John having read over his articles, with the respective fums, brought in Frog debtor to him upon the balance 3382 12

Then Nic. Frog pulled his bill out of his pocket and began to read:

Nicholas Frog's accompt.

Remains to be deducted out of the former accompt.

Paid by Nic. Frog, for his fhare of the ordinary expences of the fuit

To Hocus for entries of a rege inconfulto

To John Bull's nephew for a venire facias, the money not yet all laid out

The coach-hire for my wife and family, and the carriage of my goods during the time of this law-fuit

For the extraordinary expences of feeding my family during this law-fuit

To Major Ab.

To Major Will.

And fumming all up, found due upon : balance by John Bull to Nic. Frog, 09 04 06

7 Bull. As for your venire facias, I have paid you for one already; in the other I believe you will be nonfuited. I'll take care of my nephew myself. Your coach-hire and family charges are most unreasonable deductions; at that rate, I can bring in any man in the world my debtor. But who the devil are thofe two Ma jors, that confume all my money? I find they always run away with the balance in all accompts.

Nic. Frog. Two very honeft gentlemen, I affure you. that have done me fome fervice. To tell you plainly, Major Ab. denotes thy greater ability, and Major Will. thy greater willingness to carry on this law. fuit. It was but reasonable that thou fhouldft pay both for thy power and thy pofitiveness.

J. Bull

3. Bull. I believe, I shall have those two honeft Ma. jors difcount on my fide in a little time.

Nic. Frog Why all this biggling with thy friend about fuch a paltry fun? Does this become the generofity of the noble and rich John Bull? I wonder thou art not afhamed. Oh Hocus! Hocus! where art thou! It ufed to go another guife manner in thy time. When a poor man has almoft undone himself for thy fake, thou art for fleecing him, and fleecing him; is that thy confcience, John?

J. Bull. Very pleafant indeed! It is well known thou retaineft thy lawyers by the year, fo a fresh law-fuit adds but little to thy expences; they are thy cuftomers*; I hardly ever fell them a farthing's worth of any thing: nay, thou haft fet up an eating-house, where the whole tribe of them (pend all they can rap or run. If it were well reckoned, I believe thou getteft more of my money, than thou spendest of thy own; however, if thou wilt needs plead poverty, own at least, that thy accompts are falle.

Nic. Frog. No marry won't I ; I refer myfelf to thefe honest gentlemen; let them judge between us. Let Ef quire South speak his mind, whether my accompts are not right, and whether we ought not to go on with our law-fuit.

7. Bullonfult the butchers about keeping of Lent. Doft think, t John Bull will be tried by Piepowders‡? I tell you once for all, John Bull knows where his shoe pinches: none of your Efquires fhall give him the law, as long as he wears this trufty weapon by his fide, or has an inch of broad-cloath in his fhop.

Nic. Frog. Why, there it is; you will be both judge and party; I am forry thou difcoverest so much of thy

* The money spent in Holland and Flanders.

+ Court of Piepowders (curia pedis pulverizati). is a court of record incident to every fair; whereof the steward is judge, and the trial is by merchants and traders in the fair. It is fo called, because it is most ufual in the fummer; and because of the expeditions in hearing caufes; for the matter is to be done, complained of, heard and determined the fame day, that is, before the duft goes off the feet of the plaintiffs and defendants.

head

head-ftrong humour before thefe ftrange gentlemen: I have often told thee it would prove thy ruin fome time or other: let it never be faid, that the famous John Bull has departed in despite of court.

J. Bull. And will it not reflect as much on thy character, Nic. to turn barretter in thy old days; a stirrer up of quarrels amongst thy neighbours? I teli thee, Nic. fome time or other thou wilt repent this.

But John faw clearly he fhould have nothing but wrangling, and that he should have as little fuccefs in fettling his accompts, as ending the compofition." Since "they will needs overload my fhoulders, quoth John, I "fhall throw down the burden with a fquafh amongst "them, take it up who dares; a man has a fine time of "it amongst a combination of fharpers, that vouch for "one another's honesty. John, look to thyself; old "Lewis makes reafonable offers; when thou haft spent "the fmall pittance that is left, thou wilt make a glo"rious figure, when thou art brought to live upon Nic. "Frog and Efquire South's generofity and gratitude: "when they use thee thus when they want thee, what << will they do when thou wanteft them? I fay again. "John, look to thyself."

JOHN wiely ftifled his refentments, and told the company, that in a little time he should give them law, or fomething better.

All. Law! law! Sir, by all means *. What is twenty-two poor years towards the finishing a law-fuit? For the love of God more law, Sir!

J. Bull. Prepare your demands, how many years more of law do you want, that I may order my affairs aecordingly? In the mean while farewel.

* Clamours for continuing the war.

СНАР.

CHAP. XVII.

How John Bull found all his family in an uproar

at home*.

[IC, FROG, who thought of nothing but carry

difpofing

him as his own proper goods, was mad to find that John thought himself now of age to look after his own affairs. He refolved to traverse this new project, und to make him uneafy in his own family. He had corrupted or deluded moft of his fervants into the most extravagant con ceits in the world; that their mafter was run mad, and wore a dagger in one pocket, and poifon in the other; that he had fold his wife and children to Lewis, difinhe rited his heir, and was going to fettle his eftate upon a parish boy; that if they did not look after their master, he would do fome very mischievous thing. When John came home, he found a more furprizing fcene than any he had yet met with, and that you will fay was fomewhat extraordinary.

He called his cook-maid Betty to bespeak his dinner: Betty told him, "That fhe begged his pardon, fhe could "" not dress dinner, till fhe knew what he intended to do "with his will." "Why, Betty, quoth John, thou "" art not run mad, art thou? My will at prefent is to "have dinner.' "That may be, quoth Betty, but my confcience won't allow me to drefs it, till I know "whether you intend to do righteous things by your "heir?" I am forry for that, Betty, quoth John, "I must find fome hody elfe then." Then he called John the barber. "Before I begin, quoth John, I hope 66 your honour won't be offended, if I ask you, whether 66 you intend to alter your will? If you don't give me

a pofitive anfwer, your beard may grow down to your "middle, for me.' "'Igad fo it fhall, quoth Bull, " for I will never trust my throat in fuch a mad fellow's "hands, Where's Dick the butler?" "Look ye "quoth Dick, I am very willing to serve you

* Clamours about the danger of the fucceffion.

in my cal

"ling, d'ye fee; but there are ftrange reports, and plain"dealing is beft, d'ye fee; I must be fatisfied if you in"tend to leave all to your nephew, and if Nic. Frog is "ftill your executor, d'ye fee; if you will not fatisfy me "as to thefe points, you may drink with the ducks." "And fo I will, quoth John, rather than keep a butler "that loves my heir better than myself." Hope the fhoemaker, and Pricket the taylor told him, "They would "most willingly ferve him in their feveral ftations, if "he would promife them never to talk with Lewis Baboon, and let Nicholas Frog linen-draper manage his concerns; that they could neither make fhoes nor "cloaths to any that were not in good correspondence "with their worthy friend Nicolas.

7. Bull. Call Andrew my journeyman. How goes affairs, Andrew? I hope the devil has not taken pofleffion of thy body too.

Andrew. No, Sir; I only defire to know what you would do if you were dead?

J. Bull. Juft as other dead folks do, Andrew.This is amazing!

[Afide. Andrew. I mean, if your nephew shall inherit your eftate?

J. Bull. That depends upon himself. I fhall do nothing to hinder him.

Andrew. But will you make it fure?

7. Bull. Thou meaneft, that I fhould put him in poffeffion, for I can make it no furer without that; he has all the law can give him.

Andrew. Indeed poffeffion, as you fay, would make it much furer; they fay, it is eleven points of the law. JOHN began now to think that they were all inchanted; he inquired about the age of the moon; if Nic.had not given them fome intoxicating potion, or if old mother Jenifa was ftill alive?"No, o'my faith, quoth Harry, I believe there is no potion in the cafe, but a little.aurum potabile. You will have more of this by and by." He had fcarce fpoke the word, when another friend of John's accofted him after the following manner.

66

"Since those worthy perfons, who are as much con"cerned for your fafety as I am, have employed me as “their orator, I defire to know whether you will have VOL. V.

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