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" that he himlelf was more fil for a bully than a trader. " man, and went about through all the country-fairs “ challenging people to light prizes, wrestling and cul“ gel.play; and abundance more to this purpose.”
CH A P. V.
The true charaters of John Bull, Nic. Frog, and
OR the better understanding the following listory,
the reader ought to know, that Buil, in the main, was an honest plain-dealing fellow, choleric, bold, and of a very unconstant temper; he dreaded not old Lewis either at back-fivord, single faulchion, or cudgel play ; but then he was very apt to quarrel with his best friends, especially if they pretended to govern him : if you flattered himn you might lead bim like a child.
John's temper depended very much upon the air ; his spirits rose and fell with the weather-glass. John was quick, and understood bis business very well; but no man alive was more careless in looking into his accounts, or more cheated by partners, apprentices, and firvants. This was occasione ed by his being a boon companion, loviog his bottle and his diversion ; for, to fly trutii, no man kept a better houle than John, nor spent his money more generously. By plain and fair dealing Jobu had acquired some plumbs, and might have kept them, had it not been for his unhappy law fuit.
Nic. Frog was a cunning fly whoreson, quite the reverse of John in many particulars ; covetous, frugal; minded domestic affairs; would pinch kis belly to save his pocket ; never loft a farthing by carelets servants, or bad debtors. He did not care much for any lort of diversions, except tricks of high german artists, and leger-demain : no man exceeded Nic. in these ; yet it must be owned that Nic, was a fair dealer, and in that way acquired immense riches.
Hocus was an old cupping attorney; and though this was the first cooliderable suit that ever he was engaged in, he shewed bimself fupcrior in address to most of his
profellion : he kept always good clerks, he loved ones, was fmooth-tongued, gave good words, and feldon lost his temper: he was not worse than an infidel, for he vided plentifully for his family ; but he lored himelt better than them all: the neighbours reported, thet lie was hen.peaked; which was impossible by such a wild fpirited woman as his wife was.
CI A P. VI.
Of the various fuccefs of the lau suit.
py, thut devours every thing. John Bull was flito tered by the lawyers, that his fuit would not lait above a year or two at nioft ; that before that tiine le vould le in quiet poffeflion of his business : yet tea long years did Hocus steer liis caufe through all the meanders of the Jaw, and all the courts. No skill, no address was want, ing; and, to lay trulli, John did not starve his cause ; there wanted not yellowy bo;s to fee council, lire witner. ses; and bribe juries : Lord Strutt was generally cast, neverrhad one verdict in his favour ; * and John was promiled that the next, and the next would be a final de. termination ; but alas ! that final determination and hapry conclufion was like an inchanted island, the nearer John came to it, the further it went from lim : new trials upon new points still aroe; sew doubes, vew matters to be cleared; in mort, lawyers feldom part with so good a cause till they have got the oyster, and their clients the fhell. John's reidy money, book. debts, bonds, morigages, all went into the lawyers pockets: then Jolin began to borrow money upon Bank-stock and East-India bonds ; now and then a farm went to pot : at last
* The war was carried on against France and Spain with great success, and a peace might have been concluded upon the pain. ciples of the alliance; but a partition of the Spanish dominions
favour of the house of Austria, and an engagement that the fame person mhould never be king of France and Spain, were not now thought fufficient.
it was thought a good expedient to set up Esquire South's title *, to prove the will forged, and dispoffefs Philip Lord Sirutt at once. Here again was a new field for thie lawyers, and the cause grew more intricate than ever. Jolie grew madder and in:dder; where ever he met ang of Loid Sirutt's servants, he tore off their cloaths : now and then you would see them come lome vaked, without Inocs, stockings, or linen. As for old Lewis Baboon, he was reduced to his last fift, though he had as many as any other: his children were reduced from rich folks 10 Doily stuffs, his servants in rags, and bare footed ; io. stead of good victuals, they now lived upon neck beef, and bullock's liver : in short, no.body got much by the malta:, but the men of law,
CH A P. VII.
Hew Jehn Bull was so mightily pleased with his success
, chut he was going to leave of his trade, and tury jaw; er.
bit is a fécond nature : this was verified in the cafe of Joba Bull, who, froin an honest and plain trade linan, haut got such a haunt about the courts of justice, and fuck
jorgon of law words, that he concluded him felf as able a lawyer as any that pleaded at the bar, or fact on the bench: he was overheird one day talking to himself affer this manner. “ How capricioufly + docs fate or chance “ dispose of mankind ? How feldom is that bulinets at" lotted to a man, for which he is fitted by nature? It " is plain, I was intended for a man of law : how did
iny guardians mistake my genius in placing me, like a " mean slave, behind a counter! Bless me! what im“ imense estates these fellows raise by the law ? Belizes,
* It was in fisied, that the will in favour of Philip was concrary to trcary; and there was a parliamentary declaration for Continuing the war, till he should be dethroned.
† The manners and feniinents of the nation became extra. vigoint and chinerical.
" it is the profellion of a gentleman. What a pleasure " is it to be victorious in a cause ? to fwagger at the bar? " What a fool am I to drudge any more in this woollen • trade? for a lawyer I was born, and a lawyer I will “ be; one is never too old to learn." All this while Joha had conned over such a catalogue of hard words, as were enough to conjure up the devil; these he used to babble indifferently in all companies, especially at coffee houses ; fo that his neighbour tradelinen began to shun his conipany as a inan that was cracked. Instead of the affairs of Black. well-hall, and price of broad.cloath, wool and bayses, he talks of nothing but actions upon the case, returns, capias, alias capias, demurrers, venire facias, replevins, fuper, sedeas's, certioruri's, writs of error, actions of trover and conversion, trespaffes, precipe's and dedimus. This was matter of jest to the learned in law ; however, Hocus, and the rest of the tribe, encouraged Johu in his fancy, assuring him, that he had a great genius for law; that they questioned not, but in time they might raise money enough by it to reimburse him all his charges; that if he studied, he would undoubtedly arrive to the dignity of a Lord chief Justice *:. as for the advice of honelt friends and neighbours, John despised it ; he looked upon them as fellows of a low genius, poor groveling me. chanics ; Joho reckoned it inore honour to have got one favourable verdict, than 10 have fold a bale of broad: cloath. As for Nic. Frog, to say the truth, he was more prudent ; for though he followed his law.luit closely, lo beglected not his ordinary business, but was both in court and in his shop at the proper hours..
* Hold the balance of power..
CH A P. VIII.
How Jolin discovered, that Hocus had an intrigue with
bis wife; and what followed thereupon. OHN had not run on a.madding so long, had it not been for an extravagant
bitch of a wife, whom Hocus perceiving John to be fond of, was resolved to win over to his side. It is a true saying, that the last man of the parish, that knows of his cuckoldom, is himself. It was observed by all the neighbourhood, that Hocủs had dealings with Johu's wife * that were not so much for liis honour; but this was perceived by John a little too late : she was a luxurious jade, loved splendid equipages, plays, treats and balls, differed very inuclr from the fober manners of her ancestors, and by no means fit for å tradel: man's wife. Hocus:fed her extravigancy (wbat was still more shameful). with John's own money. Every body faid, that Hocus liad a month's mind to her body ; be that as it will, it is matter of fact, that upon all occa. fions she run out extravagantly on the praise of Ho
When John used to be finding fault with his bills, the used to reproach him as ungrateful to his greatest benef cor; one that bad taken so much pains in his law-fuit, and retrieved his family from the oppreffion of old Lewis Baboon. A good swinging sum of John's readiest cash went towards building of Hocus's country houfe t.' This affair between Hocus and Mrs. Bull was now so open, that all the world were fcandalized at it ; John was not so clod-pated, but at last he took the bint. The parfon of the parish preached one day with more
* And it was believed, that the General tam pered with the parliament,
† Who settled upon him the mannor of Woodstock, and afterwards entailed that, with sooo l. per annum, payable out of the post-office, to descend with his honours; over and above this an immense fum was expended in building Blenheim-house. About this time (Nov. 6. 1709.)
# Dr. Henry Sacheverel preached a fermon against popular re. fiftance of regal authorisy.