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The fequel of the meeting at the Salutation*.
HERE I think I left John Bull, sitting between
Nic, Frog and Lewis Baboon, with his arms a. kimbo, in great concern to keep Lewis and Nic. alunder. As Witchful as he was, Nic. found the means now and then to steal a. whisper, and by a cleanly conveyance under the table to flip a short note into Lewis's hand; which Lewis as Oily put into John's pocket, with a pinch or a jog, to warn him what he was about. John had the curiofity to retire into a corner to peruse these billet doux t of Nic's ; wherein be found, that Nic. had uled great freedoms both with his interest and reputation, One contained these words : “ Dear Lewis, thou seest clearly, " that this blockhead can never bring matters to bear : « let thee and me talk to night by ourselves at the Rose, “ and I'll give thee satisfaction.” Another was thus ex. prefied; “ Friend Lewis, has thy fenfe quite forsaken is thee, to make Bull such offers ? Hold fájt, part with “ nothing, and I will give thee a better bargain, I'll
was under his guardianship; that the best part of his “ servants were ai bis command ; that he could have Joha “ gagged and bound whenever he pleased by the people e of his own family.” In all these epistles, blockhead, dunce, als, coxcomb, were the best epithets he gave poor John., In others lie threatened, " That he f, Elquire “ South, and the rest of the tradesmen, would lay Lewis *• down upon his back and beat out his teeth, if he did “ not retire immediately, and break up the meeting."
I fancy I need not tell my reader, that John often
* At the congress of Utrecht.
+ Some offers of the Dutch at that time, in order to get the ne gotiation into their hands.
| Threatening that the allies would carry on the war, without the help of the English.
changed colour as he read, and that his fingers itched to give Nic, a good nap on the chops ; but he wisely mo. derated his choleric temper.
6 I saved this fellow, quoth " he, from the gallows, when he run away from his last “ malter *, because I thought he was harshly treated ; “ but the rogue was no sooner sate under my protection, w than he began to lie, pilter, and steal like the devil ľ. “ When I firlt set him up in a warm houle, he had hard“ ly put up his sign, when he began to debauch
best customers from me. Then it was his constant practice " to rob my filh-ponds t, not only to feed his family, « but to trade with the fish mongers: I connived at the " fellow, till he began to tell me, that they were his as 66 much as mine. In
my manor of Eastcheapt, because 6 it lay at some distance from constant inspection, he “ broke down my fences, robbed my orchards, and beat
servants. When I uled to reprimand him for bis" tricks, he would talk saucily, lye and brazen it out,
as if he had done nothing amiss. Will nothing cure « thee of thy pranks, Nic. quoth"I? I fall be forced « fome time or other to chattise thee. The rogue gut.
up his cine and threatened me, and was well thwackbred for his pains. But I think his behaviour at this time 66 worst of all; after I have almost drowned myself to « keep his head above water, he would leave me sticking « in the mud, trusting to bis goodness to help me out. “ After I have beggared myself with his troublesome « law-fuit, with a pox to him, he takes it in mighty a dudgeon, because I have brought him here to end “ matters amicably, and because I won't let him make • me over by deed and indenture as his lawful cnlly ; or which to my certain knowledge he has attempted ie« veral times. But, after all, canst thou gather grapes
from thorns ? Nic. does not pretend to be a gentle-
man ; he is a tradesman, a self seeking wretch ; but h how camelt thou to bear all this, John ? The reason
* The King of Spain, whose yoke the Dutch threw off with the allistance of the English.
tft Complaints against the Dutch for incroachments in trade, filhery, East Indies, &c. The war with the Dutch on these Acevuutsp
“ is plain ; thou conferreft the benfits, and he receives "them; the first produces love, and the last ingratitude “ Ab! Nic. Nic. thou art a damned dog, that's certain ; " thou knowelt too well, that I will take care of thee;. " elle thou wouldst not use me thus. I won't give thee
up, pris true ; but as true it is, thou shalt vot fell.
me, according to thy laudable custom.” While Johns was deep in this foliloquy, Nic. broke out into the folo lowing protestation.
GENTLEMEN, “ I believe, every body here present will allow me to: “ be a very just and disinterested person.
My friend ** John Bull here is very angry with me, forsooth, beo“ Cause I. won't agree to his foolish bargains. Now, I. “ declare to all mankind, I should be ready to facrifice
my own concerns to his quiet ; but the care of his in
terest, and that of the honest tradesmien * that are em• " barked with us, keeps me from entering into this com“ position. What shall become of those poor creatures ? “the thought of their impending ruin disturbs my night's “ rest, therefore I desire they may speak for themselves. “ If they are willing to give up this affair, I shan't make " two words of it."
John Bull begged bim to lay a side that immoderate concern for bim ; and withal put him in mind, that the interest of those tradesmen had not sat quite so heavy upon him some years ago, on a like occasion. Nic. answere ed little to that, but immediately pulled out a boatswain's whistle. Upon the first whiff, the tradesmen came jumpe ing into the room, and began to surround Lewis, like lo many yelping curs about a great boar; or, to use a moc defter simile, like duns-at a great Lord's levee the morna ing he goes into the country. One pulled him by his fleeve another by the ssirt, a third hollowed in his ear: they began to ask him for all that had been taken from their forefathers by stealih, fraud, force, or lawful purchase : fone asked for manors, others for acres that las convenient for them; that he would pull down his
fences, level his ditches : all agreed in one common de. mand, that he should be purged, sweated, vomited, and starved, till he came to a sizeable bulk, like that of his neighbours : one modestly asked him leave to call bim brother; Nic. Frog demanded two things, to be bis por-ter and his fifhmonger, to keep the keys of his gates, and furnish the kitchen. John's lifter Peg only desired, that he would let his fervants fing psalms a Sundays. Some descended even to the asking of old cloaths, shoes, and boots, broken bottles, tobacco pipes, and ends of candles.
“. Monsieur Bull, quoth Lewis, you seem to be a man 6 of some breeding ; for God's fake use your interest 46. with these messieurs, that they would speak but one at
once ;, for if one had a hundred pair of hands, and as
many tongues, he cannot satisfy them all at this rate.” John begged they might proceed with forne method ; then they stopped all of a sudden, and would not say a word, « If this be your play, quoth John, that we may not be 66 be like a quaker's dumb meeting, let us begin some di6 verlon ; what d'ye think of rouly.pouly, or a country 66 dance? What if we should have a match at football ? * I am sure we shall never end matters at this rate.”
CH A P. XVI.
How John Bull and Nic. Erog settled their accounts,
Bull. D '
URING this general cessation of talk, what if
you and I, Nic. should enquire bow money-matters stand between us?:
Nic. Frog. With all my heart, I love exact dealing; and let Hocus audit ;, he knows how the money was difbursed.
J. Bull. I am not much for that at present ; we'll fettle it between ourselves : fair aud square, Nic. keeps friends together. There have been laid out in t: is law. fuit, at one time, 36,000 pounds, and 40,000 crowns: in fóme cases I, in others you, bear the the greatest proportion, Nic. Right: I pay three fifths of the greatest pum.
ber, and you pay two thirds of the lesser number: 1 thiok this is fair and square, as you call it.
j. Bull. Well, go on.
Nic. Two thirds of 36,000 pounds are 24,000 pounds for your share, and there remains 12,000 for mine. A. gain, of the 40,000 crowns I pay 24,000, which is three fitebs, and you pay only 16,000, which is two fifths ; 24,000 crowns make 6000 pounds; and 16,000 crowns make 4000 pounds; 12,000 and 6000 make 18.000; 24,000 and 4000 make 28,000. So there are 18,000 pounds to my share of the expences, and 28,000 to yours:
After Nic. bad bambouzled John a while about the 18,000 and the 28,000, John called for counters ; but what with light of band, and taking from his own score, and adding to John's, Nic. brought the balance always on his own fide. J. Bull
. Nay, good friend Nic, though I am not quite fo nimble in the fingers, I understand cyphering as well as you. I will produce you my accounts one by one, fairly writ out of my own books: and here I begin with the first. You must excuse me, if I don't pronounce the law terms right.
[7ohn reads. ] For the expences ordinary of the suits, fees, to judges,
puny judges, lawyers, innumerable of all sortsi of extraordinaries, as follows, per accompt. To Esquire South's accompt for pofi terminums To ditio for non eft faétums To ditto for noli profequi's, discontinuance, and retraxit For writs of error Suits of conditions unperformed To Hocus for de dirrus poteftatem To ditto for a capias ad computandum To Frog's new tenants per accompt to Hocus, for audita
querela's On the said account for writs of ejeciment and distringas. To Esquire South's quota for a return of a non eft invent.
aud nulla habet bona To for a pardon in forma pauperis To Jack for å melius inquirendum upon a felo de fe