two for an hat, that was edged with filver galoon: but in the year following I broke the head of Henry Stubbs, and obtained a hat not inferior to the former. At Yelverton I encountered George Cummins wea ver, and behold my head was broke a fecond time! At the wake of Waybrook I engaged William Simkins tan. ner, when lo, thus was my head broken a third time, and much blood trinkled therefrom. But I adminiftred to my comfort, faying within myself, "what man is "there, howfoever dextrous in any craft, who is for aye on his guard?" A week after I had a bafe-born child laid unto me; for in the days of my youth I was looked upon as a follower of venereal fantafies: thus was I led into fin by the comeliness of Sufanna Smith, who firft tempted me, and then put me to fhame; for indeed the was a maiden of a feducing eye, and pleasant feature. I humbled myself before the juftice, I acknowledged my crime to our curate, and, to do away mine offences, and make her some atonement, was joined to her in holy wedlock on the Sabbath day following.

How often do thofe things which seem unto us misfor• tunes, redound to our advantage! for the minifter (who had long looked on Sufanna as the most lovely of his parishioners) liked fo well of my demeanour, that he recommended me to the honour of being his clerk, which was then become vacant by the deceate of good master William Harris.

Here ends the first chapter; after which follow fifty

or

or fixty pages of his amours in general, and that particular one with Sufanna his prefent wife; but I proceed to chapter the ninth.

No fooner was I elected into mine office, but I layed afide the powdered gallantries of my youth, and became a new man. I considered myfelf as in fome wife of ecclefiaftical dignity, fince by wearing a band, which is ne fmall part of the ornament of our clergy, I might not unworthily be deemed, as it were, a fhred of the linen

vestment of Aaron,

Than mayeft conceive, O reader, with what concern I perceived the eyes of the congregation fixed upon me,when I first took my place at the feet of the Priest. When I raifed the pfalm, how did my voice quaver for fear! and when I arrayed the shoulders of the minister with the furplice, how did my joints tremble under me! I faid within myfelf, "Remember, Paul, thou ftandeft before "men of high worship, the wife Mr. Jaftice Freeman, "the grave Mr. Justice Thompson, the good Lady Jones, "and the two virtuous gentlewomen her daughters; nay, "the great Sir Thomas Truby, Knight and Baronet, and

my young mafter the Efquire, who thall one day be "Lord of this inanor. Notwithstanding which, it was my good hap to acquit myself to the good liking of the whole congregation; but the Lord forbid I should glory therein.

The next chapter contains an account how he discharged the feveral duties of his office; in particular he infifts on the following:

I was determined to reform the manifold corruptions and abuses, which had crept into the church.

First, I was especially fevere in whipping forth dogs from the temple, all excepting the lap-dog of the good widow Howard, a fober dog which yelped not, nor was there offence in his mouth.

Secondly, I did even proceed to morofenefs, though fore against my heart, unto poor babes in tearing from them the half eaten apples, which they privily munched

at

at church.

But verily it pitied me, for I remembered the days of my youth.

Thirdly, With the sweat of my own hands, I did make plain and smooth the dogs ears throughout our great bible.

Fourthly, The pews and benches, which were formerly swept but once in three years, I caused every Saturday to be fwept with a befom and trimmed.

Fiftly and laftly, I caufed the furplice to be neatly darned, washed, and laid in fresh lavender (yea, and fometimes to be sprinkled with rofe-water), and I had great laud and praife from all the neighbouring clergy, forasmuch as no parish kept the minifter in cleaner linen.

Notwithstanding thefe his public cares, in the eleventh chapter he informs us, he did not neglect his ufual occupations as a bandy-craft/man.

Shoes, faith he, did I make (and, if intreated, mend) with good approbation. Faces alfo did I fhave, and I clipped the hair. Chirurgery alfo I practifed in the worm. ing of dogs; but to bleed adventured I not, except the poor. Upon this my twofold profeffion there paffed, a mong men a merry tale, delectable enough to be rehear fed how that, being overtaken in liquor one Saturday e vening, I faved the priest with Spanish blacking for fhoes instead of a wash-ball, and with lamp black powdered his peruke. But thefe were fayings of men, delighting in their own conceits more than in the truth. For it is well. known, that great was my skill in these my crafts; yea I had once the honour of trimming Sir Thomas himsel, without fetching blood. Furthermore, I was fought uuto. to geld the Lady Francis her spaniel, which was wont to go aftray he was called Toby, that is to fay, Tobias. And thirdly, I was intrufted with a gorgeous pair of fhoes of the faid Lady to fet an heel-piece thereon; and I received fuch praife therefore, that it was faid all over theparish, I fhould be recommended unto the King to mend. fhoes for his Majefty: whom God preferve! Amen.

The rest of this chapter I purposely omit; for it must ke owned, that when he speaks as a fhoemaker, he is very

abfurd.