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OHN had a mother, whom he loved and honoured
extreinely, a discreet, grave, lober, good-conditioned, cleanly, old gentlewoman as ever lived; he was none of your crofs-grained, termagant, scolding j ides, that one had as good be hanged as live in the house with, such as are always censuring the conduct, and telling seandalous stories of their neighbours; extolling their own good qualities, and undervaluing those of others. On the contrary, she was of a meek spirit, and as she was strictly virtuous herself, so she always put the best construction upon the words and actions of her neighbours, except where they were irreconcileable to the rules of lionesty and decency. She was neither one of your precise prudes, nor one of your fantastical olj betles, tliat dress them selyes like girls of fifteen : as the neither wore a'ruff, fore-head cloth, nor high-crowned hat, so she had laid afide feathers, Powers, and crimpt ribbons in her head. dress, furbelow fcarfs, and hooped petticoats. She scorn. cd to patch and paint, yet she loved to keep her hands and her face clean. Though she wore no flaunting laced ruffles, she would not keep herfelf in a constant sweat with gseafy flannel : though her hair was not stuck with jewels, she was ashamed of a diamond cross; she was not like some ladies, hung about with toys and trinkets, tweezer-cases, pocket-glasses, and essence bottles; the used only a gold watch and an almanack, to mark the bours and the holy days.
Her furniture was neat and genteel, well fancied with a bon gouft. As the affected not the grardeur of state with a canopy, she thought there was no offence in an elbow.chair ; she had laid aside yonr carving, gilding, and japai.work, as being too api to gather dirt; but she never could be prevailed upon to part with plain wainscot and clean hangings. There are some ladies, that affect to
The church of England.
smell a Alink in every thing ; they are always highly pero fumed, and continually burning frankincense in their rooms; she was above such affectation, yet she never would lay aside the u'e of brooms and scrubbing-brushes, and scrupled not to lay her lined in fresh lavender.
She was no less genteel in her behaviour, well-bred, without affectation, in the due mean between one of your affceted curt'lying pieces of formality, and your romps that have no regard to the common rules of civili. ty, There are some ladies, that affect a mighty regard for their relations ; We must not eat to-day, for my
uncle Tom, or my cousin Betty, died this time teu jears :, let us have a ball to night, it is my neighbour such a one's birth-day; she looked upon all this as grimace ; yet
she constantly observed her husband's birth-day, her weddingday, and some few more,
Though she was a truly good woman, and bad a fin. cere motherly love for her son John, yet there wanted pot thole who endeavoured to create a misunderstanding between them, and they had lo fir prevailed with him once, that he turned her out of cloors t, to his great forrow, as he found atterwards, for his affairs went on at fixes and severs,
She was no less judicious in the turn of her conversation and choice of her studies, in u bich she far exceeded all her sex: your rakes, that hate the company of all fober, grave gentlewomen, would bear bers; and she would, by her handsome manner of proceeding, fooner reclaim them tha'n some that were more fower and reserve ed: she was a zealous preacher up of chastity, and 001. jugal fidelity in vives, and by no means a friend to the new-tangled doctrine of the indispensable duty of cuckol. dum : though she advanced her opinions with a becoming assurance, yet she never ushered them i:i, as some politive creatures will do, with dogmatical aflcrtions, this is in. fallible ; I cannot be misi aken ; none but a rogue can dery it. It has been oblerved, that such people are oftelier in the
tban Though she had a thousand good qualities, she was not without her faults, amongst which one night perbapo
In the rebellion of 1641..
- reckon too great lenity to her servants, to whom fae always gave good council, but often too gentle correction. I thought I could not say less of Jobp Bull's mother, because she bears a part in the following transacti:
CH A P. II.
The character of John Bull's fifter
. Peg t, with the quarrels that happened between master and miss in their childhoad.
TOHN had a sister, a poor girl that had been starved
at nurse.; any body would have guessed Mils to have been bred up under the influence of a cruel step-dame, and John to be the fondling of a tender mother. Joba looked ruddy and plump, with a pair of cheeks like a trumpeter ; Miss looked pale and wane, as if she had the green-sickness; and no wonder, for John was the darling; be had all the good bits, was crammed with good pullet, chicken, pig, goole, and capon, while Mils had only a little oatmeal and water, or a dry crust without butter. John had his golden pippins, peaches, and nectarines ; poor Miss a crab-apple, Noe, or a blackberry. Matter lay in the best apartment, with his bed-chamber towards the south sun. Miss lodged in a garret, exposed to the north-wind, which thrivelled her countenance; however, this usage, though it ftipted the girl in her growth, gave her a hardy.constitution ; the had life and spirit in abundance, and knew when the was ill used : now and then she would seize upon John's commons, snatch a leg of a pullet, or a bit of good beef, for which they were sure to go to fifty-cuffs. Master was indeed too strong for her ; but Miss would not yield in the least point, but e. ven when Mafter had got her down, she would scratch and bite like a tyger ; when he gave her a cuff on the ear, she would prick him with her knitting needle. John brought a great chain one day to tye her to the bed-post; for which affront, Mils aimed a pen-knife at his heart I.
+ The nation and church of S- -d.
In short, these quarrels grew up to rooted aversions; they gave one another nick names : the called bim gundy guts, and he called her lorsz Peg; though the girl was a tight elever wench as any was, and through her pale looks you might discern spirit and vivacity, which made her not, indeed, a perfect beauty, but something that was agreeable. It was barbarous in parents not to take notice of these early quarrels, and make them live better together, Tuch domestic feuds proving afterwards the occalion of misfortunes to them both. Peg had, indeed, fonie odd humours, and comical antipathy, for which Joho wou d
“ What think you of my fifter Peg, lays be, " that faints at the sound of an organ, and yet will
dance and frisk at the noise of a bag pipe?” 66 What's " that to you, gundy.guts, quoth Peg, every body's " to chuse their own music.” Then Peg had taken a fancy not to say her Pater nosier, which made people imagine strange things of her. Of the three brothers, that have made such a clutter in the world, Lord Peter, Martin, and Jack, Jack had of late been her inclinati.
*: Lord Peter the detested : nor did Martin stand much better in her good graces, but Jack had found the way to her heart. I have often admired, what charms The discovered in that aukward booby, till I talked with a person that was acquainted with the intrigue, who gave me the following account of it.
CH A P. III.
Jack's charins t, or the method by which he gained Peg's
N the first place, Jack was a very young fellow, by
much the youngest of the three brothers, and people,
reign, offered his daughter Mary to James V. of Scotland ; this
* Love of presbytery.
it Character of the Presbyterians. VOL. V.
indeed, wondered how such a yourg upstart jackanapes should grow so pert and faucy, and take so much upon him.
Jack bragged of greater abilities than other men ; he was well-gifted, as he pretended ; I need not tell you what secret influence that has upon the ladies.
Jack had a most scandalous tongue, and persuaded Peg that all mankind, besides himself, were posed by that scarlet faced whore Signiora Bubonia *, .
.6 As for .6 bis brother,' Lord Peter, the tokens were evident on " him, blotcl.es, scabs, and the corona: his brother “ Martin, though he was not quite so bad, had some “ nocturnal.pains, which his friends pretended were op" ly scorbutical ; but he was sure it proceeded from a or worse cause.' By such malicious infinuations, he had poffessed the Lady, that he was the only man in the world of a sound, pure, and untainted constitution : tho' there were some that stuck not to say, that Signiora Bubonia and Jack railed at one another, only the better to hide an intrigue ; and that Jack had been found with Sig. niora under his cloak, carrying her home in a dark stor.
Jack was a prodigious ogler ; he would ogle you the outside of his eye inward, and the white upward.
Jack gave himself out for a man of a great estate in the fortunate islands; of which the fole property was vested in his person: by this trick he cheated abundance of poor people of small sums, pretending to make over plantations in the said islands; but when the poor wretches came there with Jack's grant, they were beat, mocked, and turned out of doors.
"I told you that Peg was whimsical, and loved any thing that was particular: in that way, Jack was her man, for he neither thought, spoke. dressed, nor acted like other mortals: he was for your bold firokes, he railed at fops, though he was himself the most affected in the world; instead of the common fashion, he would visit bis mistress in a mourning cloak, band, short cuffi, and a peaked beard. He invented a way of coming into a room back, wards, which, he said, shewed more humility, and less
* The whore of Babylon, or the Pope.