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be affirmed that it was a gross mistake, and that she was dever in a fairer way: bring bither the salve, says he, and give her a plentiful draught of my cordial. As he was applying his ointments, and administering the cordial, the patient gave up the ghost, to the great contution of the quack, and the great joy of Bull and his friends. The quack flung away out of the house in great
disorder, and wore there was to play, for he was sure his medi
were intall ble. ...5 Bull having died without any figns of repentance or devotion, the clergy would hardly allow her a Christian burial. The relations had once refolved to fue John for the murder, but considering better of it, and that such a trial would rip up old sores, and discover things not so much to the reputation of the decea. fed, they dropt their designs. She left no will, only there was found, in her strong box, the following words, wrote on a fcrip of paper, My curse on john Bull, and all my pofterity, if ever they come to any composition with the Lord Strutt.
She left him three daughters, whose oames were Polemia, Discordia, and Uturia *.
C H A P. X.
of John Bull's second wife, ard the good advice that Me
gave him t. Jon OHN quickly got the better of his grief, and seeing
that neither his cocstitution, or ile affairs of l.is ta. mily could pernil lini to live in an unmarried state, he resolved to get him another wife ; a cousin of his latt wife's was proposed, but John would bare no more of the breed: in short, he wieddel a loler country fentle, woman, of a good family, and a plentiful fortune, the reverse of the other in her temper; not but that the lo. ved money; for she was faving and applied ler fortune to pay John's clamorous debts, that the upfrugal methods ot his last wite, and this ruinous law.fuit, bad brought
* War, faction, and usury.
him into. One day, as she had got her husband in a good humour, she talked to bim atier the following man.
“ My dear *, since I have been your wife, I have “ observed great abules and disorders in your family; your servants are mutinous and quarrelsome, and cheat
$ you moit abominably ; your cook.maid is in a combi“ nation with your butcher, poulterer, and fith-monger :
your butler parloins your liquor, and tlie brewei lells
your hogwah; your baker cheats both in weight and “ in tale; even your milk-woman and your nurfiry.maid
1 “ bave a fellow feeling ; your tai:or, in tead of shreads, “cabages whole yards of cloath; bifides, leaving fuch “ long scores, and not going to market with ready mo. ney,
forces us to take bad ware of the tradelinen at "6, their own price. You have not polted your books “ these ten years; how is it possible for a man of busi. “ nels to keep his affairs even in the world at this rate? “ Pray God this Hocus be honest : would to God you “ would look over his bills, and see how matters ftand “ between Frog and vou t: prodigious fums are spent “ in this law-fuit, and more must be borrowed of lori. veners and ulurers at heavy interest.
B. Gdes, my “ dear, let me beg of you to lay aside that wild project “ of leaviog your business to turn lawyer, for which, let
you, nature never designed you. Believe me; " thefe rogues do but flatter, that they may pick yout " pocket ; oblerve whit a parcel of hungry ragged tule “ lows live by your cause : to be sure they will never. " make an end of it; I forefee this haunt you
got " about the courts, will one day or another bring your “ family to beggary. Consider, my dear, how indecent " it is to abandon your shop, and follow pettifoggers ; “ the habit is so strong upon you, that there is hardly
a plea between two country esquires about a barren :
acre upon a common, but you draw yourself in as bail, “ surety or follicitor | Jobu heard her all this while
a representation of the mismanagement in the several offices, particu larly. those for victualing and clothing the navy and
+ and of the fums that had been expended on the war,
with patience, till the pricked lis maggot, and touched bion in the tender point; then be broke out into a violent pallion, “What! I not fit for a lawyer ! let me tell
you, my clod-paled relations spoiled the greatest geni“ us in the world, when they bred me a mechanic. Lord
Strutt, and his oid rogue of a grandäre, have found, to their cost, that I can manage a law-fuit as well as
another.' “ I do not deny what you say,” replied Mrs Buli, " nor do I call in question your parts ; but, " say, it does not suit with circumstances :
and your predecessors have lived in good reputation among “ your neighbours by the fame cioathing trade, and it
were madness to leave it off. Besides, there are few " that know all the tricks and cheats of these lawyers ; “ does not your own experience reach you, how they " have drawn you on trom one term to another, and "s how you have danced the round of all the courts, ftill
Aattering you with a final issue, and, for ought I can " fee, your caule is not a bit clearer than it was seven
years ago. " I will be danned, lays John, it I ac
cept of any composition from Strutt, or his grand" father; I will rather wheel about the streets an engine " to grind knives and fcisfars ; however, I will take
your advice, and look over my accounts.”
How John looked over his attorney's bill. 7 HEN John fist brought out the bills, the furprize
of all the family was inespresible at the prodi. gious dinensions of them; they would have measured with the best bale of cloath in John's shop. Fees to judges, puny judges, clerks, prothonotaries, philizers, chirographers, under-clerks, proclamators, counul, witnesies, jury.inen, marshals, tipstaffs, cryers, porters ; for (ne to'lings, exemplifications, bails, vouciers, returns, Cao vells, examinations, filings of writs, enteries, declaratioas, replications, recordats, :oli profequi's, certiorari's, multimus's, demurrers, special verdicis, informations, Seire facias, fuperfideas, habeas corpus, coacl.-bire, teating of witnesses, &c. “Verily," says Jeslin, “there are
a prodigious oumber of learned words in this law ; “ what a pretty science it is !” “Ay! but husband, you
have paid for every tyllable and letter of thele “ fine words; bless me, what iminente furns are at " the bottom of the account !" Johu spent several weeks in looking over his bills, and, by comparing and Itating his accounts, he discovered, that, belides the extra. vagance of every article, be had been egregiously cheat. ed; that he had paid for council that were never fee'd, for writs that were never drawn, for dinners that were never dressed, and journeys that were never made : in short, that the tradesmen, lawyers, and Frog, had agreed to throw the burden of the law-suit upon his shoulders.
CH A P. XII.
How John grew angry, and resolved to accept a compo
sition *, and what methods were practised by the law. yers for keeping him from it. W
ELL might the learned Daniel Burgess firy, that
a law-fuit is a fuit for life. He that fows his grain upon marble, will have many hungry belly before harvest. This Johu felt by woeful experience. John's cause was a good milk.cow, and many a man fubfiited his family out of it. However, John began to think it liigh tiine to look about hin. He had a coulin in the country, one Sir Roger Buld t, whose predecessors had been bred
to the law, and knew as inuch of it as any boo dy; but having left off the proteslion for some time, they took great pleasure in compounding law.fuits among their neighbours, for which they were the aversion of the gen. tleinen of the long robe, and at perpetual war with all the country altorneys. John put bis cause io Sir Roger's
* When at length peace was thought to be eligi'sle upon more moderate terms, a treaty was entered into by
+ Robert Harley, afterwards E. of Oxford, who was made treasurer in the stead of the Lord Godolplin, and there was now not only a new parliament, but a new ministry.
bands, desiring hiin to make the best of it: the news had do sooner reached the ears of the lawyers, but they were all in an uproar. They brought all the rest of the tradel. men upon John: 'Squire South * swore he was betrayed, that he would starve before le compounded ; Frog laid he was highly wronged; even lying Ned the chimneyfweeper, and Tom the dustman, complained, that their interest was sacrificed. The lawyers, solicitors, Hocus, and his clerks, were all up in arms, at the neu's of the composition t; they abused him and his wife most lhamc. fully. “ You filly, aukward, ill-bred, country.fow,
quoth one, have you no more manners than to rail at « Hocus, that has saved that cledpated numskulled nive
ny-hammer of yours from -ruin, and all his family? or It is well known, how he has rose early and sat up late " to make him easy, when be was forting at every ale-house in town. I knew his last wife ; she was a woman “ of breeding, good humour, and complaisance; krew “ how to live in the world : as for you, you look like a
puppet moved by 'clock-work; your cloaths hang upon you, as they were upon tenter-books, and you
into a room as if you were going to steal away a u piss-pot: get you gone into the country to look after
your mother's poultry, to milk the cows, churn the " butter, and dress up nolegays for a holy-day, and not " middle with matters, which you know no more of « than the sign-polt before your door : it is well known, " that Hocus had an established reputation ; he never 6. swore an oath, nor told a lie in all his life; he is grate« full to his benefactors, faithful to his friends, liberal “ to his dependants, and duriful to his superiors; he * values not your money more than the dust under his 6 feet, but he hates to be abused. Once for all, Mrs “ Mynx, leave off talking of Hocus, or I will pull out " those saucer eyes of yours, and make that red streak W country face look as raw as an ox-check upon a butch“ er's stall : remember, I say, that there are 'pillorics " and ducking stools.” With this away they dung,
* The measure was opposed by the allies and the general.
+ The house of commons was ccnsured as totally ignorant of business. VOLV,