"defcended, boasts to have performed this warlike dance in the presence of the emperor, to the great admiration "of all Germany. What would he fay, could he look "down and fee one of his pofterity so ignorant, as not "to know the least step of that noble kind of faltation.” The poor lady was at last inured to bear all these things with a laudable patience, till one day ber husband was feized with a new thought. He had met with a faying, that "Spleen, garter, and girdle are the three "impediments to the curfus." Therefore Pliny (lib.xi. c. 37) fays, that fuch as excel in that exercife have their Spleen cautorized, "My fon" (quoth Cornelius) runs but heavily; therefore I will have this operation "performed upon him immediately. Moreover, it will 66 cure that immoderate laughter to which I perceive he "is addicted: for laughter" (as the fame author hath it, ibid.) is caufed by the bigness of the spleen." defign was no fooner hinted to Mrs Scriblerus, but the burst into tears, wrung her hands, and inftantly fent to his brother Albertus, begging him for the love of God to make hafte to her husband. 66 This Albertus was a difcreet man, fober in his opinions, clear of pedantry, and knowing enough both in books and in the world, to preserve a due regard for whatever was useful or excellent, whether antient or modern: if he had not always the authority, he had at least the art, to divert Cornelius from many extravagancies. It was well he came speedily, or Martin could not have boasted the entire quota of his vilcera. "What does it fignify" (quoth Albertus), "whether my nephew excels in tle curfus or not? Speed is often a fymptom of cowardice, "witness hares and deer."-" Do not forget Achilles" (quoth Cornelius). "I know that running has been.con demned by the proud Spartans, as ufelefs in war; and .66 yet Demofthenes. could fay, Ανὸς ὁ φεύγων καὶ παλιν μαν "; a thought which the English Hudibras (has "well rendered. ftupore totius Germaniae, repraefentavimus. Quo tempore vox illa imperatoris, Hic puer aut therace pro pelle aut pro cunis habuit. Pope. For For he that runs may fight again, Which he can never do that's flain. "That's true (quoth Albertus) but pray confider on "the other fide, that animals * (pleened grow extreme ❝ly falacious, an experiment well known in dogs." Cornelius was ftruck with this, and replied gravely; "If it "be fo, I will defer the operation, for I will not increase the powers of my fon's body at the expence of those "of his mind. I am indeed difappointed in most of my "projects, and fear I must fit down at laft contented with fuch methods of education as modern barbarity "affords. Happy had it been for us all had we lived "in the age of Auguftus! Then my fon might have "heard the philofophers di'pute in the porticos of the "Palæftra, and at the fame time formed his body and "his understanding "It is true, (replied Albertus) 66 we have no exedra for the philofophers, adjoining to "our tennis-courts; but there are ale-houfes where he "will hear very notable argumentations. Thoug we "come not up to the antients in the tragic-dance, we "excell them in the us or the art of tumbling. "The antients would have beat us at quoits, but not fo The pugi"much at the jaculum or pitching the bar. "latus is in as great perfection in England as in old "Rome, and the cornifh-hug in the luctus ‡ is equal to "the volutatoria of the antients." "You could not (an"fweredCornelius) have produced a more unluckyir ftance "of modern folly and barbarity, than what you say of "the jaculum. The Cretans wifely forbid their fervants "gymnastics as well as arms, and yet our modern "footmen exercife themselves daily in the jaculum at "the corner of Hyde-Park, whilft their enervated "lords are lolling in their chariots, (a fpecies of vectita❝tion seldom used amongst the antients, except by old "men)." "You fay well (quoth Albertus), and we "have feveral other kinds of vectitation unknown to the "antients, particularly flying chariots, where the people "have the benefit of this exercife at the finall expence "of a farthing. But fuppofe (which I readily grant) "that the antients excelled us in almost every thing, " yet why this fingularity? your fon must take up with "fuch masters as the prefent age affords; we have dan"cing-masters, writing-mafters, and mufic-mafters." The bare mention of mufic threw Cornelius into a paffion. "How can you dignify (quoth he) this modern "fiddling with the name of mufic? Will any of your "best hautboys encounter a wolf now a days with no "other arins but their inftruments, as did that antient "piper Pythocharis ? Have ever wild boars, elephants, "deer, dolphins, whales, or turbots, fhewed the leaft "emotion at the most elaborate strains of your modern "fcrapers, all which have been, as it were, tamed and "humanized by antient musicians? Does not Ælian "tell us how the Lybian mares were excited to horfing by mufic? (which ought in truth to be a caution to "modest women against frequenting operas ; and con"fider, brother, you are brought to this dilemma, either "to give up the virtue of the ladies, or the power of "your mufic). Whence proceeds the degeneracy of "our morals? Is it not from the lofs of antient mufic, by which (fays Ariftotle) they taught all the virtues? Elfe might we turn Newgate into a college of Dorian "musicians, who fhould teach moral virtues to those "people. Whence comes it that our present diseases are fo ftubborn? whence is it that I daily deplore my fcia❝tical pains? Alas! because we have loft their true "cure by the melody of the pipe. All this was well "known to the antients,, as Theophraftus + affures us, "(whence Cælius calls it loca dolentia decantare); only indeed fome small remains of this skill are preferv"ed in the cure of the tarantula. Did not Pythagoras ftop a company of drunken bullies from storming a civil house, by changing the strain of the pipe to the fober Ælian. Hift. Animal. lib. xi. cap. 18. and lib. xii. cap. 44. Pope. † Athenaeus, lib. xiv. Pope. Lib. de fanitate tuenda, cap. 2. Pope. "spondæus? ** fpondæus and yet our modern musicians want art to "defend their windows from common nickers. It is well "known, that when the Lacedæmonian mob were up, they commonly fent for a Lesbian musician to appeate "them, and they immediately grew calm as foon as they <heard Terpander fing : yet I do not believe, that the "Pope's whole band of mufic, though the best of this could keep his Holiness's image from being burnt. on a fifth of November." "Nor would Terpander himfeif, (replied Aibertus) at Billingfgate, or Ti"motheus at Hockley in the Hole, have any manner of "effect, nor both of them together bring Horneck † “to common civility." That's a grofs mistake, (faid "Cornelius very warmly); and to prove it fo, I have ་ age, here a fmall lyra of my own, framed, ftrung, and << tuned after the antient manner. I can play fome "fragments of Lesbian tunes, and I wish I were to try them upon the most paffionate creatures alive.". "You never had a better opportunity (fays Albertus), "for yonder are two apple-women fcolding, and juft "ready to uncoif one another." With that Cornelius, undreffed as he was, jumps out into his balcony, his lyra in hand, in his flippers, with his breeches hanging down to his ancles, a stocking upon his head, and waist-coat of murrey-coloured fattin upon his body; he touched his lyra with a very unusual fort of an harpegiatura, nor were his hopes fruftrated. The odd equipage, the uncouth inftrument, the ftrangeness of the man and of the mufic, drew the ears and eyes of the whole mob that were got about the two female champions, and at laft of the conbatants themselves. They all approached the balcony, in as close attention as Orpheus's firft audience of cattle, or that of an Italian opera, when fome favourite air is just awakened. This fudden effect of his mufic encouraged him mightily, and it was observed he never touched his lyre in fuch a truly chromatic and enharmonic manner, as upon that occafion. The mob laughed, * Suidas in Timotheo. Pope. + Horneck, a fcurrilous fcribler, who wrote a weekly paper called. The High German Dotor. Pope. C 2 fung fung, jumped, danced, and used many odd gestures, all which he judged to be caufed by the various ftrains and modulations. "Mark (quoth he) in this, the power of "the lonian; in that, you lee the effect of the Æolian.” But in a little ime they began to grow riotous, and threw ftones. Cornelius then withdrew, but with the greatest air of triumph in the world. "Brother, faid he, do you "ohferve, I have mixed unawares too much of the "Fhrygian; I might change it to the Lydian, and fof<6 ten their riotous tempers. But it is enough. Learn "from this fample to speak with veneration of antient "mufic. If this lyre, in my unskilful hands, can per "form fuch wonders, what muft it not have done in "thofe of a Timotheus or a Terpander?" Having faid this, he retired with the utmost exultation in himself, and contempt of his brother; and, it is faid, behaved that night with fuch unufual haughtiness to his family, that they all had reason to wish for some antient tibicen to calm his temper. C CHA P. VII. Rhetoric, logic, and metaphyfics. ORNELIUS having, as hath been faid, many ways been difappointed in his attempts of improving the bodily forces of Lis fon, thought it now high time to ap ply to the culture of his internal faculties. He judged it proper, in the first place, to inftruct him in rhetoric. But herein we fh not need to give the reader any ac count of his wonderful progrefs, fince it is already known to the learned world by his treatife on this fubject: I mean the admirable difcourfe Пepi Budas, which he wrote at this time, but concealed from his father, knowing his. extreme partiality for the antients. It lay by him concealed, and perhaps forgot among the great multiplicity of other writings, till about the year 1727, he fent it us to be printed, with many additional examples drawn from the excellent live poets of this prefent age. We proceed, therefore, to logic and metaphyfics. The wife Cornelius was convinced, that thefe being Pole |