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ing of witnesses, vc. “Verily," says John, “there are
a prodigious number of learoed words in this law ; « what a pretty science it is !" “Ay! but husband, " you have paid for every tyllable and letter of thelé “ fine words; bless me, what iminente fuins are at “ the bottoin of the account !" Joho spent several weeks in looking over his bills, and, by comparing and Itating his accounts, he discovered, that, besides the extra. vagance
every article, he had been egregiously cheat. ed; that he had paid for council that were never fee'd, for writs that were never drawn, for dinners that were never dressed, and journeys that were never made : in short, that the tradelinen, lawyers, and Frog, had agreed to throw the burden of the law-luit upon his shoulders.
CH A P. XII.
How John grew angry, and resolved to accept a compo
sition *, and what methods were practised by the law. yers for keeping him from it.
ELL might the learned Diniel Burgess firy, that
a law-fuit is a fuit for life. He that fows his grain upon marble, will have many hungry belly before harvest. This John felt by woeful experience. John's cause was a good milk.cow, and many a man fubfiited his family out of it. However, Joho began to think it ligh tiine to look about hin. He had a coulin in the country, one Sir Roger Buld t, whose predecessors had been bred up to the law, and knew as much of it as any bor dy; but having left off the proteslion for some time, they took great plealure in compounding law.fuits among their neighbours, for which they were the aversion of the gen. tleinen of the long robe, and as perpetual war with all the country attorneys. John put his cause io Sir Roger's
* When at length peace was thought to be eligible upon more moderate terms, a treaty was entered into by
+ Robert Harley, afterwards E. of Oxford, who was made treasurer in the stead of the Lord Godolphin, and there was now not only a new parliament, but a new ministry.
bands, deliring him to make the best of it: the news had Do sooner reached the ears of the lawyers, but tlicy were all in an uproar. They brought all the rest of the tradel: men upon John: 'Squire South * swore he was betrayei, that lie would starve before he compounded ; Frog laid he was highly wronged ; even lying Ned the chimneyfweeper, and Tom the duftman, coinplained, that their -interest was facrificed. The lawyers, solicitors, Hocus, and his clerks, were all up in arms, at the news of the composition t; they abused him and his wife most thamc
“ You lilly, aukward, ill-bred, country.fow, “ quoth one, have you no more manners than to rail at « Hocus, that has laved that cledpated numkulled nine
ny-hammer of yours from ruin, and all his family? or It is well known, how he las rofe early and fat up late “ to make him easy, when be was fotting at every ale" house in town. I knew his last wife ; the was a woman “ of breeding, good humour, and complaisance; krew “ how to live in the world : as for you, you look like a
puppet moved by clock-work; your cloaths hang upon you, as they were upon tenter-books, and you
come into a room as if you were going to steal away a “ piss-pot : get you gone into the country to look after
your mother's poultry, to milk the cows, churn the " butter, and drels up nosegays for a holy day, and not " middle with matters, which you know no more of * than the sign-post before your door : it is well known, " that Hocus had an established reputation ; he never ". swore an oath, por told a lie in all his life; he is grate“ full to his benefactors, faithful to his friends, liberal " to his dependants, and dutiful to his superiors; he * values not your money more than the dust under his 6 feet, but he hates to be abused. Once for all, Mrs " Mynx, leave off talking of Hocus, or I will pull out * those saucer eyes of yours, and make that red streak " country face look as raw as an ox-cheek upon a butch“ er's stall : remember, I say, that there are pillorics " and ducking stools.' With this away they dung,
* The measure was opposed by the allies and the general.
+ The house of commons was ccnsured as totally ignorant of business. VOLV,
leaving Mrs Bull no time to reply. No stone was left noturned to fright John from liis compositiou: fonetimes they spread reports at coffee-houses *, that John and lis wife were ruu mad; that they intended to give up house, and make over all their eftite to Lewis Baboon; that John had been often heard talking to himself, and leen in the streets without shoes or stockings ; that he did nothing from morning till night but beat his servants, after having been the best master alive: as for his wife, she was a mere natural. Sometimes John's lioufe was belet with a whole regiment of attorney's clerks, bailiff's, bailifl's followers, and other small retainers of the law, who threw stones at bis windows, and dirt at himself, as he went along the street. When Joho complained of want of ready money to carry on his fait, they advised him to pawn bis plate and jewels, and that Mrs. Buil should sell her linen and wearing.cloaths.
CH A P. VIII.
Alrs. Bull's vindication of the indispeusable duty of cuce
kolom, incumbent xpoil wives, in case of the tyranny, infidelity and insufficiency of husbands: being a full
answer to the doctor's fermon agains adultery to TOHN found daily fresh proofs of the infidelity and
bad designs of his deceased wife; amongst other things, one day looking over his cabinet, he found the tollowing paper. T is evident that matrimony is founded upon an origi
nal contract, whereby the wife inakes over the right Me has by the law of nature to the concubitus vagus, in favour of the husband ; by which he acquires the prom perty of all her posterity. But then the obligation is mv. tual: and where the contract is broken on oue Gde, it
* And it was fail, that the nation would at last be facrificed to the ambition of France.
The tories representation of the speeches at Sacheverel's trial,
ceases to bind on the other. Where there is a right, there must be a power to maintain it, and to punish the offending party. This power I affirm to be that original right, or rather that indispensable duty of cuckoldom, lofgeil in all wives in the cases above inentioned. No wire is bound by any law, to which herlelt has not con!ented : all ceconomical government is lodged originally in the husband and wite, the executive part being in the hur band; both have their privileges ficured to them by law and reafon : but will any man infer from the husb.nd's being invested with the executive power, that the wite is deprived of her share, and that which is the principal brauch of it, the original right of cuckoldom? And that she has no remedy left, but preces et lachryme, or an appeal to a fupreme Court of judicature? No lels trivolous are the arguments that are drawn from the ge. neral appellations and terms of a busband and wife. A hurbind denotts several different forts of magistracy, ac: cording to the usages and custo.rs of different cliinaies and countries. In foine eastern nations it fignifies a tyrant, with the absolute power of life and death: in Turkey it denotes an arbitrary governor, with power of perpte tual imprisonment: in Italy it gives the husband the power of poison and padlocks: in the countries of England, France, and Holland, it has a quite different meaning, implying a free and equal government, fecuring to the wite, in certain cases, the liberty of cuckoldom, and the property of pin-money, and separate maintenance. So that the arguments drawn from the terms of husband and wife are fallacious, and by no means fit to lupport a lyrannical doctrine, as that of absolute unlimited chastity, and conjugal fidelity.
The general exhortations to chastity in wives are meant only for rules in ordinary cases, but they naturally fup. pofe ihree conditions of ability, justice, and fidelity in the husband : such an unlimited, unconditioned fidelity in the wife could never be supposed by reasonable men ; it seems a reficcion upon the choch, to charge her with doctrines that countenarice oppreflion.
This doctrine of the original right of cuckoldom is congruous to the law of nature, which is fuperior to all: human laws; and for that I dare appeal to all wires : it
is much to the honour of our English wives, that they bave never given up that fundamental point ; and that, though in former ages they were muffled up in darkoess and superstition, yet that notion seemed engraven on their minds, and the impression so strong, that nothing could impair it.
To assert the illegality of cuckoldom upon any pre terce whatsoever, were to cast odious colours upon the married ftie, to blacken the necessary means of perpe!u: ating femilies : such laws can never be fupposed to have been debyned to defeat the very end of matrimony, the propagation of mankinil. I call them necessary means ; for in many cales what other means are left? Suata doc. trine wounds the honour of families; unlautės ihe titles to kingdoms, honours, and estafes ; for, if the actionsfrom which luch lettlements spring, were illegal, all that is built upon them mult be fo too but the last is absurd,. therefore the first must be To likewise. What is the cause that Europe groans at prefent under the heavy. load of a cruel and expensive war, but the tyrannical custom of a. certain nation, and the scrupulous vicety of a filly Queen*, is not exerciling this indispensable duty of cuckoldoin, whereby the kingdom inight have had an heir, and a con. troverted fuccellion might have been avoided ? These are the effects of the narrow maxims of your clergy, That one musi not do evil, that good may come of it.
The allertors of this iodetealible right, and jus divin nuin of matrimony, do all in their hearts favour gallants, and the pretenders to married women ; for, if the true legal foundation of the married state be once fapped, and instead, thereof tyrannical maxims-introduced, what must follow but elojer.ents, instead of secret and peaceable cuckoldom?
From all that has been said, one may clearly perceive the absurdity of the doctrine of this seditious, discontented, hot-headed, ungifted, unedifying preacher, asserting, That the grand security of the matrimonial state, and the pillar upon which it siands, is founded upon the wife's belief of an absolute unconditional fidelity to the husband's
* The Queen of Charles ll. of Spain, upon whosc death without illuc the war broke out.