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John having read over his articles, with the respective fums, brought in Frog debtor to him upon the balance
3382 Then Nic. Frog pulled his bill out of his pocket and began to read :
Nicholas Frog's accompt.
Remains to be deducted out of the former accompt. Paid by Nic. Frog, for his share of the ordinary expences
of the suit To Hocus for entries of a rege inconfulto To John Bull's nephew for a venire facias, the money not
yet all laid out The coach-hire for my wife and family, and the carriage
of iny goods during the time of this law-fuit
during this law-fuit
And lumming all up, found due upon,, balance by
Bull. As for your venire facias, I bave paid you for one already, in the other I believe you will be non. fuited.. I'll take care of my nephew myself. Your coach-hire and family charges are most unreafonable de ductions ; at that rate, I can bring in any man in i he world my debtor. But who the devil are those two Ma. jors, that consume all my money? I find they always run away with the balance in all accompts,
Nic. Frog. Two very boneft gentlemen, I assure you. that have done me some fervice. To tell you plainly, Major Ab, denotes thy greater ability, and Major Will. thy greater willingness to carry on this law. fuit. It was but reasonable that thou should't pay both for thy power and thy positiveness.
2. Bull, I believe, I shall have those two honest Ma. jors dis ount on my fade in a little time.
Nic. Frog Why all this biggling with thy friend about such a paltry funn? Does this become the generosity of the noble and rich John Bull? I wonder thou art not a. fhamed. Oh Hocus I Hocus! where art thou! It ufed to go another guise manner in thy time. When a poor man has almost undone himself for thy fake, thou art for fleecing him, and fleecing him ; is that thy conscience, John
9. Bull. Very pleasant indeed! It is well known thou retainest thy lawyers by the year, fo a fresh law-fuit adds but little to thy expences ; they are thy customers *; I hardly ever sell them a farthing's worth of any thing : nay, thou hast set up an eating house, where the whole tribe of them (pend all they can rap or run.
If it were well reckoned, I believe thou getcest more of my money, than thou spendest of thy own ; however, if ebou wilt needs plead poverty, own at least, that thy accompts are falle.
Nic. Frog. No marry won't I ; I refer myself to these honest gentlemen ; let them judge between us. Let EP quire South fpeak his mind, whether my accompts are not right, and whether we ought not to go on with our law-suit.
7. Bull.pernsult the butchers about keeping of Lent, Dost think, I John Bull will be tried by Piepowders I? I tell you once for all, John Bull knows where his shoe pinches : none of your Esquires shall give him the law, as long as he wears this trusty weapon by his side, or has an inch of broad.cloath in his shop.
Nic. Frog. Why, there it is ; you will be both judge and
party ; I am sorry thou discoverest so much of thy
* The money spent in Holland and Flanders.
Court of Piepowders (curia pedis pulverizati). is a court of record incident to every fair ; whcreof the steward is judge, and the trial is by merchants and traders in the fair. It is so calledo, because it is most ufual in the summer ; and because of the expeditions in hearing causes; for the matter is to be done, complained of, heard and determined the same day, that is, before the dust goes off the feet of the plaintiffs and defendants.
head-strong humour before these strange gentlemen : I have often told thee it would prove thy ruin some time or other : let it never be faid, that the famous John Bull has departed in despite of court.
J. Bull. And will it not reflect as much on thy character, Nic, to turn barretter in thy old days; a stirrer up of quarrels amongst thy neighbours ? I teli thee, Nic. fome time or other thou wilt repent this.
But John faw clearly he should have nothing but wrangling, and that he should have as little fuccess in set. tling his accompts, as ending the composition. “Since
they will needs overload my shoulders, quoth John, I “ Thail throw down the burden with a squash amongst so them, take it up who dares; a man has a fine time of “it amongst a combination of sharpers, that vouch for " one another's honesty, John, look to thyself; old • Lewis makes reasonable offers ; when thou hast spent " the small pittance that is left, thou wilt make a glo“ rious figure, when thou art brought live upon Nic. • Frog and Esquire South's generosity and gratitude: 16 when they use thee thus when they want thee, what 66 will they do when thou wanteft them! I say again,
John, look to thyself.”
JOHN wiely stifled his resentments, and told the company, that in a little time he should give them law, or something better.
All, Law! law! Sir, by all means *. What is twenty-two poor years towards the finishing a law.fuit ? For the love of God more law, Sir!
7. Bull. Prepare your demands, how many years more of law do you want, that I may order my affairs accordingly? Io the mean whide farewel.
* Clamours for continuing the war.
CHAP XVII, How John Bull found all his family in an uproar
at home *,
TIC, FROG, who thought of nothing but carry.
ing John to the market, and there disposing of him as his own proper goods, was mad to find that John thought himself now of age to look after his own affairs. He resolved to traverse this new project, und 10 make him unealy in his own family. He had corrupted or de luded most of his servants into the most extravagant con• ceits in the world ; that their master was run mad, and wore a dagger in one pocket, and poison in the other ; that he had fold his wife and children to Lewis, disinherited his heir, and was going to settle his estate upon a parish.boy ; that if they did not look after their master, he would do some very mischievous thing. When Join came home, he found a more surprizing scene than any he had yet met with, and that you will say was some. what extraordinary,
He called his cook-maid Betty to bespeak his dinner: Betty told hiin, “That she begged his pardon, she could not dress dinner, till she knew
what he intended to do 66 with his will." " Why, Betty, quoth John, thou
art not run mad, art thou? My will at prefent is to " have dinner.” “ That may be, quoth Betty, but my
conscience won't allow me to dress it, till I know « whether you intend to do righteous things by your " heir ?” “ I am forry for that, Betty, quoth Jóhul, “ I must find fome body else then.” I hen he called John the barber." Before I begin, quoth John, I hope your
honour won't be offended, if I ask you, whether you intend to alter your will? If you don't give me
a positive answer, your beard may grow down to your 6 middle, for me.' “ 'Igad so it shall, quoth Bull, « for I will never trust my throat in luch a mad fellow's 6 hands, Where's Dick the butler?” « quoth Dick, I am very willing to serve you in my cal.
* Clamours about the danger of the faccession.
16 Look ye,
" ling, d’ye see; but there are strange reports, and plaindealing is beft, d'ye fee; I must be satisfied if
in• tend to leave all to your nephew, and if Nic. Frog is ** ftill
your executor, d'ye see ; if you will not satisfy me as to these points, you may drink with the ducks.” “ And so I will, quoth John, rather than keep a butler ** that loves my heir better than myself.” Hope the shoemaker, and Pricket the taylor told him, “ They wouid “moit willingly serve him in their several stations, if “ he would promise them never to talk with Levis Ba- boon, and let Nicholas Frog linen-draper manage
his concerns; that they could neither make shoes nor “cloaths to any that were not in good correspondence * with their worthy friend Nicolas."
7. Bull. Call Andrew my journeyman. How goes affairs, Andrew ? I hope the devil has not taken poftesfion of thy body too.
Andrew. No, Sir;. I only desire to know what you would do if you were dead?
5. Bull. Just as other dead folks do, Andrew.-This is amazing!
[Afde. Andrew. I mean, if your nephew shall inherit your estate?
5. Bull. That depends upon himself. I fall do nothing to hinder him.
Andrew. But will you make it sure ?
7. Bull. Thou meanest, that I should put him in poffession, for I can make it no furer without that; he has all the law can give him.
Andreu. Indeed poffeffion, as you say, would make it much surer; they say, it is eleven points of the law.
John began now to think that they were all inchanted; he inquired about the age of the moon; if Nic. had not given them some intoxicating potion, or if old mother Jenisa was still alive? “ No, o'my faith, quith Harry, “ I believe there is no potion in the case, but a little.au
rum potabile. You will have more of this by and by," He had scarce spoke the word, when another friend of John's accosted him after the following manner.
“ Since those worthy persons, who are as much con“cerned for your fafety as I am, have employed me as “ their orator, I desire to know whether you will have l'ol. V. 2