"it by way of fyllogifm, enthymem, dilemma, or fori 86 tes. JOHN now began to be diverted with their extravagance. 7. Bull. Let's have a forites by all means; though they are all new to me. Friend. It is evident to all who are versed in history, that there were two fifters that played the whore two thousand years ago: therefore it plainly follows, that it is not lawful for John Bull to have any manner of intercourfe with Lewis Baboon: if it is not lawful for John Bull to have any manner of intercourfe (correfpondence, if you will, that is much the fame thing), then a fortiori, it is much more unlawful for the faid John to make over his wife and children to the said Lewis: if his wife and children are not to be made over, he is not to wear a dagger and ratfbane in his pockets: if he wears a dagger and ratfbane, it must be to do mifchief to himself, or fomebody else: if he intends to do mischief, he ought to be under guardians, and there is none fo fit as myself, and fome other worthy persons, who have a commiffion for that purpose from Nic. Frog, the executor of his will and teftament. -With 7. Bull. And this is your forites, you say,that he fnatched a good tough oaken cudgel, and began to brandish it; then happy was the man that was first at the door : crouding to get out, they tumbled down stairs; and it is credibly reported, fome of them dropped very valuable things in the hurry, which were picked up by cthers of the family. 66 "That any of these rogues, quoth John, should ima"gine, I am not as much concerned as they about having my affairs in a fettled condition, or that I would wrong my heir for I know not what! Well, Nic. I really cannot but applaude thy diligence; I muft own this is really a pretty fort of a trick, but it fhan't do thy bufinefs for all that." CHAP. CHAP. XVIII. How Lewis Baboon came to vifit John Bull, and what paffed between them*. I THINK it is but ingenuous to acquaint the reader, that this chapter was not wrote by Sir Humphrey himfelf, but by another very able pen of the univerfity of Grubstreet. OHN had (by fome good inftructions given him by Sir Roger) got the better of his choleric temper, and wrought himself up to a great fteadiness of mind to purfue his own intereft through all impediments that were thrown in the way: he began to leave off fome of his old acquaintance, his roaring and bullying about the ftreets; he put on a serious air, knit his brows, and, for the time, had made a very confiderable progrefs in politics, confidering that he had been kept a stranger to his own affairs. However, he could not help difcovering fome remains of his nature, when he happened to meet with a foot-ball,, or a match at cricket; for which Sir Roger was fure to take him to task. John was walking about his room,, with folded arms, and a moft thoughtful countenance : his fervant brought him word, that one Lewis Baboon. below wanted to speak with him. John had got an impreffion, that Lewis was fo deadly cunning a man, that he was afraid to venture himself alone with him at laft he took heart of grace; "Let him come up, quoth be,. "it is but sticking to my point, and he can never over"reach me." Lewis Baboon. Monfieur Bull, I will frankly acknow-ledge, that my behaviour to my neighbours has been fomewhat uncivil, and I believe you will readily grant. me, that I have met with ufage accordingly. I was fond of back-fword and cudgel-play from my youth, and now, I bear in my body many a black and blue gafh and fear, God knows. I had as good a warehouse, and as fair pof *Private negotiations about Dunkirk. fefions, feffions, as any of my neighbours, though I fay it; but a contentious temper, flattering fervants, and unfortunate ftars, have brought me into circumstances that are not unknown to you. Thefe my misfortunes are heightened by domestic calamities. That I need not relate. I am a poor battered old fellow, and I would willingly end mydays in peace: but, alas! I fee but small hopes of that, for every new circumftance affords an argument to my enemies to pursue their revenge; formerly I was to be banged, because I was too ftrong, and now because I am too weak to refift; I am to be brought down when too rich, and oppreffèd when too poor. Nic. Frog has ufed me like a scoundrel; you are a gentleman, and I freely put myself in your hands to difpofe of me as you think fit. 7. Bull. Lock you, Mafter Baboon, as to your ufage of your neighbours, you had beft not dwell too much upon that chapter; let it fuffice at prefent, that you have been met with: you have been rolling a great stone up hill all your life, and at laft it has come tumbling down till it is like to crush you to pieces: plain-dealing is beft. If you have any particular mark, Mr Baboon, whereby one may know when you fib, and when you speak truth, you had beft tell it me, that one may proceed accordingly; but ince at prefent I know of none fuch, it is better that you fhould truft me, than that I should trust you. L. Baboon. I know of no particular mark of veracity amongst us tradefmen, but intereft; and it is manifeftly ine not to deceive you at this time; you may fafely truft me, I can affure you, J. Bull. The truft I give is in fhort this; I must have fomething in hand, before I make the bargain, and the reft before it is concluded. L. Baboon. To fhew you I deal fairly, name your fomething. J. Bull. I need not tell thee, old boy; thou canst guefs. L. Baboon. Ecclefdown-castle *, I'll warrant you, becanfe it has been formerly in your family! Say no more, you fhall have it. F. Bull. I fhall have it to m'own self? * Dunkirk, L. Baboon L. Baboon. To thy n'own felf. 7. Bull. Every wall, gate, room, and inch of Ecclef down-caftle, you fay! L. Baboon. Juft so. 7. Bull. Every fingle ftone of Ecclefdown-caftle, to m'own felf, speedily! L. Baboon. When you pleafe; what needs more words? J. Bull. But tell me, old boy, haft thou laid afide all thy equivocals and mentals in this cafe? L. Baboon. There's nothing like matter of fact; fee-ing is believing. J. Bull. Now thou talkeft to the purpofe; let us fhake hands, old boy. Let me afk thee one queftion more; what haft thou to do to meddle with the affairs of my family to difpofe of my etate, old boy? L. Baboon. Juft as much as you have to do with the: affairs of Lord Strutt. J. Bull. Ay, but my trade, my very being was con⚫ rned in that. : L. Baboon. And my intereft was concerned in the o-ther but let us both drop our pretences; for I believe it is a moot-point, whether I am more likely to make a Mafter Bull, or you a Lord Strutt. 7. Bull, Agreed, old boy; but then I must have fecurity, that I fhall carry my broad-cloth to market, old boy.. L. Baboon. That you fhall: Ecclefdown-caftle! Ecclefdown! remember that: why wouldst thou not take it, when it was offered thee fome years ago ? 7. Bull. I would not take it, because they told me thou wouldst not give it me. L. Baboon. How could Monfieur Bull be fo grofsly abufed by downright nonfenfe? they that advised you to refufe, must have believed I intended to give, elie why would they not make the experiment? but I can tell you more of that matter, than perhaps you know at prefent. F. Bull. But what fayeft thou as to the Efquire, Nic. Frog, and the rest of the tradefmen? I must take care of: them. L. Baboon. Thou haft but fmall obligations to Nic. to my certain knowledge: he has not ufed me like agen-tleman. J. Bull. Nic. indeed is not very nice in your punetiEes of ceremony; he is clownish, as a man may fay: belching and calling of names have been allowed him time out of mind, by prescription: but however, we are engaged in one common caufe, and I must look after him. L. Baboon. All matters that relate to him, and the reft of the plaintiffs in this law-fuit, I will refer to your julice.. CHA P. XIX. Nic. Freg's letter to John Bull; wherein he endeavours to vindicate all his conduct, with relation to John Bull and the law-fuit. N I C. perceived now that his cully had eloped, that John intended henceforth to deal without a broker; but he was refolved to leave no stone unturned to recover his bubble: amongit other artifices he wrote a inoft obliging letter, which he fent him printed in a fair character.. DEAR FRIEND WHEN I confidered the late ill ufage I have met with from you, I was reflecting what it was "that could provoke you to it; but upon a narrow infpection into my conduct, I can find nothing to reproach nyfelf with, but too partial a concern for your intereft. You no fooner fet this compofition afoot, but. I was ready to comply, and prevented your very wifhes; and the affair might have been ended be"fore now, had it not been for the greater concerns of Efquire South, and the other poor creatures imbarked in the fame common caufe, whofe fafety touches me to the quick. You feemed a little jealous, thar I had dealt unfairly, with you in money-matters, till it appeared by your own accounts, that there was fomething due to me upon the balance. Having nothing to "anfier to fo plain a demonftration, you began to cen“plain, as if i had been familiar with your reputation; when it is well known, not only I, but the meanest *Subftance of the States letter. *fervans |